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Depression

Diary of a Mood Swing

March 24, 2015
2/25/15 Mania.  I am manic as hell right now.  I can’t sit still.  Nothing is enough. It’s insatiable.  I smoke too much, want sex too much, shop too much.  And it’s never enough. Never.  I have to keep going, keep seeking out pleasure, and it’s like it’s not even my decision.  It’s like it’s happening to me...
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One of the reasons I am glad that I moved to Florida is that it led me to a peer run drop in center near my house called Rebel’s Drop In. In my small county, Broward, between Palm Beach and Miami-Dade, we have 5 of these centers. Peer run drop in centers average 5 per state, see the links below to find one near you. Mindfulness, OA, NAMI...
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Melancholy It’s winter.I knew you’d be knocking at my door soon.Your familiar spirit--always unwelcomed--but persistent. She asked me “What are you depressed about?”I wanted to shout “About the serotonin depletion,The change in weather that makes my synapses misfire,My unrelenting neurochemistry is why!” But, instead, I cite the job...
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I recently watched a documentary called “Titanic’s Final Mystery.” It put forth a new theory that, due to unusual weather conditions on the night of the Titanic tragedy, there was a mirage that prevented the ship’s lookouts from seeing the infamous iceberg. It’s an interesting theory, though there’s debate as to whether it’s true. But the bottom...
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Learning to Be Stable

January 27, 2015
What is ‘stable’? After 6 years of constant ups and downs I wouldn’t know what euthymia was like if it slapped me in the face. I was diagnosed with unipolar depression when I was 20 and up until 22 (when I was re-diagnosed with bipolar), I thought I had been cycling in and out of depression and euthymia on a yearly basis. I would spend...
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Often times, people are depressed after the holiday season for a variety of reasons, but the New Year brings with it new possibilities if we are open to them.  Every moment we are alive is a new moment so every moment brings a new possibility even though we may not be aware of it.  When we are depressed, it is hard to see possibilities...
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I Have a Bipolar Support Dog

December 29, 2014
When I got my dog, Lena, just over two years ago, I didn’t yet know I had bipolar disorder. I had been diagnosed with major depression by my college’s health services and given only an anti-depressant to take. I had been high as a kite all summer – my apartment was spotless, I’d traveled across the country, I was hosting parties and potlucks for...
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A Torn Yet Magical Christmas

December 23, 2014
I hope you all are having a wonderful Holiday Season and you all have a blessed Christmas. This month’s blog entry will be a poem that I wrote; I hope it brings you comfort and strength, though this time of year is a joyous time for many, many others suffer alone and in silence. Behind closed doors are individuals who can’t climb out of their...
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Tis the Season to be Depressed

December 16, 2014
It is that time of year again when we are supposed to be joyful, surrounded by friends and family, and have a generous heart.  Many of us though find this time of year to be depressing especially because we are supposed to be in the Holiday Spirit.  We are keenly aware we cannot be with loved ones either because they may live far away,...
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Life Preserver

December 16, 2014
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s (AFSP) logo is a life preserver. I think the idea is that the organization brings people together who want to preserve life and prevent suicide. For those of us who have tried to help a loved one who has to navigate life with a mental illness, the idea that you, personally, are a life preserver for...
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We all know someone or have gone through the experience of losing friends because of a mental illness. I don’t have many friends right now and I go day by day watching my two sisters, my Mom, my Dad, and even going into a store, I see girls laughing together and the sad thing, is that, that was me a few years ago. That was me. Some of my...
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Jumping off my balcony, abusing drugs, walking down the middle of a highway and neglecting meds. That’s how I use to ring in the New Year and wish my family a Merry Christmas. Since I’ve been diagnosed bipolar in 2011 I’ve found that once the Christmas season hits, I start to experience relapses. I could be as stable as a seamstress going into the...
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