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Melancholy It’s winter.I knew you’d be knocking at my door soon.Your familiar spirit--always unwelcomed--but persistent. She asked me “What are you depressed about?”I wanted to shout “About the serotonin depletion,The change in weather that makes my synapses misfire,My unrelenting neurochemistry is why!” But, instead, I cite the job...
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('Changes' song lyric sample from David Bowie, album "Hunky Dory" 1971)When the seasons change, I often have a bipolar relapse, one that starts small, like a snowball, gathering speed and size as it rolls down the hill, exploding on the impact of hitting bottom! Boom! On September 24 this fall I had to admit, as anhedonia and thoughts of throwing...
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I recently watched a documentary called “Titanic’s Final Mystery.” It put forth a new theory that, due to unusual weather conditions on the night of the Titanic tragedy, there was a mirage that prevented the ship’s lookouts from seeing the infamous iceberg. It’s an interesting theory, though there’s debate as to whether it’s true. But the bottom...
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In the beginning I thought that it would kill me, my personality, and my future. But after a few weeks I’m hugely grateful for this experience. I got there because I wanted to attempt suicide. I’ve had a few suicide attempts before but this one was extremely dangerous and real. And so sudden and unexpected. So when my feet touched the ground...
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Yoga is more than what you want your body to look like. What do you want your life to look like? The core philosophy of Yoga - not just seeking fulfillment in the material world while still living in it - offers a structure of restrictions and observances to favor which can lead to a sense of “true fulfillment,” especially to lovers of and...
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Out in the Milkweed

January 28, 2015
I wrote this piece to express how I've felt stigmatized by those who haven't gotten past how I've been doing better with bipolar one.  While it's obvious in this piece that I am angry, I believe there is hope for healing for us all."Out in the Milkweed”In some disturbing way that you would never openly admit You want me to remain Mentally ill...
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My Biggest Competitor

January 28, 2015
It’s no secret that I have struggled with bipolar disorder for several years. What may be less known is that I have also fought hard to overcome numerous setbacks and personal losses as a result of my illness. I don’t like that I have had to deal with an illness as cruel as bipolar disorder can be, but the more I focus on how unfair it is the less...
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I didn’t realize it, but I have been on a quest for the past 20 years. At first, it felt like I was just trying to figure myself out. I wasn’t happy with my life as it was laid out for me. So like many people in their late teens and early twenties, I bounced around from place to place, trying on different “personality outfits” to see which...
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Bipolar Mother, Bipolar Son

January 15, 2015
I dreamed of having a child throughout my formative years.  When asked what I would be when I grew up, I readily answered “A Mommy!”  I doted on baby dolls, babysat throughout my teen years and dressed every cat we ever owned up as a baby.  I deeply wanted to know the connection, but had problems with my reproductive system,...
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Who Am I?

January 14, 2015
I sat in a chair at a psychiatrist’s office and am asked questions that provoke me to describe both my depressive and hypomanic states. It was painful yet enlightening. When I am depressed I am stupid, lazy and useless. When I am depressed I am weak, unlovable and a waste of skin.When I am depressed I am paranoid, reactive and...
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Around Christmas I got into an argument with my ex-husband, no big surprise there.  Communication has never been our strongest asset.  Anyway during the argument he said some things that really upset me and have really stayed with me.  He said, “Quit playing the victim and living off the system all the time and quit teaching your...
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Not Backing Down

January 13, 2015
The views expressed in this blog are the personal opinions of the author. Blogs are written based on the author’s personal experience and may differ for other individuals. I wrote an article on this before but it's so important to me I need to speak up about it again. The same article managed to make its way back on my Facebook feed and I am...
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