What If He Won’t Commit to Regular Counseling

“You’re right, I’m a terrible mother, I’m a horrible wife, I just can’t do anything right!” I confessed as I faced my husband following his recital of my shortcomings after coming home to a messy house and 2 unkept daughters. 

That night I decided that my husband and daughters would be better off without me.  I left my home and began walking the cold winter streets wearing an old coat only partially buttoned because of my rounded belly finally ending up sleeping in the basement of a stranger who took compassion on me. 

Three days later after staying with my sister and my mom I returned to our home with our Bishop and began my recovery from a 3 month dysfunctional depression. 

In the beginning we both knew that we needed counseling.  Together we went to the first two sessions then my husband opted out of the sessions but I continued to go weekly. 

At first I resented the fact that he didn’t come.  To me it seemed like he believed that he didn’t need fixing but I did.  In time, however, I realized that I could talk  freely and make valuable changes that in turn changed the dynamics of our relationship.  It is said that when one actor changes their script the other actor must change as well.  As I learned to become less subservient and more honest and truthful, he became less demanding and more understanding. 

After I recovered from that first bout with depression I went through more depressions over a period of about 10 year.  The other episodes were shorter in length and I was diagnosed as bi-polar and put on medication.  Some of these additional bouts also involved counseling.  By now the pattern of beginning counseling together and ending on my own continued but toward the end of my counseling sessions (about 20 years ago) I began and ended on my own knowing that I could learn tools and take them home with me. 

My husband and I will be married 40 years come March 2016.  The road has not always been smooth but through it all I am thankful for how counseling has impacted us both whether we went together or I went by myself. 

To learn more, watch Patricia’s videos on cognitive therapy and journaling here. Read the rest of Patricia’s posts for IBPF here

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