We have a thing against weakness don’t we… well I for one do.
When I look at negative unhelpful patterns going on in my life, despite the apparent effort that I have put in to change – I feel so weak and whiny. I often hate listening to myself talk to others because I am thinking that they must be thinking, “Here we go again…”
See that was yet another unhelpful pattern – presuming to think that others think the way I do.
Why is change sometimes just so darn hard?
For example, recently I have been trying to focus on the positives – but so often the negative comes in to taint the positive that I have just thought of.
A friend from overseas messages me on Facebook that she will be at a wedding and hopes to say hi. Then the negative comes in, she has been around for a few days, but she didn’t tell you so all you can do is say hi instead of having dinner like she did with other friends (Facebook is where you see those pictures – sigh it is both a tool for connection and comparison).
It is so terrible to think like that… because the negatives often seem to have the upper hand.
Why can’t I just stick to the positives? Why do I take so long to change these patterns?
I have heard the reasons…
Because some things take time like the blossoming of a flower and the turning into fruit, forcing it will not do any good.
Because some things are worth working out patiently, like the fashioning of a violin by putting wood under tension, a beautiful instrument will emerge.
I know these and other equally good analogies are true, but sometimes that space between awareness and accepting just seems like an uncrossable chasm and I am so weary of being aware, but not accepting.
The beginning of a new thought helped me a little recently: What if we have a different view of what weakness and strength is? I have read that weakness is defined as the state or condition of lacking strength.
But what if what we consider weak can instead be seen as a way to show that something else is strong in our lives? It is counterintuitive to boast of our weaknesses, but it is possible.
For me, I struggle with the expectation of rejection and disappointment.
By God’s grace I am working through them (I am blessed with a good psychologist and she helps too!) –but meanwhile, can I choose to be thankful that God’s strength still moves me in spite of these current weaknesses?
Despite my negative thoughts about friendship, He still helped me to make friends recently with a lady that I met at a mental health meeting.
We seemed to connect and I was looking forward to our dinner plan, but she became uncontactable on the day we were to meet. I have left messages on her phone and am still waiting to hear back from her. Maybe she won’t call me back and we won’t end up meeting. I could see this incident as proof that disappointment is to be expected. Or I can see it as proof that God’s strength helped me – because without His help, I would not have made a friend in the first place. The fact that there was a chance for me to be disappointed is actually a good thing, because it means I have not given up.
Something else may be showing itself strong in your life, because of the weakness you currently have.
Perhaps it is the strength of family or community ties – they may not always be there for you when you want them to be, but there will be times when they are. No matter how small these instances may seem, they are significant. So while I will continue to work on my weaknesses, I will also learn to boast of them now, because in doing so, I boast of the strengths of others.
