It starts with a feeling of restlessness. I cant sit still in one place too long. I try to listen to music. Read. Surf the Internet. Nothing catches my interest. The restlessness grows.Am I hungry?Am I thirsty?I try satiating both. Nothing helps.Now, Im getting...
To Be or Not To Be….THAT is the Question…….This year, I had several friends celebrating Mother’s Day for the very first time with their newborns. I was so happy and excited for them; starting a family and moving into the next phase of their...
They come in threes.1. I spun out over Time Magazine’s controversial article Are You Mom Enough? extolling the virtues of attachment parenting, AKA, baby-centered parenting, which includes breastfeeding well into toddler years, co-sleeping and a strong distain for...
I am one of those people who feels the need to make a difference. I hate to stand by and see others suffer. So it’s no surprise that I tend to be drawn to the kind of jobs known as “the helping professions.” Over the last 15 years, as well as...
In the words of Sheryl Crow, I can’t cry anymore. At least, not for now. Please. I’m exhausted. Crying is draining, although it feels strangely good at the same time. Some of it has to do with “being a girl,” but more of it has to do with other stuff – medication...
Patience means…Not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waitingI read this recently…and here are some thoughts I have on what I am waiting for…I read this recently…and here are some thoughts I have on what I am...
Self-perpetuated Disappointment and the Queen of its Kingdom … Me!There once was a girl who grew older every year. Each year her birthday snuck up behind her and screamed, “Boo!” then ran away. Each year she convinced herself she would punch that monster in the...
A few nights ago my wife and I were talking, as we have a want to do. It’s very rare that we will sit and watch TV together; we prefer to talk… and laugh. Anyway, as part of this conversation my wife asked, ‘Do you know what you bring to my life?’‘Trouble’ I...
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder roughly twelve years ago. I wasn’t remotely surprised when the kindly psychiatrist told me, as I already had a good grasp of psychiatry and I had had a good idea of what was wrong with me since adolescence, I say wrong in...
Last week, The Institute of Mental Health in singapore started a campaign called Burst The Silence – to encourage people to talk about mental illness.It made me think of when and why we choose to share our stories, those of us who have been touched by...
It’s simply amazing what gratitude can do for you and how it can enrich one’s life. I am personally thankful for all of the amazing opportunities in my life. Despite being diagnosed with bipolar I have accomplished many things in my life. I have managed a...
Getting any psychiatric diagnosis inevitably leads to a lot of questions. Once someone has been given a clinical label, it’s not surprising that they begin to wonder: why do I have this disorder? What’s the prognosis? What are the treatment options? What will my...
I’m writing from deep inside the rabbit hole. It’s truly a miracle that I’m even writing this, but I have something I really need to say.Here goes.I had a humongous Ganglion Cyst (I know, right? ewww) removed from my wrist a week ago. No biggie, right? I went under...
Dedicated to the winters of my soul – because hibernation is as much a part of life as hyper-nation :)I used to fear the crashNow I know it can be more like a deeper diveSee different thingsOr see things differentlyFeel differentlyOr feel nothing at allJust...
Until my father returned to school to finish his education for the ministry,I lived in the distant rural, from which I learned many lessons of living. Theselessons came easily to a sensitive mind, the point I wish to discuss as an earlymemory of knowing I was...
There is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder or specifically a symptom sometimes synonymous with Mania that many suffer from, a challenging, difficult and perhaps embarrassing symptom that often does not get the recognition or attention it deserves. Sometimes we ourselves...
People used to just say I was weird or eclectic or something like that. No one had a clue what was going on, including myself. I was probably the least aware of what was going on in my head or in the real world. What is the real world anyway? Is my perception of...
If you’ve explored the International Bipolar Foundation website, you’ve noticed that we encourage those diagnosed with bipolar disorder or depression to explore—even study– these disorders. Armed with knowledge, the informed patient feels far more empowered when...
Recently I discovered that the medication I’ve been on since 2008 (Epilim) causes a side effect (cysts in ovary) that is somewhat worrisome given the results of a recent health screening (I have a few cysts that are a few cms in size) and my maternal family...
The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the...
The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the...
Mania is the key defining characteristic of Bipolar Disorder that makes it so very special and unique from all the other disorders out there, so its not shocking that I get asked to describe what it feels like quite often. Just the other day a well-meaning...
Compliments … words most people adore. Words that make people blush. Words that make people feel good about themselves. Compliments are confidence boosters … mood lifters … reminders that we are awesome. Who wouldn’t want a compliment from time to time?Well, I’ll tell...
A couple of weeks ago, I had an initial assessment with a psychologist from my Community Mental Health Team. The purpose of the session was to look at how talking therapies might be of benefit to me in helping me manage my bipolar disorder. We started by talking...
On March 5, 2005, I was diagnosed with Bipolar and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by a staff psychiatrist in my first, and what I hope will be my last, mental hospital. This diagnosis was the beginning of my real life, a life of freedom I never knew existed. Of...
I always knew that there was something different about me, though for many years I wasnt quite sure what it actually was. I knew the difference was to with my Brain, my faithful grey matter that appeared to operate at a different level to other people and in a...
My name is Sarah and I am a Holiday-holic.Yes, I love the holidays. In fact, I probably love them too much. I am so emotionally over-invested that I sometimes get overwhelmed, creating a horrible disconnect between the fantasy and the reality.The truth is that I...
When is a good time for my friends to ask about how I’m doing with my meds? Or whether I’ve been taking them constantly?I asked myself these questions recently because my colleagues know about my condition and they often ask me about my meds. While I...
Recently I have been watching a series of television programmes by Derren Brown on Channel 4 in the UK called ‘The Experiments’. Each episode has explored a facet of human nature: the first asked whether it was possible to hypnotise an individual into assassinating a...
I write a lot about Hollywood. Why? Well, I think it’s because I love t.v. shows and movies, or maybe because I have friends and relatives living in L.A. and work in the entertainment industry. Or maybe it started because as a baby, I was exposed to movie...
As someone with a bipolar diagnosis, I do feel very deeply and I used to wonder if that was the problem. I realize that it’s okay to feel deeply and even to show the emotions (I mean, Jesus knew he was going to call Lazarus out from the tomb, but He still let...
I destroyed my first marriage through infidelity, wild spending sprees, outbursts of rage, and many of the other hallmarks of uncontrolled bipolar mania. People who know the ugly details of my story are often surprised to learn that my second marriage is so successful...
Stigma. One very important issue we, as a community, try to battle. It’s the negative assumptions associated with bipolar and those who have been diagnosed with the illness. I personally have experienced instances where certain assumptions were made about me...
I hear about this so much, people hate the weight gain side effects of medication. I will be honest with you, I hate it too. However, I have learned the hard way. The most impulsive and manic thing I have ever done is get liposuction after gaining 36lbs from...
So this sadness returns quietly. Always quietly. No great trumpeting or horn blast. No drum circle or full bodied gospel wail. No stunning metaphor or dazzling simile. There is only this throbbing and distant and empty and quiet. Always this white noise of rush and...
Just this past week, I traveled with my wife and our seven-month old son to Winona, Minnesota, La Crosse, Wisconsin, and Viroqua, Wisconsin to share my experiences of living with bipolar disorder with four different audiences. At the end of two of the presentations, I...
I’m racing out the door with my work bag slung over my shoulder, a glass of water in one hand, and my handful of morning medications in the other. Anti-depressant? Check. Mood stabilizer? Check. Adderall? Check. Anti-anxiety? Check. I gulp them down with the...
Gosh I hope not. In the last few years, the headlines in newspapers and magazines have been flooded with reports of celebrities having bipolar disorder, criminals having bipolar disorder, even headlines of missing persons who have bipolar disorder. There was Britney...
When I woke up that morning in hospital, ten years ago, she stood there. The psychologist I started to see about three months prior to becoming manic for the first time. I went to see her, because deep inside myself it felt as if something was “not right”, but neither...
I am not mean I am nice. I’m thankful for the things I have and do. I like myself so I don’t want to change. I am a lot like those around me. I have feelings, emotions too.Sometimes I might get angry, upset, surprised or excited. My emotions are built up inside of me....
