Category: Bipolar Disorder
I am one of those people who feels the need to make a difference. I hate to stand by and see others suffer. So it’s no surprise that I tend to be drawn to the kind of jobs known as “the helping professions.” Over the last 15 years, as well as...
In the words of Sheryl Crow, I can’t cry anymore. At least, not for now. Please. I’m exhausted. Crying is draining, although it feels strangely good at the same time. Some of it has to do with “being a girl,” but more of it has to do with other stuff – medication...
Well, first, I’d like to give a shout-out to Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara. I spent a better part of today crying, and no smudging, no running, nothing! So that was a bright, shiny, silver lining. Other than that…well, one silver lining per day is better than nothing,...
Well, first, I’d like to give a shout-out to Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara. I spent a better part of today crying, and no smudging, no running, nothing! So that was a bright, shiny, silver lining. Other than that…well, one silver lining per day is better than nothing,...
Patience means…Not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waitingI read this recently…and here are some thoughts I have on what I am waiting for…I read this recently…and here are some thoughts I have on what I am...
Everyone dreams right? We all have wishes of what could be or what we’d like or even whom. However, dreaming when we should be sleeping is something different. And for those of us with Bipolar Disorder, dreaming can become a minefield we maneuver in our sleeping...
A few nights ago my wife and I were talking, as we have a want to do. It’s very rare that we will sit and watch TV together; we prefer to talk… and laugh. Anyway, as part of this conversation my wife asked, ‘Do you know what you bring to my life?’‘Trouble’ I...
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder roughly twelve years ago. I wasn’t remotely surprised when the kindly psychiatrist told me, as I already had a good grasp of psychiatry and I had had a good idea of what was wrong with me since adolescence, I say wrong in...
Can I tell you a secret?Do you promise that you will not tell?I don’t want to be stable!Depression has been following me around for a while now, following, lurking and scurrying behind me like a sewer rat, waiting until my defences are weakened, my fortress is...
There she was, gathering her sheep. Five, Ten, Fifty … oh why not make it 100 sheep. No need to be lazy! Suddenly a few sheep began wandering off. The little girl stared at the remaining 93 sheep and thought to herself, “It’s only a few sheep; no one will notice I...
Barrel: OK, who’s next?Me: Me, me, me!Barrel: OK, get on in.Me: Oh goodie. Lucky me, I thought I’d have to wait awhile to take another ride.Barrel: Oh no. You’ve got an e-ticket. You can keep going and going and going…February started with a...
Laid in a hospital bed with a foreboding sense of unreality is where I found myself four years ago on this particular Thursday in March. I hadn’t yet been taken onto a ward and was in a small side room in A & E. It was surprisingly quiet given that it was a busy...
Last week, The Institute of Mental Health in singapore started a campaign called Burst The Silence – to encourage people to talk about mental illness.It made me think of when and why we choose to share our stories, those of us who have been touched by...
Getting any psychiatric diagnosis inevitably leads to a lot of questions. Once someone has been given a clinical label, it’s not surprising that they begin to wonder: why do I have this disorder? What’s the prognosis? What are the treatment options? What will my...
I am scared. Truly, I am frightened by the thought of my disease. At times it completely surrounds every part of my being. The depths of my heart scream out for help, just looking for the right moment to let go. I am wondering if this will ever go away. Do I...
I’m writing from deep inside the rabbit hole. It’s truly a miracle that I’m even writing this, but I have something I really need to say.Here goes.I had a humongous Ganglion Cyst (I know, right? ewww) removed from my wrist a week ago. No biggie, right? I went under...
Although neither end of the bipolar spectrum is ultimately, particularly pleasant – especially for a loved one of a bipolar sufferer – if you were to ask my wife Julie which, if she had to choose, would she prefer to deal with she would un-equivocally state...
Dedicated to the winters of my soul – because hibernation is as much a part of life as hyper-nation :)I used to fear the crashNow I know it can be more like a deeper diveSee different thingsOr see things differentlyFeel differentlyOr feel nothing at allJust...
To be clear, I dont agree with the victim mentality and its not my standard default. When I blame others for my troubles, Im not taking responsibility for my life and my choices. I always look for my part in any negative, or what I perceive as a negative,...
How do you deal when you go from being so completely stable and feeling better than you have in years, to hitting rock bottom with your whole world crumbling around you, walking in the door to work and handing them the note from your doctor instructing them to put you...
Ive been a little hypomanic again lately. It started, as it usually does, with a reduced need for sleep even continuing to take my usual doses of lithium and quetiapine (Seroquel) I began to have difficulty drifting off, and started to find myself wide awake hours...
Until my father returned to school to finish his education for the ministry,I lived in the distant rural, from which I learned many lessons of living. Theselessons came easily to a sensitive mind, the point I wish to discuss as an earlymemory of knowing I was...
There is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder or specifically a symptom sometimes synonymous with Mania that many suffer from, a challenging, difficult and perhaps embarrassing symptom that often does not get the recognition or attention it deserves. Sometimes we ourselves...
People used to just say I was weird or eclectic or something like that. No one had a clue what was going on, including myself. I was probably the least aware of what was going on in my head or in the real world. What is the real world anyway? Is my perception of...
Four newly decorated walls and a grey floor. A bed with the headboard central to one wall upon which I sit. Next to me is a bedside cabinet with a book on it. To my left is a window. In the corner opposite me to my left is a wardrobe with a few of my clothes in and...
I called the cops on a distant relative once, after he told his mother and sister that he had nothing to live for, that he felt close to no one and that going to the desert to ride his ATV held no pleasure anymore. He went to the door, telling them they may never see...
Recently I discovered that the medication I’ve been on since 2008 (Epilim) causes a side effect (cysts in ovary) that is somewhat worrisome given the results of a recent health screening (I have a few cysts that are a few cms in size) and my maternal family...
This year, Christmas is going to be a low key affair. My children will be spending it with their dad (by tradition, we take turns). My step-daughters are both at overseas universities, and have decided that with Christmas holidays short and air fares high, they will...
The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the...
The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the...
Not on the level of schizophrenia or DID by any means. He’s not hearing voices and it’s still him when these things happen but it’s not really “him.” It’s almost like there are 2 versions of my son. That may be the whole point of...
Mania is the key defining characteristic of Bipolar Disorder that makes it so very special and unique from all the other disorders out there, so its not shocking that I get asked to describe what it feels like quite often. Just the other day a well-meaning...
Compliments … words most people adore. Words that make people blush. Words that make people feel good about themselves. Compliments are confidence boosters … mood lifters … reminders that we are awesome. Who wouldn’t want a compliment from time to time?Well, I’ll tell...
A couple of weeks ago, I had an initial assessment with a psychologist from my Community Mental Health Team. The purpose of the session was to look at how talking therapies might be of benefit to me in helping me manage my bipolar disorder. We started by talking...
On March 5, 2005, I was diagnosed with Bipolar and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by a staff psychiatrist in my first, and what I hope will be my last, mental hospital. This diagnosis was the beginning of my real life, a life of freedom I never knew existed. Of...
I always knew that there was something different about me, though for many years I wasnt quite sure what it actually was. I knew the difference was to with my Brain, my faithful grey matter that appeared to operate at a different level to other people and in a...
My name is Sarah and I am a Holiday-holic.Yes, I love the holidays. In fact, I probably love them too much. I am so emotionally over-invested that I sometimes get overwhelmed, creating a horrible disconnect between the fantasy and the reality.The truth is that I...
I have spent a lot of time talking about Bipolar Disorder and what it means to me and my son. I get asked a lot how he’s doing or how his day was and my answer is usually never the same thing twice. It’s hard to explain to people who aren’t around...
When is a good time for my friends to ask about how I’m doing with my meds? Or whether I’ve been taking them constantly?I asked myself these questions recently because my colleagues know about my condition and they often ask me about my meds. While I...
Recently I have been watching a series of television programmes by Derren Brown on Channel 4 in the UK called ‘The Experiments’. Each episode has explored a facet of human nature: the first asked whether it was possible to hypnotise an individual into assassinating a...
For Amy and other women who carry chaos.If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.-Zora Neale Hurstonthis flame and flickerwas not meant to last this longwe were not meant to chase the sun this oftenuncertain, as we are, that the days...
I write a lot about Hollywood. Why? Well, I think it’s because I love t.v. shows and movies, or maybe because I have friends and relatives living in L.A. and work in the entertainment industry. Or maybe it started because as a baby, I was exposed to movie...
I used to call it a curse and I hated myself for it. Having bipolar used to give me shame and stigma. However, what I didn’t know is that it would transform my life into abundance, strength and hope. I was only eighteen years old when I got diagnosed. That was...
As someone with a bipolar diagnosis, I do feel very deeply and I used to wonder if that was the problem. I realize that it’s okay to feel deeply and even to show the emotions (I mean, Jesus knew he was going to call Lazarus out from the tomb, but He still let...
I’ve always loved fairytales. I was lucky that my parents supplied me with a lot of books when I was growing up. I had volumes of the classic stories collected by the Brothers’ Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson, but I was also given stories of Tzar’s palaces and...
I expect certain things from my psychiatrist. When I write my psychiatrist, I refer to the fact that I have paid for the services of a psychiatrist in private practice, and feel that I have purchased certain aspects of what is hopefully high quality health care....
Jake just turned 12. He lives with me full time and spends time with his dad on the weekends and most holidays. He was a very happy and easy baby and hit all of his developmental milestones early or on time. During his toddler years, we hit the terrible 2’s and...
I destroyed my first marriage through infidelity, wild spending sprees, outbursts of rage, and many of the other hallmarks of uncontrolled bipolar mania. People who know the ugly details of my story are often surprised to learn that my second marriage is so successful...
Stigma. One very important issue we, as a community, try to battle. It’s the negative assumptions associated with bipolar and those who have been diagnosed with the illness. I personally have experienced instances where certain assumptions were made about me...
I hear about this so much, people hate the weight gain side effects of medication. I will be honest with you, I hate it too. However, I have learned the hard way. The most impulsive and manic thing I have ever done is get liposuction after gaining 36lbs from...
