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Family

“Oh my God,” my sister said, “you sounded just like Dad when you screamed at your wife during an argument!” She said that my head turned in a certain way just like our dad’s used to when he was in one of his frequent rages. “I thought he rose from the dead for a moment and you were him,” she laughed. My poor wife of nearly seven years is...
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No Time For You

November 4, 2016
Living with mental illness is hard enough without outside interference, but no one can avoid the outside interference of everyday life. Whether you work full time, go to school, have hectic family lives, or any combination of these things; they all add more weight to what you’re dealing with already when you wake up. Recently, I mentioned how...
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There has been no greater motivation for my recovery than fatherhood. Alone, I could go for long stretches of mood dysregulation. Even married, I was afforded the opportunity to sleep excessively and spend large amounts of time devoted to my self-care. Such privileges were no longer my reality once my oldest son was born in 2012. Suddenly,...
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My father was a man of very few words. The only exceptions were hilarious dad jokes and long conversations with my mother -- conversations that looked so pretty that I wished to have some like them in my life. Since he didn’t talk much, I can't start with a quote of wisdom from my father since I have never heard him say something about life,...
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Having been diagnosed as a manic depressive in 2009, I have had my roller coaster ride on this illness. My brain starts to function in such a manner that no one could ever understand or fathom the swings in my moods and behavior. As a person with bipolar disorder myself, I experienced extremities in my way of thinking. More often than not, this...
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This Labor Day has brought back a gloomy memory. “You’ve failed at everything you’ve ever done, Daddy, and you’ve been sick all of my life.” Those stinging words came from my then 27-year-old son.  He regretted saying that to me and apologized the next day. My son was struggling with his own challenges and needed me to be stable for him. My...
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I was sitting in my psychiatrist’s office recently in a large, oversized chair staring at the slightly crooked pictures on the wall. A boat. A beach. African figures. I could hear the ticking of the clock as I scanned the piles of books and patient records underneath, looking at anything but her face. Tick. Tick. Tick. I knew what she was going to...
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I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD and OCD. It’s not easy living with me sometimes, especially if I forget to take my meds. I also have a history of drug and alcohol abuse. I am 41 years old, and I have spent most of the first 40 years stretching my body and mind to their limits. I have put myself in quite a few disastrous situations. I have...
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Parenting Made Interesting

August 18, 2016
For parents taking care of a child who has autism, life is an everyday challenge. Sometimes, it's good. Other times, not so much. But what if you're a single parent? What if you're a single parent who has bipolar disorder? What would it be like then? With my son and me, I'd say the answer is … interesting.Having bipolar disorder presents me with...
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Greetings all! I am a new blogger here as of this month, and I'm really excited to begin the process of opening up a great door: the door of honest discussion about bipolar disorder. There are so many facets to this condition. I thought I would start off with one I am currently working through. I'm a woman with bipolar disorder. I've...
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I’m not who I say I am. That’s because my family would prefer I not use my given name. Many of them don’t believe in bipolar disorder. They think my difficulties were created by using street stimulants during my halcyon Hollywood years, struggling to stay slender for the cameras. Taking mood stabilizers, antidepressants? Just more drug...
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My Symbol of Hope

June 30, 2016
For many months, I have been suffering from suicidal ideations. I was completely honest with my psychiatrist, my family and friends who support me. I told them that it was not something I wanted to act on, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. For more than six months, the idea of suicide was constantly there. I didn’t have one day where...
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