I do sometimes wonder whether to share my emotions with my partner. On the one hand, he wants to know my thoughts and feelings – there would be no real intimacy in a relationship if we didn’t share on a deeper level. On the other hand, being open does put me in a...
When I think of myself 10 years ago, I am embarrassed and quite frankly shocked at how judgmental I was towards others who were different than me. Ten years ago my mood fluctuations became unmanageable and anxiety and depression left me paralyzed. I resisted as long...
Over the years of dealing with bipolar, I’ve had to learn a lot on how to manage this disease and not let it get the best of me. Stress in life is evitable; those who work face it from their bosses. We face it from our families, balancing the many responsibilities we...
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder over ten years ago. At the time, I wasn’t aware of any genetic component as I was an adopted child. Within my adopted family, there was a high incidence of alcoholism on my maternal mothers side, with most of her siblings having...
I was 19 when I first heard the suggestion that I was bipolar. For me, this was a liberating announcement and not a scary one. Here was an explanation for what was happening to me. The loss of control over my emotions, and progressively my actions, was now explainable...
.and then unexpectedly there’s calm, all I thought I knew about myself and the World becomes the fleeting thoughts of Man under siege from his own mind. The storm has passed for now. I have spent the better part of 3 years researching aspects of my...
I read a study once that stated the incidence of obsessive-compulsive disorder was 10-fold greater in bipolar patients than the general population (see more at: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/bipolar-disorder/anxious-bipolar-patient#sthash.RRY1nBjh.dpuf). This made...
Even before I knew I had bipolar disorder, I have always loved art. I used to spend my afternoons in high school (I was unschooled) wandering around the Carnegie Museum of Art in Pittsburgh, where I grew up. Since moving to Saint Louis for college, I have spent many...
I want to talk to you all about something that I experienced very intensely when I first started taking medication. What happened was I felt a very strong dull feeling inside. I was no longer feeling the lows, but I was also no longer feeling the highs either. So, I...
As a counselor with a background in vocational rehabilitation, Im a big believer in meaningful work for people with mental health disabilities the research shows its an effective path toward recovery, and Ive seen this firsthand over and over. In my last post, I...
I woke up on Thursday, September 4th and the torture struck instantly. My head filled up like a water balloon, except it wasn’t water I was filled with, it was disturbing, bizarre, negative and pesky thoughts. I recognized immediately from waking up I was...
Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder three semesters before you are supposed to graduate with a bachelor in psychology and neuroscience was not written in my life plan. In fact having a mental illness and anything that would stop me from pursuing my dream of becoming...
Act I Inpatient No time passes slower than the minutes that creep into hours during a hospital intake. All the questions! The re-questioning! The inquisition! Where do you fall between 1 and 10? You weigh your answer like a miser weighs...
We thought we were lost to the fire. Leaving behind in the wake of our illness- debris: a tangled mess of lost relationships, hope, and dreams. Then, we began to talk, speaking to each other quietly. Although, they had told us not...
Although I was officially diagnosed in March 2009 with Bipolar I disorder and began treatment, I am confident in saying that my bipolar episodes started well before that time. If I could guess somewhat accurately, I would say it all started somewhere around the...
This is part two of a three part series: Part One: Planning for a Family When You Have BipolarPart Two: From Pregnant to Mommy Part Three: Returning to Work The next thing that troubled me as my pregnancy progressed was how I was going to handle the...
I have loved writing, for as long as I can remember. I have written during many of my happiest moments in my life and of course during some of the toughest times as well. Within just the last couple of weeks, my husband’s and my world turned upside down....
There are many models which have been developed over time to explain illness. Some of these models describe illness as biologically-identified (as pathological). I have recently completed a lengthy dissertation on a description of mental illness known as...
Being in a relationship with someone is both rewarding and frightening. There have been times during my 9-month-old relationship that I wonder how he is able to handle the intensity of my emotions. I remember one night, after we took our night walk, I was sitting...
My name is Nanieve and my journey with Bipolar 1 Disorder started around the age of twelve. I was also diagnosed with PTSD about two years ago. I am unable to look upon it as a curse, preferring to see it as a blessing. My phoenix wings if you like, my manias...
For a number of years I worked in the financial industry and HAD to closely follow the news to be well-informed. Near the end of that time I started taking various self-improvement courses and started having different sessions with various non-traditional...
I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I was feeling really anxious and depressed, so my psychiatrist upped my meds. I then felt worse. Crying every day. Crying for no reason. My parents came over one day while I was crying,...
I’ve turned to writing during many times of bipolar depression. I know that many of you are writers too. We write in blogs and in our journals. We email, take notes for classes, and once in a while, we even handwrite letters the old-fashioned...
What is the one thing that you love? What is the one thing that you hate? ‘Thing’ has so many definitions and in a broad sense covers the spectrum of anything and everything – no matter how minute, ‘it’ holds great significance. There are positives and negatives...
At my last appointment with my psychiatrist, she told me I have too much anxiety about having bipolar disorder. No kidding? I mean what’s there to be anxious about? Being stuck in complete darkness with unspeakable pain that only those who have depression can...
I have had episodes of depression throughout my life and once I was so happy after taking an antidepressant that I danced around my bedroom. I didn’t realize I had a mental illness until I was 45 years old, and I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder until I was...
This month I want to talk to you about something that you’ve probably heard a lot about. It’s about hope. When I was dealing with my undiagnosed bipolar disorder, I constantly felt hopeless. I would lose my temper, promise to do better afterwards, and then...
This post is written from a Christian perpective. I sat there in a beautiful room awaiting the marriage of my cousin’s son and I looked up at the chandelier overhead. It was exquisite in its design and purity. It even had star shapes formed in the middle of...
I’m a psychotherapist who has worked as a vocational rehabilitation counselor – that’s a specialist who helps people with disabilities, including bipolar disorder, find and keep meaningful work. I also have bipolar disorder myself, and have struggled...
What would I say to the younger me about being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety Disorder? This picture was taken 13 years ago. I was 28 and oh so manic, but had no idea. This was pre-diagnosis. I traveled to two continents, several...
I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type II disorder on January 28, 2014 and I want to write my first blog post in this space about some of the things I wish I had known then. Here is what I wish someone would have sat down and told me on that Tuesday morning: It...
In light of Robin Williams passing I decided to focus on this topic. Somebody said to me, “He had everything, why would he want to kill himself”. Depression does not discriminate, whether you’re rich or poor, or have all the family and friends support in the world,...
Its been over eight years since I was first diagnosed with mental illness. I have bipolar disorder type 1 and have been blogging about living with my condition for three years now. As a mental health advocate, people who are in the exact same place I was years ago...
A childhood friend from my old L.A. neighborhood passed away in July, the same way that my sister, D’Arcy, died: by a drug-overdose. Both my sister and Susie experienced untreated bipolar disorder-related addiction. Susie’s affluent, educated Hollywood friends did not...
This is part one of a three part series: Part One: Planning for a Family When You Have BipolarPart Two: From Pregnant to Mommy Part Three: Returning to Work Before I was pregnant someone said to me that I shouldn’t have kids because I have bipolar. This...
Five years and five months ago I heard the word “bipolar” for the very first time. Honestly, I did not know what it meant nor what it would come to mean to me and my life. I learned pretty quickly that it meant I was very sick and that I was...
A few of my friends who know that I have been diagnosed with bipolar have come to ask for advice on how to help someone they know, someone who seems to be going off the rails. Recently an ex-colleague asked about how to engage a friend who has stopped taking his...
I write this entry in my blog with a very heavy heart, as I mourn with the rest of the world over the tragic news of Robin Williams passing. A brilliant man, in every sense of the word, an amazing actor, a Talented Comedian, a man who shared...
I hate myself right now. I hate myself every time I’m depressed. I just started a new medication after gaining 9 pounds in a month on the previous med I tried, so I’m depressed about that on top of having general depression. Since I’m starting over...
Lately I’ve been wondering about friendship, including what I can realistically offer as a friend now. To be honest, I don’t have that much to give this summer. It has only been a year since my last hospitalization for bipolar depression. I’ve...
Last year at this time, I was soaring high with my first full-blown manic episode. I was feeling better than I’ve felt in my entire life. Colors were brighter, music sounded better, and my talents came out like never before. I had recently taken up painting and...
I’d like to discuss, briefly, to what extent neurodiverse conditions affect conceptions of identity. For those of you familiar with the Neurodiversity movement, you’ll be aware of the debate that self-advocacy has stirred in the world of mental...
I’ve had episodes of depression throughout my life, but it was only seventeen years ago that I realized I had a mental illness. Up until that time, I blamed the episodes on circumstances of my life like being away from home my first time, escaping from Vietnam...
I’m here to talk to you about guilt. This is something that I felt for several years after I got help for my disorder. I couldn’t believe the things that I had said and done to both my husband and mother. I was beyond devastated. I was apologizing...
Like many or most of you, I have ideas popping into my head all the time. They range from simple things like sending a text or email to someone to just say hi, all the way to new businesses that I’d love to start up. I also have projects at home that I...
When I was a child, I always imagined myself living in the country when I was an adult. Living off the grid in a small cottage in the woods, completely self-sustainable surrounded by beautiful rolling hills and lush green fields and keeping a goat for company. As...
Every time someone suggests I read an article on having Bipolar, I discover that articles written or paraphrased by normal people always find a way to quip on how people with mental illness should adopt more normal activities in order to enjoy life. It is appalling...
Why wouldn’t I? I am a very blunt and honest person and I don’t often beat around the bush. I do not ever make excuses for who I am…to anyone. Why would I ever hide a very important part of me? I wasn’t always so forthright with my diagnosis. I have been...
It’s only a 4 letter word. It’s a terrific motivator. It determines whether or not I think life is worth living. And if it’s lacking it’s awfully hard to move on with daily tasks. Yes I am talking about hope. It’s funny how quickly...
