A little backstory: I was diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder in January and started taking medication then. I am still on the original medication I started with, because it seems to work well for me, and have since added a second medication to the mix to help keep me even more stable. I have experienced one depressive episode since my diagnosis due to forgetting to pack my meds when I went on a weekend trip. But other than that brief hiccup in the spring, I have been more stable for the past ten months than I have been in a very long time.
Which is great.
Except it is starting to feel boring.
I’ve been thinking about this lately and am trying to think of ways to add more passion to my day-to-day life. I miss the excitement and the elation and the alive-ness of my hypomanic episodes sometimes (though I definitely don’t miss anything about the depressive episodes that followed them).
Don’t panic. I am not about to stop taking my medications or anything. But I do think it is worth talking about, as we all work towards recovery and stability and happiness, that sometimes being balanced can feel a little stifling after a while.
I feel like I’ve had, and am having, to recalibrate my emotional barometer. Once a person has tasted the elixir of mania or hypomania, how can they ever feel content with just “balanced” ever again? I wonder how much this has to do with how infamous we bipolar folks are for going off of our medications or taking them inconsistently?
Some things I am going to try to remember as I work on adjusting to this phase of my bipolar disorder:
- To seek out or begin projects which excite me and make me feel alive
- To both focus on the small day to day joys and also be excited about the bigger plans I am making for the next steps in my life
- To keep my sleep schedule regular
- To stay in touch with my doctor and therapist about what is happening
- To remember to practice self care
Do you have any other ideas for me? Have you ever started to feel bored with the stability you worked so hard to find, and what did you do about it?