Our Blog

Staying With School Through The Storm

I went back to school in August 2015 to City College of San Francisco feeling confident that I would do well with my studies. It was like a breath of fresh air as I passed test after test and scored A’s on my psychology papers. Then my life seemed to go down a road...

Finding Your Place: The Greatest Gift for the Holidays

I don’t know if it’s because I’m the middle child with a large age gap between both my older and younger siblings, but I’ve always struggled with my place in my family. My older siblings always had each other, they were two years apart and my younger siblings had each...

The Many Faces of Anxiety

Everyone deals with anxiety at some point in their lives. When you’re getting ready to argue or fight, it is that exact emotion that causes your hands to shake. It can cause you to start to feel warm or even for you to start sweating a little. Those are our bodies’...

How Bipolar Disorder Is Viewed In Kenya

Kenya is a country on the East side of the African continent. Mental illness is still a taboo subject here. Even among the elite and educated citizens, witchcraft and curses are still considered the greatest cause of mental illness. It is common to read in the media...

Relationships and Bipolar Disorder

Good evening readers, I hope this entry finds you all doing well. Tonight’s topic is relationships. How do we help those in our lives understand us and communicate in a gentle way with an understanding heart? Those who know me best know that I’m very people oriented;...

How I Manage Bipolar With A Helping Paw

To my knowledge, I’ve never been without at least one animal in my life. That ranges from rabbits and hamsters to kittens and 100 pound dogs. I’ve always felt connected to animals. One of my pets is Baron, a German Shepherd close to 100 pounds. I trained my dog...

Grateful for Bipolar Disorder

This week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the United States. Family, food, and gratitude mark this special time of year. It’s a time when I check in with myself, with my mind and my spirituality. It’s a time when I ask what I’m grateful for, and most importantly,...

Confessions of a Manic Mystery Shopper

I was once a high-valued corporate spy, investigating customer service everywhere I went by working as a mystery shopper. After a year of luxury brand espionage, I went inactive. Why would I forgo hitting posh hair salons on the house, free smells, scrubs, and...

The Dog

Creativity in bipolar disorder is more often than not associated with hypomania/mania instead of depression. However, I wrote this description of depression eighteen months ago while I was in hospital and psychotically depressed: My dog has returned to me. Not my...

Messiah Complex

My name is Marek Danielewski and I have been diagnosed properly with Bipolar Disorder for about 9 years. While I know I suffered longer, I found ways of self-therapy and treatment. I wanted to submit my art and ideas on ‘bipolar and art’ to the blog to inform, inspire...

Surviving Bipolar Depression

It's like I'm Paralyzed. Not physically but mentally. It's this gripping fear of facing the day when I can barely muster the strength to get up and hit snooze on my alarm clock for the fourth or fifth time in a row. There's a relentless knocking of responsibility at...

An Unnecessary Burden: Bipolar Disorder And The Sense of Guilt

Guilt is undoubtedly a fundamental emotion that each and every one of us has experienced to a certain extent on various occasions in our lifetimes. As far back as the 19th century, Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychanalysis, believed that guilt is the...

What Medications?

Mental illness can be an ugly disease to live with. People talk about the prejudice that they face when people know that they have a mental illness. I've been lucky. I've spoken before about sharing my condition with others and usually nothing too terrible comes from...

Dealing with My Anxiety

I have bipolar disorder, but I also have an anxiety disorder. I really dislike feeling anxious so there are various things that I do to fight it. The first thing I do is try to see if there is anything to be anxious about. If there is then I see if I...

Getting Through Thanksgiving

When you’re dealing with bipolar disorder, the holidays can be a tough time. Although I’m doing better than I was several years ago, this time of the year can still be a little tough. Everyone around me is just so happy and I start feeling a little melancholy. How do...

Swim With Me

Self-loathing is something I do best. It never ends. I have knots in my stomach, bricks on my chest, a lump in my throat. I’m anxious and depressed at the same time. I try to be positive. I read articles about how to get myself out of this. But I can’t. It consumes...

Keeping Both Feet Firmly On The Ground

“I think you’re becoming elevated” are words that make the ground fall out from under my feet. When I hear someone even hint that I am unusually energetic, cheerful, speedy or irritable it feels like my grip on reality is weakening. I can picture my ascent into mania...

The Ancient Greeks Thought Bipolar Disorder was a Divine Gift

Did you know that two of the first human diseases described by the classical Greek physicians are “mania” (mixture of anger, rage, and euphoria) and “melancholia” (sadness)? Jules Angst and Andreas Marneros wrote a paper that scoured ancient writings for...

Move Over Movement Disorder

Have you ever felt that you were the patient treatment wouldn’t help? After three years of searching for relief from Tardive Dyskinesia I was defeated. Out cold. Counted to ten. My saving grace was my husband because he would not let me give up. We were both up every...

Mania, Anger, and Guilt

Mania is a very tough subject for me. When I’d go through the manic episodes it was very painful. I’ll admit, after I dealt with it in therapy, I just wanted to forget about it, but I know that’s not right for our readers. So, here goes… I deal with mania a lot....

Yoga Philosophy for Bipolar Disorder 101: Part 3, Asteya

This is part of a series on the the basic “do’s” and “don’ts” of Yoga philosophy, called the ‘Yamas’ and ‘Niyamas.’ Previous posts covered the first Yama: ahimsa, or nonviolence, and the second Yama: satya, or non-lying, honesty, and...

No Longer A Number

Just like my bipolar disorder, my eating disorder started in bits and pieces and later formed a cycle. Did you know that as many as 14% of people with bipolar disorder have a co-occurring eating disorder? And it’s not just women! There are male anorexics,...

How to Support a Loved One Dealing with Mania

Sometimes mania seems like the ugly stepchild of the bipolar duo of mania and depression. Depression seems to get all the hype, all the attention. And mania sits in a corner like Baby from Dirty Dancing. But if any of you have seen a loved one (or you yourself) have...

5 Ways Service Dogs Can Help People Living With Bipolar Disorder

Can those with psychiatric disorders such as bipolar disorder benefit from interaction with animals? For most people the answer is a resounding “YES!” There are an increasing number of dogs being trained to assist individuals with a range of disabilities. It has been...

Getting a Handle on Stress When You Have Bipolar Disorder, Part 2: The Connection Between Stress and Bipolar Disorder

This is the second article in a 3-part series. The blogger recommends reading the first article before reading this one.  If you’ve been living with bipolar disorder for some time, you’ve likely noticed a connection between symptoms you experience and stressors in...

How To Tell Someone You Have Bipolar Disorder

Sarah shares tips for telling someone that you have bipolar disorder, and what to do when someone has a negative reaction. She is speaking from her personal experience living with bipolar disorder. Sarah regularly blogs for IBPF and has done some...

Explaining Bipolar Disorder to My Son

I was standing at the kitchen sink crying. I had just screamed at my 7 year old again. Albeit he was being really annoying, and he talked back to me for the umpteenth time, but it was no reason to scream at him. I just couldn’t control my anger. I was in...

I Think I Have Bipolar Disorder

Emotions and moods fluctuate for everyone. When life is going our way we are happy and when things are rough we can be down. This ebb and flow of moods is normal; it is what makes us human. So what is the difference between ‘normal’ and ‘bipolar’? Bipolar...

My Formula for Recovery

It took me a few years to figure out just what I need to stay mentally healthy with no risk of relapse. I had been on the road to recovery so long that I forgot how important all the things I do every day are. I learned the hard way that I need to stay on my plan...

Guys Supporting Guy Friends

Often I hear of women getting together with one or more friends to do things to support one person and/or another. Some examples are getting a manicure, meeting for coffee, or going to a movie. Sadly this isn’t as common in guys doing things together with their...

How Do You Know If You Are Making an Emotional Decision?

I used to think that I could tell easily whether or not I was feeling emotional. But recently, I have realised that it isn’t as easy as I thought. There have been times that I thought I was calm enough when talking to my partner after a disagreement – only to find out...

What does a Headache Have to do with It?

Headaches have been my companion off and on for years. I usually take Excedrine and Tylenol and put a cold pack on my neck. I often have to lie down as well. I even suffered with migraines for a time and lived with shots, dark rooms, and tremors. Having bipolar...

Weight Gain: Bipolar Symptoms, Medication Side Effects, and Disordered Eating

I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a wildly embarrassing acute manic episode. I did it all. I claimed to be Jesus. I punched a friend, who I thought was the devil. I got arrested in the lobby of my freshman dormitory. I stripped off all my clothes and...

Another Diagnosis

A month ago it was just another Tuesday morning: wake up, shower and dress, drink some coffee, then leave my husband and puppy at home to drive 45min to my doctor’s appointment. It felt like the same as before: go in for 45 min, talk, get refill prescriptions if I...

Mental Health Issues – A Challenge We Can Handle

Human beings are social animals. We live in communities and in addition to our basic needs of clothing, shelter and food, we need strong bonds, of belongingness to go through the motions of life through good and bad times. In the case of a serious health issue...

I Wish We Had All Been More Aware of Mental Illness

As far as I’m concerned this week is the best week of the year. It’s not only Mental Illness Awareness Week, but here in Australia it’s Mental Health Week. Although mental health promotion and awareness of mental illness should be continuous throughout the year (not...

Overcoming the Stigma Within

When I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was in shock. I had no idea about mental illness or mania or psychosis. I had no idea that my brain could be responsible for altering my reality, for making me think certain thoughts, or for making me feel sad when...

Mental Health Awareness and the Church

This is Mental Health Awareness Week, and as a minister who has bipolar disorder, I am aware that churches tend to be filled with silence not awareness. One of my passions is helping churches become more aware of mental health issues and know that recovery is...

Embracing Change

Life is a beautiful fragile precious gift, that’s why we call it the present. Life is ever changing, nothing in this life is certain except that one day all our lives will come to an end, when this life is over, it’s inevitable. We cannot put a stop to the hands of...

Why Awareness Is So Important

Awareness for mental illness is so important because of the stigma attached to it. When I had told a former friend that I have bipolar disorder, she jumped back and yelled, “Don’t attack me!” Seriously? I’ve never attacked anyone in my life. Sadly, that’s not the...

New Hobby to Consider: Coloring Books for Adults!

I know what you’re thinking, “A coloring book? Has she lost her mind?” But studies have shown that adults struggling with mental illnesses have benefitted greatly from coloring books geared for grown-ups and I’m one of them! I was given one for my 29th birthday...

Self-Harm, It’s Not Just Cutting

Self-harm is a way of dealing with deep emotional pain. Hurting myself made me feel better when it was the only way I knew how to cope with feelings like anxiety, sadness, self-loathing, emptiness, guilt, and rage. It’s an outward expression of inner pain—pain that...

Dealing with Stigma

“Are you on Facebook?” Those four little words make me cringe more than anything. Never did one sentence cause so much fear and anxiety. Then I have to weigh very carefully how I respond. There are questions I ask myself about the person: Are they open-minded? Will...

Living with Bipolar Disorder, Acceptance Goes A Long Way

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was young, fifteen or sixteen years old, but before that I had been seen by doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists for depression. I think ‘manic’ stages were assumed to be me being a ‘normal’ kid: happy, productive, and...

My Experience Losing Weight On Bipolar Meds

I think it’s safe to say that many of us who have bipolar disorder struggle with weight gain. The main reason is that medications can affect our appetite. My medication makes me crave sweets like never before. A woman I met in my bipolar support group had just...

Starting Medication: The Dull Factor

In this video, Sarah talks about the dull feeling she had when she first starting taking medication. It eventually went away after she worked with her psychiatrist to adjust the medication to what works best for her. Read more of Sarah’s posts for IBPF here....

When You’re First Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

When you’re first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it’s normal to be confused, scared, and upset. You may be grieving, and that’s okay. The pain may feel unbearable, but it will eventually fade. Though you may feel alone right now, you are never alone. There are...

Catch It, Check It, Change It

I sit every day on the third floor of the student center eating my lunch. Today I was ruminating about how up until now I was usually eating lunch with friends, laughing and having fun, but these days, it is not at all like that. I do not have friends at school, or at...

Positivity

Think...Think My thoughts are wild. Untamed. Running wild like mustangs Think...Think My mind is a minefield. One wrong step and it’s blown Think...Think One day bad. One day good. Think...Think One day fast. One day...

DBT and Me

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was originally designed to treat individuals diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder (which I was), but has skills and tools for everyone. DBT has been, notably, successful in individuals with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD as...

I Have Finally Arrived!

I started playing ice hockey at the age of 25. About four years after I started I took up goaltending. I loved it so much that in 2001 I decided I wanted to become a sports psychologist. I always knew that I wanted to go back to school to get my Masters, but it wasn’t...

Bipolar Is Just One Part of Me

Recently I had coffee with my cousin and we were discussing the times I have been unwell. This lead to me talking about how I write for print and online sources about bipolar, my passion for mental health promotion and how I volunteer for a mental health organisation....

One Year

It’s been a year. My dad died by suicide on September 3, 2014, his 65th birthday. It’s taken me this long to say that out loud to more than a handful of people who didn’t already know this to be the case. I didn’t find out until September 5th which has been recorded...

September is Suicide Prevention Month

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S. and third among young people.  I first had suicidal thoughts when I was nineteen and in college.  I thought I would kill myself by cutting my wrists, but I couldn’t cut deep enough and once I started...

Self Care for Men

I know, I know...some of you guys out there have raised eyebrows as you’re reading this.  You may be thinking something along the lines of “self care is for women” and/or “self care is for sissies.” I used to think that way too. In the past five years my...

Getting a Handle on Stress When You Have Bipolar Disorder, Part 1: The Basics of Stress

Fall is upon us, and for many people it’s the season of stress. School starts back, work picks up, the days get shorter, the weather gets colder, and the holiday season begins—all potential sources of stress. So in honor of fall, I’m writing a series about managing...

What If I Fail

After I started getting treatment, I so badly wanted to find something to distract me. I tried so many different hobbies and jobs that I met with so much failure. It was painful. Part of the problem was that I wanted to move on so badly that I didn’t take the time to...

The Art of Being Alone

“They are opposite states... Solitude is usually actively sought after and is a personal choice that comes from an inner yearning. Isolation is usually actively avoided and is forced from the outside. Solitude allows for expansion and freedom of thought, providing the...

After My Suicide Attempt

There are a lot of things about suicide that aren’t talked about. The thing that comes to mind for me, having survived a suicide attempt early this year, is what happens when you survive. Once you get out of the hospital, you will probably be happy to have your...

Is Mania a Spiritual Experience?

I was eighteen years old when I first experienced acute manic psychosis. I had just arrived at the University of Georgia for my freshman fall semester when I suddenly had what seemed like a profound spiritual awakening. I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream,...

Total, Partial, and No Control

The couch at the hospital near the bed of my brother felt hard and impersonal. He was facing surgery to have part of his foot amputated as a result of diabetes. The medical staff told us he would go into surgery at 11:45 am. It turned out to be 2:30 pm. Since he...

Going to College with Bipolar Disorder

Sarah shares her advice for teens who have bipolar disorder and aren't sure if they should go to college or not. Going to college is absolutely possible. The most important things that have helped Sarah be successful are sticking to her treatment plan and a...

In the Thick of Mixed

I can’t believe that I’m actually writing this in the middle of a mixed episode right now, or presenting mixed features of a bipolar episode, because for the most part when my mind races like this, I can’t even articulate a relevant thought let alone write a series of...

Polarizing Identity

A question central to my recent discussions with my therapist is: “Is my identity too centered on my mental illness?” When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2013, I was thankful. Not upset, not rejecting. But thankful. For months and months prior to my...

My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 2

In my last blog post ‘My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1’, I wrote about how I became suicidally depressed and psychotic, which lead to a hospitalisation. In this post I will write about the changing point of my depression and how I got better. I was...

Healthy Sleep: Functional Yoga Medicine

Yoga and ayurveda (Life Science) are relevant when it comes to managing mood, daily, annual and lifelong rhythms. As a Yoga Therapist, I apply these sciences to my life and assist clients to create an artful way of life that supports individual well-being.One of the...

Fighting Fears

Previously I have written about friends asking me what to do if they think that someone they know has bipolar. Recently, I have been thinking of friends who think that they themselves may have the disorder. They come from different circumstances but one common...

Overcoming Bipolar Relapses

When an earthquake occurs in the ocean, the ripple effect causes tsunamis whose effects are felt on shores thousands of miles away. The intrigue about tsunamis is that they can never be predicted and even when they are anticipated the damage caused is always...

The Generation Watchers

Growing up, I was the one who looked up to everyone: 5 siblings, my parents, tons of older cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I had idolized many of them. Now that I’m becoming an adult, despite 23 not being old (even though I feel it sometimes), I feel like...

Advice for Teens with Bipolar Disorder

Being a teen is rough. That’s the understatement of the century. Add having bipolar disorder on top of that and life just gets that much harder. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 22, (I’m 28 now) but the signs were starting to show when I was in high school. It was...

Athlete Beats Addiction

In high school I was often sad. I’m not a doctor, but have heard that depression can be an early indicator of bipolar disorder. I was also the dreamy-look-out-the-window type of ADD. Mom always says I lacked the inner knowledge of the social pecking order. My...

My Mental Health Resolution Will Surely Be Approved

I have been very anxious lately although a good deal of what I feel is excitement. Combined they have made me less than completely functional lately. Over a year ago, I asked the director of Disciples Home Missions if the Disciples of Christ could put information...

On Cutting Edge

I was in the tenth grade at the age of 14. I was never popular. I stayed in the background and kept to myself or at least attempted to. My peers bullied me and I gave up on fighting back. I took it, internalized it, and never spoke of it when I got home. What was the...

Putting Your Thoughts on Trial: How to Use CBT Thought Records

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is an effective approach for a variety of issues, including bipolar disorder. It’s based on the ancient philosophical idea that suffering isn’t the result of what happens to us, but the result of how we interpret what happens to us....

Life is Like a Beautiful Fragile Piece of China

Good afternoon readers, I need to write about an issue that’s growing by epic proportions and it hits close to home for me on a personal level, dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. I am not a clinical psychologist. However, I have experienced firsthand the...

70,000 Thoughts Per Day

I’ve read in many places that the average person has around 70,000 thoughts per day. You may have already heard this. That is a huge number! Seventy thousand. It’s also been said that the typical person has more negative than positive thoughts.  And for...

My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1

Several posts ago I wrote about my experience with psychotic mania (‘My Manic Summer’) and now I want to write about when I was psychotically depressed. I said in ‘My Manic Summer’ that I have only experienced psychosis once and that was when I was manic, but I was...

The Perfect Storm

I’m writing this three days fresh out of an acute treatment unit. It’s a locked facility similar to a mental hospital, but smaller. It’s not the first time I’ve voluntarily admitted myself to this unit due to extreme symptoms and personal safety issues, but it’s...

Psychosis: Terrifying but Treatable

Does anyone know where the kids are? Oh, they’re being watched while I see my family friend and doctor, as I always do when I’m having issues. Because my home is in escrow, I had to clear out for their final physical inspection. The contract is on the card table. The...

Make a Personalized Self-Help Resource with Social Media

Though problematic or compulsive internet use has been debated as far as validity and scope, it is not currently recognized as a psychiatric disorder.  However, a cautionary word from my Mom: “Anything in excess is a problem. Everything in moderation!” With that...

Beauty Can Emerge

The other day I noticed that a plant in my cactus garden began to grow something that looked like horns and then like green candy canes!  At first I thought I should pluck them out because they were weird looking.  I asked a friend what she thought I should...

Going Back to Work When You Have Bipolar Disorder

When you’ve been newly diagnosed with bipolar, your world can get turned upside down. I know that mine did. A lot of people, myself included, just want things to go back to normal and get back to being a productive member of society. Understandable. But how do you...

On Allies and Anger

As I weave in and out of social justice spaces at the University of Kansas and its town, Lawrence, I regularly track what conversations are most prevalent and determine what the culture and nature of social justice rhetoric is around me. “Intersectionality” and...

Understanding Triggers for Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar is such a tough disease to live with, day in and day out. Never knowing when or where your moods will change. Yet what I always found even more challenging is when I did not know what my triggers were and what to do when they came at me from all...

Involuntary Psychiatric Hospitalization

When I think about involuntary hospitalization, I feel vaguely violated. It was sudden, and it wasn’t my choice. I was deceived before the police showed up and slapped on the handcuffs.  It was personal and not. It hurt, bewildered and shocked me. Terrifying? For...

Beat the Bipolar Beast: Management Strategies for Successful Bipolar Disorder Relapse Prevention

This is the third article in a 3-part series. The author recommends reading the first article and second article before reading this one. Bipolar disorder is a big, hairy beast of an illness. It can be intimidating, scary, and unpredictable. But by using...

I Tackled One of My Triggers: Chewing Sounds

So, as you know if you read my other blog, I am triggered very harshly by the sounds of chewing (even if it's quiet)! My fiancé and I turn on the television when we eat together to drown out the chewing noises so I don't become manic. Today, the TV paused...

Who I Am Now

It’s amazing to me to think that on November 1st of this year my ex-husband and I will have been split for 9 yrs. I think about the person I was back then and it terrifies me. I was so unstable, unsure of myself and had no direction in life.  I was in a dark hole...

Creativity

I sometimes wonder how and why many people who have bipolar disorder feel and become creative. I know, for example, when I am in mania I become far more into writing, descriptions, and reading book after book. I crave to live outside my life most of the time, but...

Taming My Mental Illness

Quite a while ago I was told that during spring and summer I would most likely be controlling underlying mania and during winter I would be fighting depression. This is because medication doesn’t work very well for me, my moods are very seasonal and I have the type of...

Who Do You Support?

In the past week I had an in-depth conversation about bipolar disorder with a friend of mine who knows very little about it. I appreciated her honesty and being open to learn about something that has been a big part of my life. One question that she asked me really...

When Someone You Care About is Institutionalized

I woke up sad and nervous before drug treatment court this morning.  My friend, Cee, was going to be held today in county jail until a bed opened up at a nearby drug treatment facility: she kept failing drug screens and this was her consequence. It would be meted...

What To Do If You Suspect Someone Has Bipolar

Recently a friend asked me what to do about someone that he suspects has bipolar. It was not someone I knew and as he was back in his home country, I could only give some pointers over Facebook message. Firstly, I asked him to read up about the condition,...

Life is a Puzzle

After six days in the psychiatric hospital, I was taken to the intensive care unit because I had thought of a way I could kill myself in the hospital.  There wasn’t much freedom in the regular unit, but there was even less in ICU.  We were only allowed...

All I Have

All I have is a doctor or two, some friends, a bottle of pills, and a big mouth. These all serve as strategies to cope when I’m feeling especially hypomanic or depressed. I’m not the most strategic person in the world, but these few little “mental illness...

For Days I Could Speak Only in Clichés

through the depression. I felt, without a body, something in agony  or maybe a body without a soul, stiff and too heavy to pull from the bed.  Yes – an obese body, my own flesh and grief, too heavy for my body to lift. There...

I Didn’t Want to Be Me, So I Tried to Be Someone Else

I made fake social networking profiles, lied about boyfriends, and of course thrived in the many fantasy worlds I had invented when I was really sick. For the longest time I believed I was destined to be someone other than the person that was living with my flesh and...

My Journey of Recovery Through the 12 Steps

My first heartbreak was in September, 1990 when the guy I was involved with informed me that although he really, really liked me, he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. This was the start of my severe depression and suicidal thoughts. The idea of not being with...

The Caregiver Club

IBPF recently did a lecture about families and bipolar disorder that featured both consumers and caregivers – there was someone living with bipolar disorder, their parent, and their sibling. Now, I thought that was an amazing idea because I have five siblings. Yup!...

What I Learned in Drug Treatment Court

There has been an increased interest in the judicial system among advocates for people living with mental illness: Human Rights Watch shocked America with the truth. A 127-pageinvestigative report describes a criminal justice system in America and its use of...