I hate everything about mornings. Especially the waking up part. Also not a fan of birds chirping. Or sunshine. I’m not sure why I’m this way. I just tend to perk up at night, say around 7 p.m. That’s when I usually get a burst of energy and the desire to do...
I went to my psychiatrist Friday for a follow-up from my initial visit a month ago. I’d had high hopes with the Wellbutrin/anxiety pill prescription combo. I felt better…happy…for a couple weeks. Then, depression set in. Like the can’t-get-out-of-bed variety. It...
“I’d rather been skinny and crazy than fat and sane.”And that is no joke. We talk about side effects of our medications but what about the side effects we get from the side effects of your medication. I’m talking about fat. Yup. A woman’s favorite word to hate:F A...
Idk why, but I’m feeling the need to out myself & what better place than fb? I’m bipolar 1 & am having postpartum MANIA. I was so scared of ppd that I never even thought of this side. I’m in solution – my team is observing me – I...
On April 14th 2011, Catherine Zeta Jones came out to the world thatshe suffered from Bipolar II Disorder. Merely a year later, on June15, 2012, Jones made an appearance on ABC’s The View and Joy Beharinquired about her experience of Bipolar Disorder. Zeta...
Insomnia….oh that blasted, dreaded word but there you have it what’s keeping others, like me, awake at night. So what is insomnia, what does it mean exactly? In layman’s terms…. You can’t sleep. More officially it means….the difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep,...
I saw a new psychiatrist recently. He is wonderful. Also, I’ve been officially diagnosed as bipolar II. I suspected as much, but never had specific confirmation. I’ve been feeling much better on my new medication, so I have hope. There are still a few side effects,...
I was the first of my friends to decide to start a family. I was only 22, and most people in my social circle were a long way from settling down, let alone having a baby. They tried to be supportive during the pregnancy and in the early days of parenthood, but I could...
I have horrible taste in men, and it’s really getting old. I’m not gonna lie. I spent most of my twenties in a sudo manic high so lost a lot of years trying to find true love. I managed to scare off most of the men in New York and Los Angeles with my intensity which...
Are side effects getting you down? Almost every medication out there comes with some sort of side effect. As people with mental illness we take our share of medication on a routine basis so we are very well aware of all the different changes that can occur. With each...
They’re the new catch phrases, book titles, songs … They’re intriguing and explain so much with so little.Things like, “Hot Mess” or “Beautiful Disaster.” They’re contradictory yet perfectly possible in every way.Right?Can one be a “Hot Mess?”I guess so.It’s sticking...
‘People are strange, when you’re a stranger.Faces look ugly, when you’re alone…’So sang Jim Morrison in 1967 in his song about drug abuse and paranoia. Now, although the song is about paranoia and I have suffered seriously with it eight years ago that is not...
To Be or Not To Be….THAT is the Question…….This year, I had several friends celebrating Mother’s Day for the very first time with their newborns. I was so happy and excited for them; starting a family and moving into the next phase of their...
What a great idea, I thought. Id write a blog for Mental Health week and especially for Mental Health blogging day, May 16, 2012.Then, I considered what Id blog about. There are so many topics out there to learn more about and to give information.However, I...
Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder (I really hate the name) has caused me to have an identity crisis. How much of this is the disorder, and how much of it is just me, my personality? How do I know the difference? Some of the side effects could just be personality...
They come in threes.1. I spun out over Time Magazine’s controversial article Are You Mom Enough? extolling the virtues of attachment parenting, AKA, baby-centered parenting, which includes breastfeeding well into toddler years, co-sleeping and a strong distain for...
I would like to say how happy I am to be blogging at the International Bipolar Foundation! Happy is a very interesting word because it indicates that you’re in a good place…The International Bipolar Foundation IS such A GOOD place. Especially if you deal...
I am one of those people who feels the need to make a difference. I hate to stand by and see others suffer. So it’s no surprise that I tend to be drawn to the kind of jobs known as “the helping professions.” Over the last 15 years, as well as...
In the words of Sheryl Crow, I can’t cry anymore. At least, not for now. Please. I’m exhausted. Crying is draining, although it feels strangely good at the same time. Some of it has to do with “being a girl,” but more of it has to do with other stuff – medication...
Well, first, I’d like to give a shout-out to Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara. I spent a better part of today crying, and no smudging, no running, nothing! So that was a bright, shiny, silver lining. Other than that…well, one silver lining per day is better than nothing,...
Well, first, I’d like to give a shout-out to Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara. I spent a better part of today crying, and no smudging, no running, nothing! So that was a bright, shiny, silver lining. Other than that…well, one silver lining per day is better than nothing,...
Patience means…Not the ability to wait but the ability to keep a good attitude while waitingI read this recently…and here are some thoughts I have on what I am waiting for…I read this recently…and here are some thoughts I have on what I am...
Everyone dreams right? We all have wishes of what could be or what we’d like or even whom. However, dreaming when we should be sleeping is something different. And for those of us with Bipolar Disorder, dreaming can become a minefield we maneuver in our sleeping...
A few nights ago my wife and I were talking, as we have a want to do. It’s very rare that we will sit and watch TV together; we prefer to talk… and laugh. Anyway, as part of this conversation my wife asked, ‘Do you know what you bring to my life?’‘Trouble’ I...
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder roughly twelve years ago. I wasn’t remotely surprised when the kindly psychiatrist told me, as I already had a good grasp of psychiatry and I had had a good idea of what was wrong with me since adolescence, I say wrong in...
Can I tell you a secret?Do you promise that you will not tell?I don’t want to be stable!Depression has been following me around for a while now, following, lurking and scurrying behind me like a sewer rat, waiting until my defences are weakened, my fortress is...
There she was, gathering her sheep. Five, Ten, Fifty … oh why not make it 100 sheep. No need to be lazy! Suddenly a few sheep began wandering off. The little girl stared at the remaining 93 sheep and thought to herself, “It’s only a few sheep; no one will notice I...
Barrel: OK, who’s next?Me: Me, me, me!Barrel: OK, get on in.Me: Oh goodie. Lucky me, I thought I’d have to wait awhile to take another ride.Barrel: Oh no. You’ve got an e-ticket. You can keep going and going and going…February started with a...
Laid in a hospital bed with a foreboding sense of unreality is where I found myself four years ago on this particular Thursday in March. I hadn’t yet been taken onto a ward and was in a small side room in A & E. It was surprisingly quiet given that it was a busy...
Last week, The Institute of Mental Health in singapore started a campaign called Burst The Silence – to encourage people to talk about mental illness.It made me think of when and why we choose to share our stories, those of us who have been touched by...
Getting any psychiatric diagnosis inevitably leads to a lot of questions. Once someone has been given a clinical label, it’s not surprising that they begin to wonder: why do I have this disorder? What’s the prognosis? What are the treatment options? What will my...
I am scared. Truly, I am frightened by the thought of my disease. At times it completely surrounds every part of my being. The depths of my heart scream out for help, just looking for the right moment to let go. I am wondering if this will ever go away. Do I...
I’m writing from deep inside the rabbit hole. It’s truly a miracle that I’m even writing this, but I have something I really need to say.Here goes.I had a humongous Ganglion Cyst (I know, right? ewww) removed from my wrist a week ago. No biggie, right? I went under...
Although neither end of the bipolar spectrum is ultimately, particularly pleasant – especially for a loved one of a bipolar sufferer – if you were to ask my wife Julie which, if she had to choose, would she prefer to deal with she would un-equivocally state...
Dedicated to the winters of my soul – because hibernation is as much a part of life as hyper-nation :)I used to fear the crashNow I know it can be more like a deeper diveSee different thingsOr see things differentlyFeel differentlyOr feel nothing at allJust...
To be clear, I dont agree with the victim mentality and its not my standard default. When I blame others for my troubles, Im not taking responsibility for my life and my choices. I always look for my part in any negative, or what I perceive as a negative,...
How do you deal when you go from being so completely stable and feeling better than you have in years, to hitting rock bottom with your whole world crumbling around you, walking in the door to work and handing them the note from your doctor instructing them to put you...
Ive been a little hypomanic again lately. It started, as it usually does, with a reduced need for sleep even continuing to take my usual doses of lithium and quetiapine (Seroquel) I began to have difficulty drifting off, and started to find myself wide awake hours...
Until my father returned to school to finish his education for the ministry,I lived in the distant rural, from which I learned many lessons of living. Theselessons came easily to a sensitive mind, the point I wish to discuss as an earlymemory of knowing I was...
There is a symptom of Bipolar Disorder or specifically a symptom sometimes synonymous with Mania that many suffer from, a challenging, difficult and perhaps embarrassing symptom that often does not get the recognition or attention it deserves. Sometimes we ourselves...
People used to just say I was weird or eclectic or something like that. No one had a clue what was going on, including myself. I was probably the least aware of what was going on in my head or in the real world. What is the real world anyway? Is my perception of...
Four newly decorated walls and a grey floor. A bed with the headboard central to one wall upon which I sit. Next to me is a bedside cabinet with a book on it. To my left is a window. In the corner opposite me to my left is a wardrobe with a few of my clothes in and...
I called the cops on a distant relative once, after he told his mother and sister that he had nothing to live for, that he felt close to no one and that going to the desert to ride his ATV held no pleasure anymore. He went to the door, telling them they may never see...
Recently I discovered that the medication I’ve been on since 2008 (Epilim) causes a side effect (cysts in ovary) that is somewhat worrisome given the results of a recent health screening (I have a few cysts that are a few cms in size) and my maternal family...
This year, Christmas is going to be a low key affair. My children will be spending it with their dad (by tradition, we take turns). My step-daughters are both at overseas universities, and have decided that with Christmas holidays short and air fares high, they will...
The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the...
The impending doom is upon me! I thought that perhaps he had forgotten about me, lost the mysterious, but essential keys to my Soul – whilst in his stupor, the jangling of metal against the greasy drain, its sound unwelcome to my ears, as he staggers about the...
Not on the level of schizophrenia or DID by any means. He’s not hearing voices and it’s still him when these things happen but it’s not really “him.” It’s almost like there are 2 versions of my son. That may be the whole point of...
Mania is the key defining characteristic of Bipolar Disorder that makes it so very special and unique from all the other disorders out there, so its not shocking that I get asked to describe what it feels like quite often. Just the other day a well-meaning...
Compliments … words most people adore. Words that make people blush. Words that make people feel good about themselves. Compliments are confidence boosters … mood lifters … reminders that we are awesome. Who wouldn’t want a compliment from time to time?Well, I’ll tell...
Paul English Talks!
Hear his powerful story of co-founding 6 start-ups and founding 4 non-profits including the Bipolar Social Club!
