Ups and Downs of 2012

2012 had been a rough year for me physically and mentally. I was in the hospital for psychiatric evaluation at least four times. I had a couple of endoscopes, a hospitalization for my back and even a couple of back procedures including a radio frequency ablation on my lower back.

To top it off I injured my rotator cuff on my left shoulder. It ended up being more inconvenient because I’m left handed.

Worst of all, I attempted suicide in October. I reached my lowest point. The mental and emotional pain enveloped me and I took pain pills. Luckily I came to my senses and I called my husband. It was the most important phone call I ever made. I ended up with an ambulance ride to the hospital and a weekend stay in the psychiatric wing.

That singular episode changed my life. With the help of my psychiatrist, therapist, and husband I worked through my Wellness Recovery Action Plan and added more specific details that would encourage me find help earlier in a crisis moment.

I knew my life had been altered forever. I told my husband I needed a change and as we drove past our neighborhood church their bulletin board sign caught my eye. A neighborhood ladies bible study group was meeting that week. I knew I had to go. My gut told me and I always listen to my gut.

I found exactly what I had been missing in my life: Fellowship and worshiping God in a safe and happy environment. The ladies were nonjudgmental and accepting. I was able to open up to them. Share with them. I told them everything from having chronic illnesses to having Bipolar and recently attempting suicide. They didn’t judge me. The loved me. They let me be a part of their group. They welcomed me with open arms.

I resolve to make 2013 a better year mentally and physically. I’m on track with my doctors to find out what is causing the pain in my stomach. My back is feeling great and I joined my local Curves to work out. I’m working with an orthopedic doctor to repair my shoulder and using physical therapy to get it back in working condition.

I have joined my local church and attend service every Sunday. With God in my pocket, I have found an inner peace that surrounds my life and calms me.

I know that I’m not perfect. It doesn’t matter anymore. I can accept that and move on. That’s the motto of 2013. Moving on and upward. Letting go and letting God.

I’ve resolved to spend more time writing. I’m currently working on a collaborative novel with a good friend. I’m writing more at my blog and I’m always adding to My Balanced Life.

I wish all of you a very happy 2013 and may it be a healthier 2013 both mentally and physically for all of you! 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

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