As the last American soldier stepped aboard a C-17 cargo plane in Kabul in September 2021 and became the last soldier to leave Afghanistan, my inbox was filling up with messages of despair from Afghan war veterans. They were witnessing a disastrous end to the war for...
By: Melinda Goedeke Spying on a lobster the size of my leg while gently swaying back and forth 70 ft. below the sea is both exhilarating and meditative for me. I even secretly like the anxiety of knowing that with each breath my oxygen is depleting. I swim swiftly...
By Melinda Goedeke I laugh sarcastically every time I watch a commercial about medication for the treatment of bipolar disorder. Unkempt young men and women are shown in dark, depressing places with vacuous eyes and downtrodden faces until they take the miracle...
by Melinda Goedeke I’m often asked whether or not I saw the signs. What I hear in that question is blame and responsibility; assignment of fault. I didn’t see the signs because there weren’t many to see; I saw Laura – my delightful, radiant, and complicated...
Authors: Major General Gregg Martin, PhD, US Army Retired, and David Bartley May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a month in which we shine a light on mental health. I have chosen to focus on one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized of human experiences –...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Destigmatize: to remove association from shame or disgrace (according to Miriam Webster). I like destigmatizing; it feels honorable and worthwhile. And it is. I destigmatize all over the place often with tears streaming down my face as I...
Author: Angela McCrimmon Someone stated something that startled me recently. It also left me in a state of reflection and eventually led me to a feeling of encouragement so it might surprise you when I share what their words of wisdom were to brighten up my day. They...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Recently, I went on an incredible rafting trip down the Colorado River in Moab, Utah. If I fell out of the raft, I was told to put my hand on my head signaling I was okay. The guide said that okay meant I was alive. I might be bleeding,...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Sleeping is an event for me. 8:30 p.m. comes around, and I start thinking about sleep. I put on my oversized jammies and crawl into bed ready…..ready to shut down. To stop. To rest. My husband doesn’t do any “readying” and is asleep the moment...
Author: Melinda Goedeke Contingency plans rule my world because I see the glass as half empty. My kids used to sarcastically call me the beam of optimism because I was always preparing for the impending disaster. It’s one of those special gifts I learned in...
Author: Melinda Goedeke I remember this moment in time clearly – standing in my office holding my friend Pat’s hand listening as her words tumbled awkwardly yet resolutely out of her mouth and tears quietly cascaded down her cheeks. “Now, I don’t even have...
Author: Violette Kay Being suicidal while manic is probably the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced. Normally my manic self would think “I would never kill myself. How could I ever be so cruel as to deprive the world of my light?” but this time was different. As I...
Author: Sophia Falco Dear Sophia, You are deeply loved. You have not let bipolar disorder 1 define you while living with it for nearly a decade. This is not your fault, and you don’t deserve this suffering. You have persevered through challenging times in the past as...
Author: Kitty Dedicated to all of those we have lost due to mental illness. I strive to endure because I know you are beside me. Surviving an abusive childhood left me with many mental obstacles but I can confidently say that for me personally, bipolar disorder was...
Author: Melinda Goedeke As the sun sets and the red hues slowly drip into the lake, I pause and watch. Peace washes over me as I breathe slowly noting the sound of my breath. It is a stark contrast to the rapid, somewhat panicked breathing I know all too well. The...
Author: Valéry Brosseau The gym smelled a bit like a warehouse would smell, but mostly like sweat. I came to this gym 5 times a week to practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu but tonight I was not feeling it. I struggled through the warm up. My anxiety was making me irritable...
By: Jayson Blair When I first went to a therapist office, a little more than 15 years ago, there was an intake form that included a long list of conditions under a question about family medical history. Diabetes? Check. Heart disease? Check. Auto-immune diseases?...
By: Laura Sanscartier In the throes of my bipolar depression and psychosis, all I wanted to do was die. This has happened multiple times in my life. I have attempted suicide multiple times. I was sure that the only way to relieve the stress on my spouse and family was...
By: Tosha Maaks I am a lucky suicide survivor. In 2008 I tried to end my life after a hard day at my job. I came home, and I said good-bye to my children, and I climbed into bed to snuggle with my middle child and say my good-byes to him. My husband knew something...
Like many people, my bipolar disorder was misdiagnosed for years. On average, people wait six years for a proper diagnosis. For me, it was decades. In hindsight, my new diagnosis made so much sense and explained so much of what I had been through over the years. It...
My only brother received a gift two days after his birthday, and ten days before Christmas. It was a gift that every person who suffers from mental illness wants. He carried a cross throughout his life called bipolar disorder. Many people – including me, our...
September is Suicide Prevention Month. This is my story of my suicide attempt on September 12, 2014. I have chosen to share this to raise awareness – it has never been told before. Blink. “One, two, three.” My limp body slid to the ER table. Blink. The bright light....
When I wrote about my bipolar disorder, anxiety and PTSD, I thought it was the hardest thing I did. But now I realise that what Im writing about today is the hardest thing I have ever done. The only reason this has taken me so long is the same reason why I kept quiet...
Suicide is a permanent solution to what, with the proper help, could be a short-term situation. It needn’t be permanent. Seek the help and support you need.When I attempted suicide, I caught my support system off guard, including my doctors and psychiatric...
For many months, I have been suffering from suicidal ideations. I was completely honest with my psychiatrist, my family and friends who support me. I told them that it was not something I wanted to act on, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. For more than...
Dear, dear friend, I want to say that I’m glad that you did not succeed. Life without you would be a very dull place indeed. You have made it. You are still breathing. Your heart is beating and you have been given a second chance. There are many things I would...
When I’m doing day-to-day things, it is very common for other people to ask me why I have a semicolon tattoo on my right wrist. A semicolon is defined as a punctuation mark indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than...
Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder was one of the most traumatic events of my life. The illness presented itself in my teens and at the time I was unaware of the possibility that my experiences had a diagnosis and that things could get better. By the time I began...
Its been a year. My dad died by suicide on September 3, 2014, his 65th birthday. Its taken me this long to say that out loud to more than a handful of people who didnt already know this to be the case. I didnt find out until September 5th which has been recorded...
Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S. and third among young people. I first had suicidal thoughts when I was nineteen and in college. I thought I would kill myself by cutting my wrists, but I couldn’t cut deep enough and once I started...
There are a lot of things about suicide that aren’t talked about. The thing that comes to mind for me, having survived a suicide attempt early this year, is what happens when you survive. Once you get out of the hospital, you will probably be happy to have your...
In my last blog post ‘My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1’, I wrote about how I became suicidally depressed and psychotic, which lead to a hospitalisation. In this post I will write about the changing point of my depression and how I got better. I was...
I would like to introduce myself by talking about something that happened last week in my hometown. A teacher committed suicide in her classroom by hanging herself. After reading the news article, I noticed a trend in the comments section. A lot of people were...
March is always a hard month for me and my family because of the anniversary of my brother’s death. This year on March 16th, it is the 10th year since he took his life. He suffered from bipolar disorder and passed away when he was only 25 years old. He died...
Melancholy Its winter.I knew youd be knocking at my door soon.Your familiar spirit–always unwelcomed–but persistent. She asked me What are you depressed about?I wanted to shout About the serotonin depletion,The change in weather that makes...
In the beginning I thought that it would kill me, my personality, and my future. But after a few weeks Im hugely grateful for this experience. I got there because I wanted to attempt suicide. Ive had a few suicide attempts before but this one was extremely...
The days following my dad’s death by suicide were the loneliest of my life. In a roomful of people, in the midst of a hug, in the middle of a conversation, the resounding thought I had was that I was alone. No one had the relationship I did with my dad, no one...
I am just going to come out and say it. I, Nanieve, am relieved that I can finally rip down the gaudy Christmas baubles, fold up the tree, and wipe the stupid but, expected cheerful grin off my face. To me, the festive season feels unbearably stressful....
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s (AFSP) logo is a life preserver. I think the idea is that the organization brings people together who want to preserve life and prevent suicide. For those of us who have tried to help a loved one who has to navigate...
November 22, 2014 is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, a day that much of society most likely does not know anything about. The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP) in recognition of a resolution that Senator Harry Reid introduced to the senate,...
Mental Health Awareness Week occurred from October 5-11 and on October 11 I participated in one of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s ‘Out of the Darkness Walks’ in Northern California. I was planning to go alone because I had attempted to persuade...
Suicide has been in the media a lot over the last little while due to the very sad passing of Robin Williams. As such a public figure, his death has started a broader conversation about suicide. I do not know his circumstances and so I will not dwell on what lead Mr....
The day Robin Williams passed away my husband woke me up from an impromptu nap. I had a rough day and I was very tired. The first words I heard from my nap were “Robin Williams passed away”. How? “Apparent suicide” he replied. Now I don’t normally get emotional...
I write this entry in my blog with a very heavy heart, as I mourn with the rest of the world over the tragic news of Robin Williams passing. A brilliant man, in every sense of the word, an amazing actor, a Talented Comedian, a man who shared...
I hope my readers are taking it day by day. Remember don’t ever let the light inside of you dim. This month’s topic I’m going to address is ”Why hospitalization is so important and what important and positive role does it play in a person’s...
Good afternoon readers, I hope this entry finds you fighting to keep going. Because I truly believe with all my heart every precious life has such Value in this world, and I want to offer you as much encouragement as I...
We all know the importance of mental health awareness, and doing our part of erasing the stigma that still surrounds Disorders like Bipolar. As March 30th approaches which is World Bipolar Day, its also Van Goghs birthday who is a well known Dutch impressionist...
Do you have pets? I do. I have two. One is a feisty little lovebird with a big attitude. His name is Chicklet. This picture is of my other pet. Her name is Maggie. She is my 8 month old puppy. I got her when she was 14 weeks old. She’s wonderful, cute, the new love of...
DISCLOSURESTOP and read the following clearly. This article may be troubling to somebody thinking about suicide. This article is about personal and factual experiences regarding suicide. Please do not read if you are in a dark place and feeling suicidal. Suicide...
Everyone dreams right? We all have wishes of what could be or what we’d like or even whom. However, dreaming when we should be sleeping is something different. And for those of us with Bipolar Disorder, dreaming can become a minefield we maneuver in our sleeping...
