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Depression

To Loathe or To Love?

December 9, 2014
To Loathe Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw. Self-loathing had been a big part of my identity. Why did I hate myself so much? Why did I look at my reflection with contempt and disgust? I am not sure how or when it started, but many of my earliest memories were of simply not wanting to be me. Since that was...
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I am fortunate to be mentally stable and manage my bipolar disorder well.  That being said I sometimes have a tendency to not always have a positive mindset throughout my day.  At times negative things that people say or do bother me and I’m not able to let go of them quickly.  In the last week I’ve come across an exercise which is...
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Nine years ago this December, my mental illness erupted through the surface of my otherwise regular life. Work was a snowstorm of activity with the holidays approaching, and I remember feeling super stressed out trying to keep all my end-of-the-year meetings with my many clients. This, on top of buying gifts for everyone on my list, which had...
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 We've all heard it before, or something similar, "This too shall pass". "Just puts your big girl panties on". "You've been here before, you can do it again". While our loved ones mean well, in the throes of depression, these are sometimes the absolute worst things to say to someone living in what seems to be the depths of doom....
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November 22, 2014 is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, a day that much of society most likely does not know anything about. The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP) in recognition of a resolution that Senator Harry Reid introduced to the senate, pronounced the Saturday before Thanksgiving to be “Survivors of Suicide Loss Day...
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Getting Help

November 19, 2014
Getting help for my bipolar disorder was one of the hardest and best things I’ve done. I’m a pretty proud and independent person so opening up and making myself vulnerable was extremely daunting. I was in my third and final year of university when I knew something wasn’t right. The familiar feeling of dark hopelessness had started to creep...
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Resilience is defined as “the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens” or “the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, bent, etc.” If you want a real-world example of something that’s resilient, think of a Slinky.I think it's fair to say that...
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Why I Save My Dad's Voicemails

November 12, 2014
 I've been wanting to write about this topic for a while, but I kept putting it off.  It wasn't that I didn't want to do it, but more and more I found myself easily distracted. (Thank you social media!  I'm blaming you!) ;) I realized that the most inspiring time to reminisce would fall close to Halloween, my favorite day...
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Talk therapy is a big part of my treatment plan.  I can’t go without it.  I know medication is a necessity for me, but I need my therapist.  I need cognitive behavioral techniques, and I need coping skills.  It’s a struggle for me to simply function some days.  Lots of days. Every time I leave my therapist, I feel so...
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South Africa The sad bigotry, Like stalactites, Cold fingers,  Paw at the caverns of my mind Phantoms,  reminitions of my past,  Await me,  In cochineal cloaks,  Those ghosts of yesterday  To feed again,   Extinguish the lights of my horizons I yearn to remove this cancerous growth   Within...
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Out of the Dark

November 4, 2014
Mental Health Awareness Week occurred from October 5-11 and on October 11 I participated in one of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s ‘Out of the Darkness Walks’ in Northern California. I was planning to go alone because I had attempted to persuade friends and family to join me, but I got the same response, ‘Susanna that is too...
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We're All Human

October 22, 2014
This week my old friend really wanted to meet up with me. I just had a very deep depression episode and now I’m trying to go back to society. I’m looking for a new job, doing things which I used to love and doing as much as possible to feel good. And stay out of trouble of course. She knew about my problems but we haven’t been in touch lately. In...
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