The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the endless dimly lit streets. He is like the favoured Ripper with his unquenched, insatiable thirst for flesh, pouring cheap spirits down his poisonous, lecherous throat and spewing bile onto the damp sodden streets, the smell of excrement and urine filling his nostrils but refusing to make him vomit, lest he be confirmed a creature reviled by disease, when in fact, he is the disease!
Feeling invincible during the highs, the feeling persists, knowing I can close my door and he shall not grace my path. Knowing that he will walk on, walk on to torment another soul in the misery of this darkened night – safe from the smell of evil and unkempt flesh and putrid breath, safe from the words spat out from a blackened mouth – safe from the imposter who commands my Soul!.
Though, perhaps I was too quick to sense abandonment, to naively believe that I had completed my time and earned my reward from the Prince who is hell bent on my damnation. Perhaps I have not yet screamed loud enough to wake my fellow companions or not cried hard enough to make myself weak with fear, not known long enough the feel of the jagged knife and the slicing of my skin, not continuously savoured the endless blood colouring the floor and the pictures it indeed creates in one’s mind. Maybe I have not experienced enough pain, my Body not yet so crippled as to be ruinous, my pulse still strong, my breathe still even?
I was too quick I know now finally, to believe that you had left, I sigh as you hold me once more, delicately against your cold body, your blood running icily through your veins. Though strangely your breath is hot, fiery hot, against my neck and your body curves round mine so beautifully, so perfectly, almost like we are lovers. A perfect fit, my charred remains and yours, finally returned to one another, almost like a union, though not created in love but despair. Cold heartless despair; whispering to me, trying in earnest to save me from the jaws of pure evil, the yellow toothed beast waiting for my blood, smelling the humid air, waiting to pounce upon his victim, the prince of darkness with his familiar laughter, ringing through the streets, waking one and all from their exhausting, appalling nightmare. Though for me there is no exquisite delight from waking from an awful, spine tingling dream to find that the reality is different, to discover that I am safe, that the monsters that terrify me, are simply visions of my subconscious. No, for me there is only the brutal truth, not a sugar coated truth, made easier to swallow, but a cold ferocious truth, unpalatable, being forced down deep inside me, as I fight endlessly, choking on the bile being poured down my throat, consuming me, devouring me, killing me.
As I sit in the cage where I shall be kept, I hear nothing but the screams of the taken, screams that shake my body and frighten me, their sound a reminder of what is to come, what shall be my fate, my destiny. There is no way out of this prison, this hell on earth that I have somehow been chosen to be part of. Just hour upon hour of pain and torment, clawing at the walls and desperately trying to pick the lock and find my way to freedom, running through the streets, in my skirts, trying to find a way out or a way into a different dimension, a more pleasant world, where I would be safe with my own kind. Protected by their love and warmth; saved by their crucifixes and Rosary beads, saved by their quietly whispered prayers to save my soul.
Though it all comes too late, they are too late to save my soul, too late to find me and prepare for an exorcism, too late to adorn their bodies with their weapons and courageously take on the vile beast, too late to rescue my soul from the jaws of evil.
I am his, I will always be his, trapped in a horrifying reality of pain and torture, blood and screams, trapped forever, exhausted, gasping for breath as I am slowly beaten into submission, until my soul finally dies!