I have recently experienced a mental health burnout. Normally, when I say that I mean Im tired of dealing with my own mental health, but not this time. This time I am just jaded regarding the blogging I do. Just over two years ago I went public with my condition on...
When I first started writing for International Bipolar Foundation, it was a coming out of sorts about my mental illness. I was open about it with the people in my life, on social media and on my own blog, but it wasn’t until I started writing for IBPF that, if you...
If you walked into my house right now, this is what you would see: dishes piling up, laundry in piles waiting to be folded, a dirty floor and me in bed. Its happening again. Im having another manic episode. This one, though, is different. Maybe its the empty house...
I always enjoy reading articles about what not to say and what to say to someone with a mental illness. I read them and nod my head in agreement, as I can relate all too well. There are sayings or comments that may seem helpful, but aren’t in reality because...
Have you ever been so afraid of tripping that you couldn’t take a flight of stairs, even though something like that would never happen? This is the stage setting for my anxiety disorder. I have written about my bipolar disorder a lot of times, but my anxiety...
Approximately three years ago I started noticing that something wasn’t quite right. At first it was little things, like putting my glasses in a desk drawer instead of on my nightstand like I normally would. That was just the beginning. It progressed rapidly. Within...
I have been dealing with social anxiety since around the time I was diagnosed with Bipolar. That’s 8 long years dealing with both Bipolar and social anxiety. I used to keep myself at arms-length from people for fear of being rejected, since my social anxiety causes...
One of my favorite movies is Silver Linings Playbook. It is the first mainstream movie I’ve ever seen that accurately depicts the specific symptoms that each character has. It goes into great detail about delusions, manic episodes, depression and all around bipolar...
Some days, I want to get off the ride. Some days, I just want to be “normal.” I don’t want to deal with unpleasant side effects of medications. I don’t want to endure my lows or spiral out of control during my highs. I don’t want to be crazy. I don’t want to fall...
Suicide is a permanent solution to what, with the proper help, could be a short-term situation. It needn’t be permanent. Seek the help and support you need. When I attempted suicide, I caught my support system off guard, including my doctors and psychiatric...
Hey guys! If you havent noticed, this is excitingly my first blog post for IBPF. I just thought that maybe before jumping into all the big issues, you might want to know a little about me and my relations with bipolar disorder. And I totally understand! Whenever I...
I can hardly believe that it has been 10 years since I received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I wish I could go back and tell my terrified teenage self that though life would sometimes be a roller coaster of ups and downs, a very bright future full of hope and joy...
Coping with the side effects of bipolar is often a matter of trial and error. What works one day, sometimes doesn’t work the next. That’s why I’m always on the lookout for ways to get through the day that can connect me with the world while also...
This article is available in English here. Ginagawa mo namang malaking bagay yang sakit mo sa utak! Puro yang sakit mo na lang lagi sinasabi mo. Masyado mong ginagawang glamoroso! Hindi mo naman kailangan ng gamot eh. Nasa utak mo lang yan! Maging postibo ka...
Above: mixed media on canvas by Zaeli Eliza You’re making mental illness as if it’s a big deal! You talk too much about it. You’re glamorizing your illness! You don’t need medication. It’s all in your head. Think positive. Toughen...
Managing emotions is something that comes along with many mental health diagnoses, especially bipolar disorder. Its always one emotion or another and every one of them is usually to the extreme. Some of the emotions I deal with include anger, depression,...
Here’s a post I didn’t think I’d ever write! I have been on what is considered to be the best mood stabilizer for over a year, and my mood symptoms have been totally under control. No ups, no downs. I have also been taken off the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor...
July 24 is International Self-Care Day. On behalf of International Bipolar Foundation, I asked my friend, Mike, a fitness enthusiast, yogi, plant-based eater and animal lover, to share the benefits of practicing self-care. As a person who lives with bipolar and...
“This drawing is called ‘The Soup in My Head’ and was drawn by my friend Julia. We were having coffee time together and I shared with her my fear of planning something ahead as I often have fozzy, foggy mood, and moodswings, although I take lithium...
I lived in Northwest Arkansas for several years. My little town was just across the Oklahoma state line and the Cherokee Nation, which is the federally-recognized government of the Cherokee people. We often traveled to Tulsa for shopping and entertainment along the...
Above: The Revs. Aaron Maurice Saari and John Freeman being interviewed on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in front of First Presbyterian Church of Yellow Springs. My friends are going to laugh that I have the chutzpah to write an essay on self-care. You see, I am...
We have seen a lot of movies that put the spotlight on mental illness. Movies like “Girl, Interrupted,” “Prozac Nation,” “Rain man,” and very recently “Silver Linings Playbook” and “Infinite Polar Bear,” to...
Addiction is a disease. It can turn someone strong into a powerless human being. It can make someone a prisoner in their own body. “My name is Laura and I am an addict.” That sentence took me three years to say out loud. I always will be an addict, but I...
Medications can be an excellent form of treatment for bipolar disorder. There are multiple forms of medications including anti-psychotics, anti-depressants, mood stabilizers and anti-anxiety. For me, the most difficult aspect of taking medications is waiting for them...
Dear Bipolar, You have been my closest companion over the years. You found me in high school and refused to leave my side. You convinced everyone that I was always low and moody, making me lose friends in the process. You convinced me that I was less of a person...
Since learning I have bipolar disorder, I have come to the reluctant realization that progress doesnt always occur on my timetable. In my mind, I can see how things will be when Im all better, but every time I race towards recovery, I inevitably stumble. Its like...
Im not who I say I am. Thats because my family would prefer I not use my given name. Many of them dont believe in bipolar disorder. They think my difficulties were created by using street stimulants during my halcyon Hollywood years, struggling to stay slender for...
This is the fourth in a series of 26 posts covering a variety of stress management tools and techniques, starting with the letter A. For some background information on stress and bipolar disorder, the blogger recommends reading her three-part series, “Getting a Handle...
Depression can swiftly overtake you like the tide rolling in, its current pulling you out to sea. It is like drowning, like suffocating beneath the surface as the world goes on above you. The water muffles sound and slows your movements. There is only darkness below,...
I was driving much too fast. I didnt see the stop sign. I sailed right through. The stereo was pumping and my hands gripped the wheel. My foot was pushing harder on the accelerator. I came up to a second stop sign and again I saw nothing. I pushed on the pedal to go...
I hate coincidences. Ever since I’ve recovered from my bipolar psychosis, I’ve had to be wary of coincidences. Psychosis is a very difficult thing to deal with and understand. I’m going to attempt to delve into this very taboo subject because I want people to know...
For many months, I have been suffering from suicidal ideations. I was completely honest with my psychiatrist, my family and friends who support me. I told them that it was not something I wanted to act on, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind. For more than...
There’s a reason many of us have trouble sharing our personal battles with mental illness. The reason is the label our society has put on mental health; that anyone who visits a mental health specialist is crazy,” or insane.” Mental illness is...
After 11 years of suffering quietly, I resolved to speak out about something most of us decide is a secret to take to their early graves. For years, decades, lifetimes of silence makes the thing nonexistent to the world. The only reason for this silence is the fear of...
Two years ago there was one thing above all in the mental health world that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and it was electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Not the thought of the procedure itself, but the side effects. As a nursing student, I did a...
This article is available in English here. Sa kabila ng ilang mga kapansanan sa pag-iisip na tinataglay ko at kasalukuyang nag-gagamot para sa mga ito, masasabi kong hindi talaga ako pala-halubilo sa tao. Mas madalas na gusto kong mapag-isa. Kahit na ganito, hindi ko...
Apart from the mental conditions I was diagnosed with and am being treated for, I am a recluse and an introvert by nature. Even so, neither of those make me remorseful nor ashamed. I admit though, whenever I am comme ci, comme ça,” I still do try to be a...
I want a divorce. The sentence I was afraid of was coming finally came from his mouth. It felt like a ton of bricks and an ache in my stomach. I felt like I was in a movie where the camera zooms out and shows you like an ant. Shortly after he moved out, I overdosed...
Dear Dad, On your birthday, and on every day, you should know how appreciated and loved you are. I am your daughter that was shy, was afraid of strangers, had separation anxiety from Mom (from what I hear), and was afraid of my own shadow. I played it safe and...
Dear Friend (On Your Birthday), We met almost 17 years ago, we dated in Grade 10, we had fun while it lasted (all of 6 or 7 months), and went through the awkward phase were we couldnt be friends because exes werent friends in high school. But, that didnt...
A good support system can mean the difference between living a possibly comfortable life and suffering alone without help. We who suffer know that support is important, but so many people just don’t have access to acceptable support or even a partial support...
Have you ever cheated on your best friend? Have you ever betrayed the trust of someone you cared about more deeply than yourself? How did it feel? For me, it felt like my entire world collapsed around me. My husband my best friend no longer trusts me. I broke my...
This year my psychiatrist changed my initial diagnosis of severe depression to Bipolar II Disorder. For a moment I felt like my world had stopped spinning. I felt lost and betrayed because I did not know what this new diagnosis meant for me. For days I lived in denial...
Until I was 16, I thought that my uncle had died of cancer rather than suicide. There was always a dark joke in the family that we have a history of mental illness in our lineage. There is the distant cousin who lived in a tiger cage because, well, he thought he was a...
Your buttocks are cold and aching because youve been pressing them for too long against those filthy concrete steps on the hallway, in front of the elevator. There are cigarette stumps and ashes all over the place, but that does not bother you in the least. Youre...
I recently planned my Drug Treatment Court Graduation. In July I will successfully graduate; the courtroom will be full of my guests and other participants. Each member of the seven panel treatment team including the judge will take time to give me accolades,...
In December 2012, after a tragic school shooting in Newtown, I thought I was the only mother in America who asked myself, What if thats my son someday? It turns out I was far from alone. Every single day since I shared my familys struggle in a blog post, I Am...
Memories are maybe our most precious commodity. And I mean that they are a one-time deal; once we lose them we cannot get them back. That is the worst part about memories. But they also ground us, they give us direction by showing us where we have been, they allow us...
No one ever sat me down and told me I had bipolar disorder. I can only imagine that some people indeed have this sort of experience. A person might see a clinician, tell them what’s wrong, answer some questions, and maybe fill out a test before learning they have a...
This was written during a manic episode when the author was experiencing psychosis and was hospitalized. It contains adult language which may be triggering to some readers. I awaken. I hear hospital noises. I feel aloof but in control. Why am I here? What is my...
