As I lay in my bed in the early stages of a cold I cry. For about a year I have been trying to gain the strength to stay awake and be in the mood to go to a club in the United States with my husband, as my husband is new to the states as of February. Now this may seem silly to some people but what you have to understand is that I have intense phobias consisting of sleeping issues, among other things. These sleeping issues actually revolve around my ability to drive to work safe and alert and on time for my 6 a.m. shift. These issues have become nothing less than a true to life nightmare. So Friday and Saturday nights are my only opportunity to go out at night and have fun with no time limits, or one would think. It has taken an enormous amount of work, but I have altered my mind to accept that if I choose to stay up late on these nights it won’t harm my sleep pattern so much so that I won’t be able to report to work on time. Now, I have the tricky issue of staying awake and having enough energy to go out. It took me months and months and months, but I finally had it last night…until my mood became extremely altered from my husband and I getting into a silly little argument about something very trivial. I was just about bound to the couch the rest of the evening. This made me so sad. There is more to it than just working through my sleep issues and little tiny situations that alter my mood. I have been going through a major upheaval in my life. I’ve mentioned my family issues in my last entry. These issues have been killing my soul, and setting the stage for failure in just about every issue I try to conquer, however even as I go through this extremely difficult time in my life, I thank God for it for making me stronger, actually literally building my strength as I write. I look at it this way: if this horror is my life right now, than I must be in for an amazing existence right around the corner. This amount of bad can only be paralleled with a great deal of good, as is the true definition of bipolar. So with that I am grateful to all the experiences of my life leading me up until now, as they are preparing me for the best life of my life.