The first time I truly got depressed was when I was 20 years old and the guy I was involved with told me that although he really liked me, he was still in love (with his ex-girlfriend). It was downhill from there. Failed relationship after failed relationship. More...
During my bouts with depression I found it nearly impossible to feel grateful. I made lists of things I should be grateful for but the feeling of gratitude didn’t reach my heart. It was a miserable way to live since true gratitude brings me a deep,...
I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind...
Six weeks ago I relapsed from my addiction recovery and, subsequently, from my Bipolar Disorder recovery. The two are so intertwined that a distinction can barely be made by me or my mental health team. When I use substances I also quit taking my medications....
We all have scars, scars from our past, scars from pain. We’re all on a journey, a journey we did not choose. Some of those scars are emotional scars, while others are on the outside. Our scars tell our stories. They reveal what we have been through and where we have...
A few months ago my mood tipped the scales into hypomania, dangerously verging on mania. This is an issue for me because once hypomanic I very quickly become chaotically manic. Fortunately I wasn’t bad enough to lose all insight and didn’t stop taking my medication...
I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. So, why then, do I feel so...
Do you ever feel like while you’re having a mood swing that you are trying to say something but it’s just coming out wrong? Back when I had my horrible mood swings I always felt like there was something that I was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out...
This past month I have been trying to hone in on my emotions as there is much going on in my life-two part time jobs, part time student, moving, and my upcoming wedding in May. I filled out my mood chart indicating I am between feeling “normal” (or what I call...
This is a tool that I learned about on a Facebook post late last year written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author who wrote “Eat Pray Love”. I’ve been consistently using this tool since January 1, 2015 and am grateful to have come across it! This tool helps anyone,...
Read Part 1 here: Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part II rearrange the items on the kitchen counter 10 times until I get it exactly the way I want it. While doing so, my daughter is watching the last few minutes of a cartoon before her bedtime....
To share your mental illness with people or not to share… that is one of the toughest questions we come up against. I have always been a very open person – especially about my mental health. But I have always drawn a line between personal and professional...
Last month, I wrote about my drop in center, Rebel’s Drop In, which offers peer mentoring, art classes, outings, and other activities. What would it take to start one? What is peer mentoring?A peer is someone who has personal experience living with mental...
This is the second article in a 3-part series. The author recommends reading the first article before reading this one.A good detective uses a variety of methods to solve cases: paying attention, asking questions, making connections. Those of us with bipolar disorder...
It was the first Saturday night at my new place and I was anxious to get away from the cardboard boxes that filled my room. Luckily, I had been invited by an old friend to come join her and a couple of her friends in the city. I didnt know anyone in the area yet and...
I like referring to mental illnesses as mental health challenges. This is because it is more inclusive of people who may not have a diagnosis. It reminds us that there are many related challenges and it offers hope that the challenges can be...
2/25/15 Mania. I am manic as hell right now. I can’t sit still. Nothing is enough. It’s insatiable. I smoke too much, want sex too much, shop too much. And it’s never enough. Never. I have to keep going, keep seeking out...
How do you deal with the pain and anxiety that comes with having bipolar? Have you ever thought about exercising? I exercise six days a week and it is a huge stress reliever. I highly recommend it. It’s hard finding the motivation to do it, but you could...
I think as a blogger it’s important to touch upon a lot of different topics. It’s also important to know the audience you’re writing for, and I’m finding this topic of ECT being discussed a lot within the mental health community online groups. Electroconvulsive...
There is a saying, that we are as unique as snowflakes, that no one is the same, by just being human. I knew there was something happening in my mind but all of a sudden, I was grouped together with a bunch of especially unique snowflakes that were sort of like...
One of the challenges of living with bipolar is not knowing when one is being overly reactive. I have had to think through this question quite a few times in the past six months with respect to circumstances that affect my sleep. Previously I mentioned that...
I’m not sure where I learned this string of 5 words but it has been a mighty big help in my life! For example: Today I was working on my Facebook page and for promotional purposes I wanted to view the people who had “liked” my page. I...
My kids are growing up. I know it’s inevitable, but I want time to stop. I know there are many parents that feel that way, but for me it’s heartbreaking. You see, I missed out on a lot of precious time with my kids while they were growing up. For the...
Last night after the kids went to bed, I was mopping frantically looking at these spots on the kitchen floor. Why won’t these come up? I set the mop to the side, maneuvered my way – slipping and sliding – to take a closer look. Yep. Stickers. My two kids...
The purpose of this tool is to be reminded of good things that people have said about us. When I’ve felt low in the past and taken a look through this file, it has helped to improve my mood. This tool consists of both a physical file folder and a...
This is the million dollar question. If you’re newly diagnosed, the idea of being on medication for the rest of your life can be terrifying. If you’ve been on medications for years and now they have stopped working, the possibility of no...
I just watched A Beautiful Mind again and found the premise that love conquers all somewhat hyperbolic in the film (I kept thinking, “If you’d just take your meds…”). But then I remembered my college English teacher, who said hyperbole usually contains a shred of...
May cause depression. Three of the scariest words I’ve ever read. May. Cause. Depression. As a person living with bipolar, moods are a central point when making decisions. If I take this job will I be happy? Will I be forced to give up free time and activities...
The summer of 2013/2014 was magnificent, exhilarating and glorious. It was also a manic summer. I had just come out of one of the darkest winters of my life, where I was hospitalised and everything had ground to a halt for months. Spring came around, and with it...
I recently directed a high school production of Fiddler on the Roof. For those of you who may not know it, this is the story of a simple milkman in 1905 Russia who tries to keep the traditions of his Jewish culture and the desires of his contemporary daughters in...
I was recently annoyed to read of a diagnostic which purported that Putin belonged on the Autism spectrum. Not only is this a preposterous claim, see the Guardian article I’ve included below, but it’s an irrelevant claim. What is the problem with a...
During the past year I received wonderful online support from bipolar-themed social media contacts and bloggers. As fulfilling as their encouragement was, I also craved real life support, connection and friendships with people diagnosed with bipolar...
I can see the world around me. The trees, the lakes, the beautiful snow. I can see the children playing, laughing and so. I can see the couples hand in hand, the snow covered beach sand. I can see the beautiful houses sitting a row, I can see the wildlife such as a...
One of the reasons I am glad that I moved to Florida is that it led me to a peer run drop in center near my house called Rebels Drop In. In my small county, Broward, between Palm Beach and Miami-Dade, we have 5 of these centers. Peer run drop in centers average 5 per...
YOU DONT CARE! I shouted this at my mother the other day and it was hurtful on so many levels. Because when I calmed down and thought about it, she DID care in many other ways. In the vein of Gary Chapmans Five Love Languages, I want to thank my...
I recently joined a bipolar support group. My doctor and therapist have been encouraging me for months to join the group. They believed it would help me “normalize” some of my feelings by being around others who might have the same experiences. I put...
In a previous blog, I referred to my Bipolar and PTSD as my dragon, something only I can tame and ride. When you are labeled with a mental illness, the stigma associated with it can become debilitating. It is as if you somehow become weaker by association,...
I recently read an article written by a person who is tired of people like me talking about recovery from psychiatric disorders. She wanted us to “stop talking about recovery and start using a more useful and less stigmatizing word: hope.” I am not sure...
I’ve noticed that after I wrote my last post about why I’m grateful about being on the psych ward some opinions were unflattering. I understand that for some people it may have looked like those three weeks of hospitalization were three weeks of holiday. Not for me...
For many of us who have had bipolar disorder for several years, we may need to undergo a medication change for various reasons. When you are taking medications over the long term, they may stop working as well as they did initially. Or a new drug might...
As we go through our journey with our disorder, we need support. Whether it’s from family, friends, or a higher power, it is essential that we have someone that will always have our backs. We can’t do this alone. I’m forever grateful for my God,...
January 28, 2015 was Bell Let’s Talk Day in Canada. It’s an initiative by a major company to get more people talking about mental health. The intention is to reduce stigma and raise awareness. Bell donated five cents towards mental health programs...
Melancholy Its winter.I knew youd be knocking at my door soon.Your familiar spirit–always unwelcomed–but persistent. She asked me What are you depressed about?I wanted to shout About the serotonin depletion,The change in weather that makes...
(‘Changes’ song lyric sample from David Bowie, album “Hunky Dory” 1971)When the seasons change, I often have a bipolar relapse, one that starts small, like a snowball, gathering speed and size as it rolls down the hill, exploding on the impact...
This is the first part in a 3 part series. We recommend reading them together.Part 2: Understanding Triggers and Vulnerabilities in Bipolar DisorderPart 3: Management Strategies for Successful Relapse PreventionI recently watched a documentary called...
In the beginning I thought that it would kill me, my personality, and my future. But after a few weeks Im hugely grateful for this experience. I got there because I wanted to attempt suicide. Ive had a few suicide attempts before but this one was extremely...
Yoga is more than what you want your body to look like. What do you want your life to look like? The core philosophy of Yoga – not just seeking fulfillment in the material world while still living in it – offers a structure of restrictions and...
I wrote this piece to express how I’ve felt stigmatized by those who haven’t gotten past how I’ve been doing better with bipolar one. While it’s obvious in this piece that I am angry, I believe there is hope for healing for us...
It’s no secret that I have struggled with bipolar disorder for several years. What may be less known is that I have also fought hard to overcome numerous setbacks and personal losses as a result of my illness. I don’t like that I have had to deal with an illness as...
I didn’t realize it, but I have been on a quest for the past 20 years. At first, it felt like I was just trying to figure myself out. I wasn’t happy with my life as it was laid out for me. So like many people in their late teens and early twenties, I bounced...
