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Good afternoon readers, I need to write about an issue that’s growing by epic proportions and it hits close to home for me on a personal level, dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. I am not a clinical psychologist. However, I have experienced firsthand the pain of depression and fighting those thoughts. Have you ever felt like you...
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70,000 Thoughts Per Day

July 24, 2015
I’ve read in many places that the average person has around 70,000 thoughts per day. You may have already heard this. That is a huge number! Seventy thousand. It’s also been said that the typical person has more negative than positive thoughts.  And for those of us diagnosed with bipolar disorder, there is a good chance that we may be...
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Several posts ago I wrote about my experience with psychotic mania (‘My Manic Summer’) and now I want to write about when I was psychotically depressed. I said in ‘My Manic Summer’ that I have only experienced psychosis once and that was when I was manic, but I was wrong. Recently my counsellor told me that during the winter of 2014 I had become...
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The Perfect Storm

July 22, 2015
I’m writing this three days fresh out of an acute treatment unit. It’s a locked facility similar to a mental hospital, but smaller. It’s not the first time I’ve voluntarily admitted myself to this unit due to extreme symptoms and personal safety issues, but it’s been at least two years since my last visit. Finding a workable med...
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Though problematic or compulsive internet use has been debated as far as validity and scope, it is not currently recognized as a psychiatric disorder.  However, a cautionary word from my Mom: “Anything in excess is a problem. Everything in moderation!” With that disclaimer in place, let me welcome you to my world of social media and internet...
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Beauty Can Emerge

July 20, 2015
The other day I noticed that a plant in my cactus garden began to grow something that looked like horns and then like green candy canes!  At first I thought I should pluck them out because they were weird looking.  I asked a friend what she thought I should do.  She said that maybe that was my plant’s way of flowering. Within a week...
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When you’ve been newly diagnosed with bipolar, your world can get turned upside down. I know that mine did. A lot of people, myself included, just want things to go back to normal and get back to being a productive member of society. Understandable. But how do you reenter the workforce? Here are some ideas. 1. Don’t rush it! I should have...
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Bipolar is such a tough disease to live with, day in and day out. Never knowing when or where your moods will change. Yet what I always found even more challenging is when I did not know what my triggers were and what to do when they came at me from all directions. I want to share with you some of my own experiences through the years, of how...
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When I think about involuntary hospitalization, I feel vaguely violated. It was sudden, and it wasn’t my choice. I was deceived before the police showed up and slapped on the handcuffs.  It was personal and not. It hurt, bewildered and shocked me. Terrifying? For sure. Transformative? You tell me. Due to a devastating divorce, I was...
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So, as you know if you read my other blog, I am triggered very harshly by the sounds of chewing (even if it's quiet)! My fiancé and I turn on the television when we eat together to drown out the chewing noises so I don't become manic. Today, the TV paused because the signal was lost. She stopped eating. I feel really bad every time she...
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Creativity

June 23, 2015
I sometimes wonder how and why many people who have bipolar disorder feel and become creative. I know, for example, when I am in mania I become far more into writing, descriptions, and reading book after book. I crave to live outside my life most of the time, but especially in mania. Let me back up a notch and define what exactly I mean by...
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Life is a Puzzle

June 12, 2015
After six days in the psychiatric hospital, I was taken to the intensive care unit because I had thought of a way I could kill myself in the hospital.  There wasn’t much freedom in the regular unit, but there was even less in ICU.  We were only allowed outside into a small yard once every couple of hours so those who smoked could have a...
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