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I was once a high-valued corporate spy, investigating customer service everywhere I went by working as a mystery shopper. After a year of luxury brand espionage, I went inactive. Why would I forgo hitting posh hair salons on the house, free smells, scrubs, and soaps while receiving hand massages? Wouldn’t I miss playing ‘let’s pretend I’m...
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The Dog

November 25, 2015
Creativity in bipolar disorder is more often than not associated with hypomania/mania instead of depression. However, I wrote this description of depression eighteen months ago while I was in hospital and psychotically depressed: My dog has returned to me. Not my cute, loving and gentle dog, but my big, all- consuming and unrelenting black...
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Messiah Complex

November 25, 2015

Marek Danielewski

My name is Marek Danielewski and I have been diagnosed properly with Bipolar Disorder for about 9 years. While I know I suffered longer, I found ways of self-therapy and treatment. I wanted to submit my art and ideas on ‘bipolar and art’ to the blog to inform, inspire and educate. After some thought I decided to simply put in my art statement...
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Surviving Bipolar Depression

November 23, 2015
It's like I'm Paralyzed. Not physically but mentally. It's this gripping fear of facing the day when I can barely muster the strength to get up and hit snooze on my alarm clock for the fourth or fifth time in a row. There's a relentless knocking of responsibility at my door but I am afraid to answer. I end up flipping my pillow because one side is...
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What Medications?

November 23, 2015
Mental illness can be an ugly disease to live with. People talk about the prejudice that they face when people know that they have a mental illness. I've been lucky. I've spoken before about sharing my condition with others and usually nothing too terrible comes from it. Until this summer. I spent three days in varying ER's being treated...
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Swim With Me

November 10, 2015
Self-loathing is something I do best. It never ends. I have knots in my stomach, bricks on my chest, a lump in my throat. I’m anxious and depressed at the same time. I try to be positive. I read articles about how to get myself out of this. But I can’t. It consumes me; it takes control, and no matter how hard I try to steer this boat, it sinks....
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“I think you’re becoming elevated” are words that make the ground fall out from under my feet. When I hear someone even hint that I am unusually energetic, cheerful, speedy or irritable it feels like my grip on reality is weakening. I can picture my ascent into mania all too strongly as the times when I have been manic and out of control rise to...
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Move Over Movement Disorder

November 6, 2015
Have you ever felt that you were the patient treatment wouldn’t help? After three years of searching for relief from Tardive Dyskinesia I was defeated. Out cold. Counted to ten. My saving grace was my husband because he would not let me give up. We were both up every morning at 5am, googling ‘Movement Disorder Specialists,’ ‘Tardive Dyskinesia,’ ‘...
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Mania, Anger, and Guilt

November 4, 2015
Mania is a very tough subject for me. When I’d go through the manic episodes it was very painful. I’ll admit, after I dealt with it in therapy, I just wanted to forget about it, but I know that’s not right for our readers. So, here goes… I deal with mania a lot. When I would get angry, anything would and could set me off. When I would get set...
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Tobacco Wilderness

November 4, 2015
Two years ago, I tried to give up smoking. It was just before Christmas, just before New Year’s resolutions come along where we all make promises to be better and do better, eat less cake, and then predictably fall flat on our faces. But it wasn’t about that. It was simply because I thought I should. It would be good for me, my health, my...
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No Longer A Number

November 3, 2015
Just like my bipolar disorder, my eating disorder started in bits and pieces and later formed a cycle. Did you know that as many as 14% of people with bipolar disorder have a co-occurring eating disorder? And it’s not just women! There are male anorexics,  bulimics and men with ‘Bigorexia,’ lifting and taking steroids to achieve the...
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Sometimes mania seems like the ugly stepchild of the bipolar duo of mania and depression. Depression seems to get all the hype, all the attention. And mania sits in a corner like Baby from Dirty Dancing. But if any of you have seen a loved one (or you yourself) have experienced a manic episode, then you know mania is not some passive, quiet,...
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