In the beginning I thought that it would kill me, my personality, and my future. But after a few weeks Im hugely grateful for this experience.
I got there because I wanted to attempt suicide. Ive had a few suicide attempts before but this one was extremely dangerous and real. And so sudden and unexpected. So when my feet touched the ground I just got out of the house and walked to my Mums work and told her to call our psychiatrist and then the hospital. After 2 hours I was at the psych ward. And I need to admit that it was one of the best decisions in my life. I have so much to say about those 24 days but today I just want to count out a few things Im so grateful for.
Im very grateful because after seeing so many suffering people Im determined to heal myself and to do as much as I can to avoid the next big and long episodes as long as possible. My rapid cycling is still a huge problem but now I know that the worst thing I can do to myself is to break the treatment. I did it so many times through last five years when I was diagnosed. Because I was broken, my insurance was off, I havent had enough time to go to the appointment, etc. Now I know how easy is to get to the psych ward and how hard is to leave this place. And especially now when I have all opportunities to treat myself there is no reason to give up on myself. Thats the last thing I will ever do. From then Im doing my best.
Im very grateful because Ive met so many awesome people there. Actually Ive never met so many nice people in my life that in the psych ward. They were all extremely sincere and genuine. Actually where can you be more honest than in the place like this? Im still in touch with many of them and we still support each other just like we used to do in the hospital.
Im very grateful because now Im greatly grateful for everything. For a nice cup of tea, for a walk with my lovely dog, for a nice chat with my mum, for my favourite song in the radio, for a nice dinner, for a day outside and for every little step Im taking toward healthy lifestyle. For every day I feel good. Thats all I need right now. And yes Im grateful for being on the psych ward.