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Bipolar Disorder

My father didn’t believe our neighbor when he told us that our dog Ace was “taking care of a cat” in his insulated dog house outside, which was located a short distance from an almost five-foot tall woodpile in our back yard. One cold, April morning in 2003, Dad went out to get some wood for a fire and found 5 newborn kittens huddled together...
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Carrying the Weight

August 15, 2016
Prior to my diagnosis and starting my treatment, I spent countless hours each day stuck in a cycle of worry and panic. I would ruminate, the worst moments of my life and every single mistake I've ever made surfacing in my mind and stuck in an infinite replay. This led to mental anguish and daily panic attacks, which went on for some time. It got...
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Burnt

August 15, 2016
I have recently experienced a mental health burnout.Normally, when I say that I mean I’m tired of dealing with my own mental health, but not this time. This time I am just jaded regarding the blogging I do.Just over two years ago I went public with my condition on Facebook and Twitter. And the response was overwhelmingly positive. I received a lot...
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When I first started writing for International Bipolar Foundation, it was a coming out of sorts about my mental illness. I was open about it with the people in my life, on social media and on my own blog, but it wasn’t until I started writing for IBPF that, if you Google searched my name, you would find information about my bipolar disorder....
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If you walked into my house right now, this is what you would see: dishes piling up, laundry in piles waiting to be folded, a dirty floor and me in bed.It’s happening again. I’m having another manic episode. This one, though, is different. Maybe it’s the empty house or the loneliness of not having someone to lie next to at night. Maybe it’s...
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I always enjoy reading “listicles” about “what not to say” and “what to say” to someone with a mental illness. I read them and nod my head in agreement, as I can relate all too well. There are sayings or comments that may seem helpful, but aren’t in reality because they inadvertently minimize our thoughts and feelings or may make us feel even more...
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Have you ever been so afraid of tripping that you couldn't take a flight of stairs, even though something like that would never happen? This is the stage setting for my anxiety disorder. I have written about my bipolar disorder a lot of times, but my anxiety didn't let me write about my anxiety. I stand in front of the staircase,...
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Approximately three years ago I started noticing that something wasn’t quite right. At first it was little things, like putting my glasses in a desk drawer instead of on my nightstand like I normally would. That was just the beginning. It progressed rapidly. Within months I was forgetting things more often. I would have a doctor’s appointment and...
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I have been dealing with social anxiety since around the time I was diagnosed with Bipolar. That’s 8 long years dealing with both Bipolar and social anxiety. I used to keep myself at arms-length from people for fear of being rejected, since my social anxiety causes weird behaviors. These can be misconstrued very easily if you don’t know me well....
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One of my favorite movies is Silver Linings Playbook.  It is the first mainstream movie I’ve ever seen that accurately depicts the specific symptoms that each character has.  It goes into great detail about delusions, manic episodes, depression and all around bipolar symptoms.  It even goes as far as demonstrating the way people...
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Some days, I want to get off the ride. Some days, I just want to be “normal.” I don’t want to deal with unpleasant side effects of medications. I don’t want to endure my lows or spiral out of control during my highs. I don’t want to be crazy. I don’t want to fall short. I don’t want to struggle through my days. Living with bipolar disorder can be...
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Suicide is a permanent solution to what, with the proper help, could be a short-term situation. It needn't be permanent. Seek the help and support you need.When I attempted suicide, I caught my support system off guard, including my doctors and psychiatric nurse. I had kept my feelings to myself. I survived the next day, so I called my kids and...
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