I have had quite a bit going on lately. I would like to share with you some of the things that have been keeping me so busy. As summer wound down last year, I went back to work. Why is this important – because I have been on disability since April of 2011. Things had happened and I thought I was going to lose my disability. So I started looking for a job I thought I could handle.
Almost immediately, I found a great job. It was well suited for me. The office was small and mostly quiet. Plus, I enjoyed the work I was doing. Unfortunately, it didn’t last. Within three months I had missed so many days because of my illness. They wrote me up. They warned me, one more offense and I would be let go. Well I knew right then I would never be able to meet their standards.
I went to see my PDoc and after I talked to his nurse I joined a partial program at the hospital. I would go to the hospital every day and I could come home at night. It was a great learning experience. I found out during the hospital visit that not only do I have bipolar and anxiety, but I also have OCD and PTSD. I wasn’t surprised. You should see me at a restaurant or the grocery store. My girls have joked about my OCD for a long while. Take the Krystal for example, everything about the small burger is square. So honestly tell me – why can’t it ever be a perfect square when I get them? This is one of my biggest pet peeves. And even McDonald’s – everything is round except for the cheese. How hard is it to make a circle? Good grief, I can’t stand that. And don’t even get me started about packing things. This includes the cart when we go grocery shopping. I start from the front and build my little grocery block little by little until I am done – mostly perfect little square.
As for the PTSD, my girls always ask me why I have to sit with a wall to my back. I can’t ever sit comfortably with my back facing the door. I always look in the back seat of the car before getting in. And when we go on vacation I have to sleep closest to the door and of course I won’t lay with my back facing the door. I’ve been doing all this ever since I was a kid. It’s just gotten worse I think as an adult.
After the partial program, I started my new medication my PDoc had suggested. It was amazing. Some of the new medicine changed my taste buds and I started losing weight. So far I have lost about 45 pounds since Thanksgiving. I haven’t been keeping up with my blogs either. I have had so many things pulling me in different directions, I just haven’t had the time to think about anything else. The most important thing I’ve been doing is writing a novel. I started writing a book a couple of years ago. I never could get it together. Every time I opened it to write a little while I would end up just revising what I had already wrote. It was so frustrating I just set it aside and quit trying. However, in late March of this year, I started writing again. This time I started from the beginning and wrote a completely different book than the one I had given up on. It only took me a few weeks to complete the novel to my satisfaction. Everything seemed to flow just right. The book is similar to my blogs. I just went about it as if I was writing one big blog. It turned out great. I have been looking for a publisher or literary agent for around a week now. Because of the way I wrote it (overcoming mental illness and living a full life) it turned out to be somewhat of a self-help book, partly religious, and also modern literature. Of course it is a fiction novel. Any likeness to anyone or anything is completely a coincidence. So I have been keeping myself busy. I feel a lot better emotionally since my hospital visits. I also feel like I am rejuvenated since I have started losing weight. I even joined a gym last month. I’ve really enjoyed that. When I have something on my mind, good or bad – mostly bad – then I can just go to the gym and work out. Working out at the gym really helps clear my mind. I can work out any frustration, stress and worry.
My illness is under better control since my PDoc changed some of my medicine last fall. I honestly feel like I am moving in the right direction. I’m in a good place in my life right now. It feels good to be moving forward instead of always stumbling backwards.