Category: Consumer

What Goes Up Must Come Down

What Goes Up Must Come Down

The first time I truly got depressed was when I was 20 years old and the guy I was involved with told me that although he really liked me, he was still in love (with his ex-girlfriend). It was downhill from there. Failed relationship after failed relationship. More...

I Want to be Thankful

I Want to be Thankful

During my bouts with depression I found it nearly impossible to feel grateful.  I made lists of things I should be grateful for but the feeling of gratitude didn’t reach my heart. It was a miserable way to live since true gratitude brings me a deep,...

Caught Between a Rock and a Very Hard Place

Caught Between a Rock and a Very Hard Place

I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind...

Dual Diagnosis: Relapse and Recovery

Dual Diagnosis: Relapse and Recovery

Six weeks ago I relapsed from my addiction recovery and, subsequently, from my Bipolar Disorder recovery. The two are so intertwined that a distinction can barely be made by me or my mental health team. When I use substances I also quit taking my medications....

Scars Reveal the Strength of the Human Soul

We all have scars, scars from our past, scars from pain. We’re all on a journey, a journey we did not choose. Some of those scars are emotional scars, while others are on the outside. Our scars tell our stories. They reveal what we have been through and where we have...

Walking the Bipolar Tightrope Without My Pole

Walking the Bipolar Tightrope Without My Pole

A few months ago my mood tipped the scales into hypomania, dangerously verging on mania. This is an issue for me because once hypomanic I very quickly become chaotically manic. Fortunately I wasn’t bad enough to lose all insight and didn’t stop taking my medication...

A New Normal

A New Normal

I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. So, why then, do I feel so...

My Experience With Mood Swings

My Experience With Mood Swings

Do you ever feel like while you’re having a mood swing that you are trying to say something but it’s just coming out wrong? Back when I had my horrible mood swings I always felt like there was something that I was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out...

Importance of Me

Importance of Me

This past month I have been trying to hone in on my emotions as there is much going on in my life-two part time jobs, part time student, moving, and my upcoming wedding in May.  I filled out my mood chart indicating I am between feeling “normal” (or what I call...

Happiness Jar

Happiness Jar

This is a tool that I learned about on a Facebook post late last year written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author who wrote “Eat Pray Love”.  I’ve been consistently using this tool since January 1, 2015 and am grateful to have come across it! This tool helps anyone,...

Rearranging Me: Productivity in the Home, Part 2

Rearranging Me: Productivity in the Home, Part 2

Read Part 1 here: Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part II rearrange the items on the kitchen counter 10 times until I get it exactly the way I want it. While doing so, my daughter is watching the last few minutes of a cartoon before her bedtime....

To Share or Not To Share

To Share or Not To Share

To share your mental illness with people or not to share… that is one of the toughest questions we come up against. I have always been a very open person – especially about my mental health. But I have always drawn a line between personal and professional...

Drop-In Peer Centers Part Two: History and Funding

Drop-In Peer Centers Part Two: History and Funding

Last month, I wrote about my drop in center, Rebel’s Drop In, which offers peer mentoring, art classes, outings, and other activities.  What would it take to start one?  What is peer mentoring?A peer is someone who has personal experience living with mental...

Half of Me

Half of Me

It was the first Saturday night at my new place and I was anxious to get away from the cardboard boxes that filled my room. Luckily, I had been invited by an old friend to come join her and a couple of her friends in the city. I didn’t know anyone in the area yet and...

Mental Health Challenges and Recovery

Mental Health Challenges and Recovery

I like referring to mental illnesses as mental health challenges.  This is because it is more inclusive of people who may not have a diagnosis.  It reminds us that there are many related challenges and it offers hope that the challenges can be...

Diary of a Mood Swing

Diary of a Mood Swing

2/25/15 Mania.  I am manic as hell right now.  I can’t sit still.  Nothing is enough. It’s insatiable.  I smoke too much, want sex too much, shop too much.  And it’s never enough. Never.  I have to keep going, keep seeking out...

Exercise

Exercise

How do you deal with the pain and anxiety that comes with having bipolar? Have you ever thought about exercising? I exercise six days a week and it is a huge stress reliever. I highly recommend it. It’s hard finding the motivation to do it, but you could...

My Experience with ECT

My Experience with ECT

I think as a blogger it’s important to touch upon a lot of different topics. It’s also important to know the audience you’re writing for, and I’m finding this topic of ECT being discussed a lot within the mental health community online groups. Electroconvulsive...

Exiting The Blizzard Meditation

Exiting The Blizzard Meditation

There is a saying, that we are as “unique as snowflakes”, that “no one is the same”, by just being human. I knew there was something happening in my mind but all of a sudden, I was grouped together with a bunch of especially unique snowflakes that were sort of like...

To React or Not To React

To React or Not To React

One of the challenges of living with bipolar is not knowing when one is being overly reactive. I have had to think through this question quite a few times in the past six months with respect to circumstances that affect my sleep. Previously I mentioned that...

Not a Problem for Today

Not a Problem for Today

I’m not sure where I learned this string of 5 words but it has been a mighty big help in my life! For example:  Today I was working on my Facebook page and for promotional purposes I wanted to view the people who had “liked” my page. I...

Can’t Turn Back Time

Can’t Turn Back Time

My kids are growing up. I know it’s inevitable, but I want time to stop. I know there are many parents that feel that way, but for me it’s heartbreaking. You see, I missed out on a lot of precious time with my kids while they were growing up. For the...

Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part I

Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part I

Last night after the kids went to bed, I was mopping frantically looking at these spots on the kitchen floor. Why won’t these come up? I set the mop to the side, maneuvered my way – slipping and sliding – to take a closer look. Yep. Stickers. My two kids...

Lift Me Up File

Lift Me Up File

The purpose of this tool is to be reminded of good things that people have said about us.  When I’ve felt low in the past and taken a look through this file, it has helped to improve my mood.  This tool consists of both a physical file folder and a...

Medications: To have or not, that is the question!

Medications: To have or not, that is the question!

This is the million dollar question.  If you’re newly diagnosed, the idea of being on medication for the rest of your life can be terrifying.  If you’ve been on medications for years and now they have stopped working, the possibility of no...

The Role of Love as a Healing Force in Bipolar Disorder

The Role of Love as a Healing Force in Bipolar Disorder

I just watched A Beautiful Mind again and found the premise that love conquers all somewhat hyperbolic in the film (I kept thinking, “If you’d just take your meds…”).  But then I remembered my college English teacher, who said hyperbole usually contains a shred of...

May Cause Depression

May Cause Depression

May cause depression. Three of the scariest words I’ve ever read. May. Cause. Depression. As a person living with bipolar, moods are a central point when making decisions. If I take this job will I be happy? Will I be forced to give up free time and activities...

My Manic Summer

My Manic Summer

The summer of 2013/2014 was magnificent, exhilarating and glorious. It was also a manic summer. I had just come out of one of the darkest winters of my life, where I was hospitalised and everything had ground to a halt for months. Spring came around, and with it...

Bipolar Disorder- A Fiddler on My Roof

Bipolar Disorder- A Fiddler on My Roof

I recently directed a high school production of Fiddler on the Roof. For those of you who may not know it, this is the story of a simple milkman in 1905 Russia who tries to keep the traditions of his Jewish culture and the desires of his contemporary daughters in...

Does Putin have Aspergers?

Does Putin have Aspergers?

I was recently annoyed to read of a diagnostic which purported that Putin belonged on the Autism spectrum. Not only is this a preposterous claim, see the Guardian article I’ve included below, but it’s an irrelevant claim. What is the problem with a...

Thinking of Creating A Support Group?  You Can Do It! Part 1

Thinking of Creating A Support Group? You Can Do It! Part 1

During the past year I received wonderful online support from bipolar-themed social media contacts and bloggers.  As fulfilling as their encouragement was, I also craved real life support, connection and friendships with people diagnosed with bipolar...

Those Who Live in Glass Houses

Those Who Live in Glass Houses

I can see the world around me. The trees, the lakes, the beautiful snow. I can see the children playing, laughing and so. I can see the couples hand in hand, the snow covered beach sand. I can see the beautiful houses sitting a row, I can see the wildlife such as a...

Drop-In Peer Centers for Behavioral Health: An Exploding Trend

Drop-In Peer Centers for Behavioral Health: An Exploding Trend

One of the reasons I am glad that I moved to Florida is that it led me to a peer run drop in center near my house called Rebel’s Drop In. In my small county, Broward, between Palm Beach and Miami-Dade, we have 5 of these centers. Peer run drop in centers average 5 per...

When Others Don’t Seem To Care

When Others Don’t Seem To Care

“YOU DON’T CARE!” I shouted this at my mother the other day… and it was hurtful on so many levels. Because when I calmed down and thought about it, she DID care… in many other ways. In the vein of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, I want to thank my...

Group Therapy Provides Hope

Group Therapy Provides Hope

I recently joined a bipolar support group. My doctor and therapist have been encouraging me for months to join the group. They believed it would help me “normalize” some of my feelings by being around others who might have the same experiences. I put...

I Am So Much More Than My Label

I Am So Much More Than My Label

In a previous blog, I referred to my Bipolar and PTSD as my dragon, something only I can tame and ride. When you are labeled with a mental illness, the stigma associated with it can become debilitating.  It is as if you somehow become weaker by association,...

Why Recovery is Possible

Why Recovery is Possible

I recently read an article written by a person who is tired of people like me talking about recovery from psychiatric disorders.  She wanted us to “stop talking about recovery and start using a more useful and less stigmatizing word: hope.”  I am not sure...

Everyday Hero

Everyday Hero

I’ve noticed that after I wrote my last post about why I’m grateful about being on the psych ward some opinions were unflattering. I understand that for some people it may have looked like those three weeks of hospitalization were three weeks of holiday. Not for me...

Getting Through a Major Medication Change

Getting Through a Major Medication Change

For many of us who have had bipolar disorder for several years, we may need to undergo a medication change for various reasons.  When you are taking medications over the long term, they may stop working as well as they did initially.  Or a new drug might...

Support

Support

As we go through our journey with our disorder, we need support. Whether it’s from family, friends, or a higher power, it is essential that we have someone that will always have our backs. We can’t do this alone. I’m forever grateful for my God,...

Benefits of Having a Label

Benefits of Having a Label

January 28, 2015 was Bell Let’s Talk Day in Canada.  It’s an initiative by a major company to get more people talking about mental health.  The intention is to reduce stigma and raise awareness.  Bell donated five cents towards mental health programs...

Bipolar Depression and Suicide

Bipolar Depression and Suicide

Melancholy It’s winter.I knew you’d be knocking at my door soon.Your familiar spirit–always unwelcomed–but persistent. She asked me “What are you depressed about?”I wanted to shout “About the serotonin depletion,The change in weather that makes...

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes: Getting better at them all the time

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes: Getting better at them all the time

(‘Changes’ song lyric sample from David Bowie, album “Hunky Dory” 1971)When the seasons change, I often have a bipolar relapse, one that starts small, like a snowball, gathering speed and size as it rolls down the hill, exploding on the impact...

Why I’m Grateful For Being On the Psych Ward

Why I’m Grateful For Being On the Psych Ward

In the beginning I thought that it would kill me, my personality, and my future. But after a few weeks I’m hugely grateful for this experience. I got there because I wanted to attempt suicide. I’ve had a few suicide attempts before but this one was extremely...

Yoga Philosophy for Bipolar Disorder 101: Part 1, Ahimsa

Yoga Philosophy for Bipolar Disorder 101: Part 1, Ahimsa

Yoga is more than what you want your body to look like. What do you want your life to look like? The core philosophy of Yoga – not just seeking fulfillment in the material world while still living in it – offers a structure of restrictions and...

Out in the Milkweed

Out in the Milkweed

I wrote this piece to express how I’ve felt stigmatized by those who haven’t gotten past how I’ve been doing better with bipolar one.  While it’s obvious in this piece that I am angry, I believe there is hope for healing for us...

My Biggest Competitor

My Biggest Competitor

It’s no secret that I have struggled with bipolar disorder for several years. What may be less known is that I have also fought hard to overcome numerous setbacks and personal losses as a result of my illness. I don’t like that I have had to deal with an illness as...

A Journey to Health and Resilience

A Journey to Health and Resilience

I didn’t realize it, but I have been on a quest for the past 20 years. At first, it felt like I was just trying to figure myself out. I wasn’t happy with my life as it was laid out for me. So like many people in their late teens and early twenties, I bounced...

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