Our Blog

Starting Medication: The Dull Factor

In this video, Sarah talks about the dull feeling she had when she first starting taking medication. It eventually went away after she worked with her psychiatrist to adjust the medication to what works best for her. Read more of Sarah’s posts for IBPF here....

When You’re First Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

When you’re first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it’s normal to be confused, scared, and upset. You may be grieving, and that’s okay. The pain may feel unbearable, but it will eventually fade. Though you may feel alone right now, you are never alone. There are...

Catch It, Check It, Change It

I sit every day on the third floor of the student center eating my lunch. Today I was ruminating about how up until now I was usually eating lunch with friends, laughing and having fun, but these days, it is not at all like that. I do not have friends at school, or at...

Positivity

Think...Think My thoughts are wild. Untamed. Running wild like mustangs Think...Think My mind is a minefield. One wrong step and it’s blown Think...Think One day bad. One day good. Think...Think One day fast. One day...

DBT and Me

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) was originally designed to treat individuals diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder (which I was), but has skills and tools for everyone. DBT has been, notably, successful in individuals with Bipolar Disorder and PTSD as...

I Have Finally Arrived!

I started playing ice hockey at the age of 25. About four years after I started I took up goaltending. I loved it so much that in 2001 I decided I wanted to become a sports psychologist. I always knew that I wanted to go back to school to get my Masters, but it wasn’t...

Bipolar Is Just One Part of Me

Recently I had coffee with my cousin and we were discussing the times I have been unwell. This lead to me talking about how I write for print and online sources about bipolar, my passion for mental health promotion and how I volunteer for a mental health organisation....

One Year

It’s been a year. My dad died by suicide on September 3, 2014, his 65th birthday. It’s taken me this long to say that out loud to more than a handful of people who didn’t already know this to be the case. I didn’t find out until September 5th which has been recorded...

September is Suicide Prevention Month

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the U.S. and third among young people.  I first had suicidal thoughts when I was nineteen and in college.  I thought I would kill myself by cutting my wrists, but I couldn’t cut deep enough and once I started...

Self Care for Men

I know, I know...some of you guys out there have raised eyebrows as you’re reading this.  You may be thinking something along the lines of “self care is for women” and/or “self care is for sissies.” I used to think that way too. In the past five years my...

Getting a Handle on Stress When You Have Bipolar Disorder, Part 1: The Basics of Stress

Fall is upon us, and for many people it’s the season of stress. School starts back, work picks up, the days get shorter, the weather gets colder, and the holiday season begins—all potential sources of stress. So in honor of fall, I’m writing a series about managing...

What If I Fail

After I started getting treatment, I so badly wanted to find something to distract me. I tried so many different hobbies and jobs that I met with so much failure. It was painful. Part of the problem was that I wanted to move on so badly that I didn’t take the time to...

The Art of Being Alone

“They are opposite states... Solitude is usually actively sought after and is a personal choice that comes from an inner yearning. Isolation is usually actively avoided and is forced from the outside. Solitude allows for expansion and freedom of thought, providing the...

After My Suicide Attempt

There are a lot of things about suicide that aren’t talked about. The thing that comes to mind for me, having survived a suicide attempt early this year, is what happens when you survive. Once you get out of the hospital, you will probably be happy to have your...

Is Mania a Spiritual Experience?

I was eighteen years old when I first experienced acute manic psychosis. I had just arrived at the University of Georgia for my freshman fall semester when I suddenly had what seemed like a profound spiritual awakening. I felt as if I was waking up from a bad dream,...

Total, Partial, and No Control

The couch at the hospital near the bed of my brother felt hard and impersonal. He was facing surgery to have part of his foot amputated as a result of diabetes. The medical staff told us he would go into surgery at 11:45 am. It turned out to be 2:30 pm. Since he...

Going to College with Bipolar Disorder

Sarah shares her advice for teens who have bipolar disorder and aren't sure if they should go to college or not. Going to college is absolutely possible. The most important things that have helped Sarah be successful are sticking to her treatment plan and a...

In the Thick of Mixed

I can’t believe that I’m actually writing this in the middle of a mixed episode right now, or presenting mixed features of a bipolar episode, because for the most part when my mind races like this, I can’t even articulate a relevant thought let alone write a series of...

Polarizing Identity

A question central to my recent discussions with my therapist is: “Is my identity too centered on my mental illness?” When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2013, I was thankful. Not upset, not rejecting. But thankful. For months and months prior to my...

My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 2

In my last blog post ‘My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1’, I wrote about how I became suicidally depressed and psychotic, which lead to a hospitalisation. In this post I will write about the changing point of my depression and how I got better. I was...

Healthy Sleep: Functional Yoga Medicine

Yoga and ayurveda (Life Science) are relevant when it comes to managing mood, daily, annual and lifelong rhythms. As a Yoga Therapist, I apply these sciences to my life and assist clients to create an artful way of life that supports individual well-being.One of the...

Fighting Fears

Previously I have written about friends asking me what to do if they think that someone they know has bipolar. Recently, I have been thinking of friends who think that they themselves may have the disorder. They come from different circumstances but one common...

Overcoming Bipolar Relapses

When an earthquake occurs in the ocean, the ripple effect causes tsunamis whose effects are felt on shores thousands of miles away. The intrigue about tsunamis is that they can never be predicted and even when they are anticipated the damage caused is always...

The Generation Watchers

Growing up, I was the one who looked up to everyone: 5 siblings, my parents, tons of older cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I had idolized many of them. Now that I’m becoming an adult, despite 23 not being old (even though I feel it sometimes), I feel like...

Advice for Teens with Bipolar Disorder

Being a teen is rough. That’s the understatement of the century. Add having bipolar disorder on top of that and life just gets that much harder. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 22, (I’m 28 now) but the signs were starting to show when I was in high school. It was...

Athlete Beats Addiction

In high school I was often sad. I’m not a doctor, but have heard that depression can be an early indicator of bipolar disorder. I was also the dreamy-look-out-the-window type of ADD. Mom always says I lacked the inner knowledge of the social pecking order. My...

My Mental Health Resolution Will Surely Be Approved

I have been very anxious lately although a good deal of what I feel is excitement. Combined they have made me less than completely functional lately. Over a year ago, I asked the director of Disciples Home Missions if the Disciples of Christ could put information...

On Cutting Edge

I was in the tenth grade at the age of 14. I was never popular. I stayed in the background and kept to myself or at least attempted to. My peers bullied me and I gave up on fighting back. I took it, internalized it, and never spoke of it when I got home. What was the...

Putting Your Thoughts on Trial: How to Use CBT Thought Records

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is an effective approach for a variety of issues, including bipolar disorder. It’s based on the ancient philosophical idea that suffering isn’t the result of what happens to us, but the result of how we interpret what happens to us....

Life is Like a Beautiful Fragile Piece of China

Good afternoon readers, I need to write about an issue that’s growing by epic proportions and it hits close to home for me on a personal level, dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. I am not a clinical psychologist. However, I have experienced firsthand the...

70,000 Thoughts Per Day

I’ve read in many places that the average person has around 70,000 thoughts per day. You may have already heard this. That is a huge number! Seventy thousand. It’s also been said that the typical person has more negative than positive thoughts.  And for...

My Experience with Psychotic Depression: Part 1

Several posts ago I wrote about my experience with psychotic mania (‘My Manic Summer’) and now I want to write about when I was psychotically depressed. I said in ‘My Manic Summer’ that I have only experienced psychosis once and that was when I was manic, but I was...

The Perfect Storm

I’m writing this three days fresh out of an acute treatment unit. It’s a locked facility similar to a mental hospital, but smaller. It’s not the first time I’ve voluntarily admitted myself to this unit due to extreme symptoms and personal safety issues, but it’s...

Psychosis: Terrifying but Treatable

Does anyone know where the kids are? Oh, they’re being watched while I see my family friend and doctor, as I always do when I’m having issues. Because my home is in escrow, I had to clear out for their final physical inspection. The contract is on the card table. The...

Make a Personalized Self-Help Resource with Social Media

Though problematic or compulsive internet use has been debated as far as validity and scope, it is not currently recognized as a psychiatric disorder.  However, a cautionary word from my Mom: “Anything in excess is a problem. Everything in moderation!” With that...

Beauty Can Emerge

The other day I noticed that a plant in my cactus garden began to grow something that looked like horns and then like green candy canes!  At first I thought I should pluck them out because they were weird looking.  I asked a friend what she thought I should...

Going Back to Work When You Have Bipolar Disorder

When you’ve been newly diagnosed with bipolar, your world can get turned upside down. I know that mine did. A lot of people, myself included, just want things to go back to normal and get back to being a productive member of society. Understandable. But how do you...

On Allies and Anger

As I weave in and out of social justice spaces at the University of Kansas and its town, Lawrence, I regularly track what conversations are most prevalent and determine what the culture and nature of social justice rhetoric is around me. “Intersectionality” and...

Understanding Triggers for Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar is such a tough disease to live with, day in and day out. Never knowing when or where your moods will change. Yet what I always found even more challenging is when I did not know what my triggers were and what to do when they came at me from all...

Involuntary Psychiatric Hospitalization

When I think about involuntary hospitalization, I feel vaguely violated. It was sudden, and it wasn’t my choice. I was deceived before the police showed up and slapped on the handcuffs.  It was personal and not. It hurt, bewildered and shocked me. Terrifying? For...

Beat the Bipolar Beast: Management Strategies for Successful Bipolar Disorder Relapse Prevention

This is the third article in a 3-part series. The author recommends reading the first article and second article before reading this one. Bipolar disorder is a big, hairy beast of an illness. It can be intimidating, scary, and unpredictable. But by using...

I Tackled One of My Triggers: Chewing Sounds

So, as you know if you read my other blog, I am triggered very harshly by the sounds of chewing (even if it's quiet)! My fiancé and I turn on the television when we eat together to drown out the chewing noises so I don't become manic. Today, the TV paused...

Who I Am Now

It’s amazing to me to think that on November 1st of this year my ex-husband and I will have been split for 9 yrs. I think about the person I was back then and it terrifies me. I was so unstable, unsure of myself and had no direction in life.  I was in a dark hole...

Creativity

I sometimes wonder how and why many people who have bipolar disorder feel and become creative. I know, for example, when I am in mania I become far more into writing, descriptions, and reading book after book. I crave to live outside my life most of the time, but...

Taming My Mental Illness

Quite a while ago I was told that during spring and summer I would most likely be controlling underlying mania and during winter I would be fighting depression. This is because medication doesn’t work very well for me, my moods are very seasonal and I have the type of...

Who Do You Support?

In the past week I had an in-depth conversation about bipolar disorder with a friend of mine who knows very little about it. I appreciated her honesty and being open to learn about something that has been a big part of my life. One question that she asked me really...

When Someone You Care About is Institutionalized

I woke up sad and nervous before drug treatment court this morning.  My friend, Cee, was going to be held today in county jail until a bed opened up at a nearby drug treatment facility: she kept failing drug screens and this was her consequence. It would be meted...

What To Do If You Suspect Someone Has Bipolar

Recently a friend asked me what to do about someone that he suspects has bipolar. It was not someone I knew and as he was back in his home country, I could only give some pointers over Facebook message. Firstly, I asked him to read up about the condition,...

Life is a Puzzle

After six days in the psychiatric hospital, I was taken to the intensive care unit because I had thought of a way I could kill myself in the hospital.  There wasn’t much freedom in the regular unit, but there was even less in ICU.  We were only allowed...

All I Have

All I have is a doctor or two, some friends, a bottle of pills, and a big mouth. These all serve as strategies to cope when I’m feeling especially hypomanic or depressed. I’m not the most strategic person in the world, but these few little “mental illness...

For Days I Could Speak Only in Clichés

through the depression. I felt, without a body, something in agony  or maybe a body without a soul, stiff and too heavy to pull from the bed.  Yes – an obese body, my own flesh and grief, too heavy for my body to lift. There...

I Didn’t Want to Be Me, So I Tried to Be Someone Else

I made fake social networking profiles, lied about boyfriends, and of course thrived in the many fantasy worlds I had invented when I was really sick. For the longest time I believed I was destined to be someone other than the person that was living with my flesh and...

My Journey of Recovery Through the 12 Steps

My first heartbreak was in September, 1990 when the guy I was involved with informed me that although he really, really liked me, he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. This was the start of my severe depression and suicidal thoughts. The idea of not being with...

The Caregiver Club

IBPF recently did a lecture about families and bipolar disorder that featured both consumers and caregivers – there was someone living with bipolar disorder, their parent, and their sibling. Now, I thought that was an amazing idea because I have five siblings. Yup!...

What I Learned in Drug Treatment Court

There has been an increased interest in the judicial system among advocates for people living with mental illness: Human Rights Watch shocked America with the truth. A 127-pageinvestigative report describes a criminal justice system in America and its use of...

Pregnancy Part 1 of 3 – I Didn’t Think I Would Make It This Far

“I didn’t think I’d make it this far.” This thought has been a constant on the minds of many, at least at one time or another. It is a blatant cry of lost hope, but the courageous steps of something to look forward to. It’s all about finding that ‘one thing’ that...

Time to be Honest

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder six years ago. I’ve made a full recovery, but it hasn’t all been peaceful. I still have my ups and downs. Case in point, the week before last I had a panic attack before work. I had been so busy taking care of family members that...

The Interplay of Bipolar Disorder, Trauma and Addiction in the LGBT Community

In the LGBT community, the link between mental illness most notably bipolar disorder, trauma and addiction is undeniable. With heightened visibility comes the need to strengthen the clinical skills required to work alongside this stigmatized population. This...

Winston Churchill and Mental Illness

This essay won 3rd Place in our 2015 Essay Contest and was written by Robert Ye, a high school student in Chappaqua, New York, USA. Widely regarded as one of the greatest leaders of the 20th century, Winston Churchill is believed to have suffered from bipolar...

Mental Illness in the Media

This essay won 2nd Place in our 2015 Essay Contest and was written by Hosana Tagomori, a high school student in Bangkok, Thailand. More often than not, the media portrays characters with mental illness as incomprehensible, tortured, and convoluted. However, the...

The Black Dog

This essay won 1st Place in our 2015 Essay Contest and was written by Jake McCann, a high school student in Scottsdale, AZ, USA. Winston Churchill was one of the most influential and inspiring figures of the 20th century. He served twice as First Lord of the...

She Sees Herself in Me

I have Bipolar Disorder. That’s not unusual. I also have fibromyalgia. Having both of these diseases makes my life very hard to deal with sometimes, but somehow I always manage.  It takes a lot of endurance and I deal with a lot of pain, but I pull through...

Be The Village

Parenting isn’t easy. Anyone who’s ever parented, or has even just been parented well knows that. Don’t they say, “It takes a village to raise a child”? As if to say raising children well takes more than just one person, it takes a community, right?  Let’s...

Our Voices Can Inspire With Our Stories

I’m sitting here at my desk reflecting on what I want to write about. The thought that keeps coming back to my mind is the importance of awareness. How can we use our inner turmoil and pain to inspire others? My story of depression is a long and drawn out one, one...

12 Steps for Maintaining a Healthy, Stable, and Happy Lifestyle

Grab a journal. This will become an essential. 1. Learn the basics. Know what Bipolar Disorder is, and the symptoms of mania and depressive episodes. Write “Mania” on one side and “Depressive” on the other. Write all of the symptoms down, even if you haven’t...

He’s Not Crazy, He’s My Dadda!

Editor's Note: This was orginally a book and has been converted to a blog. Each paragraph was a different page in the book. Dedication: This book is dedicated to my dad. My dad has a daily struggle with his mental illnesses. But, he pushes through it, and that is...

Be Not Afraid

I had been out of work for five years and then four months ago, I began working part time.  The job completely drained me and so I quit Thursday a week ago. I couldn’t believe how relieved I was afterwards.  Then Friday came; I began second-guessing myself...

Why Should I Share How I Feel?

I used to think “I hate being depressed, anxious or worried.  Why should I want to share my weakness with others?  It would be like sharing my dirty laundry.” Nowadays I think “When I feel depressed, anxious or worried, I know that if I share my...

Upsides to Being Down

Paradoxically, I’ve found newfound perspectives of patience, humor, and focus borne of depression itself that have strengthened my resolve to survive and recover.   I’m hoping that through this blog, you can grab onto a positive idea to bridge whatever mental...

I Am Not All Lies

I was once a compulsive liar and it is something that changed people’s perceptions about me. I am not a compulsive liar anymore, but I can tell when my parents, my sister, my friends, and even my doctors question whether what I tell them is true. Some of us struggle...

What Tools Do You Use to Manage Bipolar?

What Tools Do You Consistently Use to Effectively Manage Your Bipolar Disorder? The intention of this post is to get people sharing what works for them.  And for those who are not as far along in their path to mental stability and wellness, it can serve as...

Law Enforcement Learns About Mental Illness

Last month I participated in a Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) with local law enforcement. These officers, dispatchers, and prison guards were learning how to improve their interactions with people who have mental illness. It is a week-long training put on by...

Talking to Your Spouse About Your Disorder

When you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it’s obvious that not only have you been going through a lot, but you’ll have a long road ahead when it comes to recovery. That’s tough enough as it is, but what about if you’re married? Your spouse has most likely gone...

4 Misconceptions About Bipolar that Need to be Smashed

1. Myth: Bipolar means mood swings, like we all get.  Fact: The frequency and intensity of the characteristic behavior are the basic differences between a trait of someone with or without a mental illness. The mood swings associated with bipolar disorder are very...

No Two Snowflakes

I’ve always thought that if you have a shared experience, you will be more understanding and compassionate to those around you. Yet lately I find myself giving out a double standard. Especially when it comes to employment. I have many people in my life who live...

Long Way Down

‘It feels like a long way down.’ Yes it certainly does. The crashing fall from the highest peaks of manic elation to the deepest depths of despairing depression is devastating. My mood swings are like clockwork and for the past few years I would become gradually...

Twenty-Four

When I envisioned myself at 24 I always thought I would be a huge success. I would be on the front page of fortune magazine, I would have a nice car, a nice house, nice family and nice job. I assumed I’d be out of the house and on my own. I’d be working a career I...

The Face of Bipolar Disorder

What does someone with bipolar disorder tend to look like? Are they blonde, have curly hair? Do they talk differently or walk slighter faster than the average person? Much of the time you can't tell by just merely looking at someone's outer appearance.Eleven years...

Dealing With “It’s not you, but…” Situations

"It’s not you, but..."I recently had this said to me by three people that I care about in the context of them asking to have some time by themselves to figure out their issues. I was able to give space much more easily for two of them compared to the...

What Goes Up Must Come Down

The first time I truly got depressed was when I was 20 years old and the guy I was involved with told me that although he really liked me, he was still in love (with his ex-girlfriend). It was downhill from there. Failed relationship after failed relationship. More...

I Want to be Thankful

During my bouts with depression I found it nearly impossible to feel grateful.  I made lists of things I should be grateful for but the feeling of gratitude didn’t reach my heart. It was a miserable way to live since true gratitude brings me a deep,...

Can Anxiety Be a Side Effect?

Disclaimer: the purpose of this blog is not to discourage you from taking meds, but to be informed about the meds you take and to be open with your doctor about the side effects you experience. I haven’t always been full of self-confidence or high self-esteem....

Caught Between a Rock and a Very Hard Place

I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind...

Dual Diagnosis: Relapse and Recovery

Six weeks ago I relapsed from my addiction recovery and, subsequently, from my Bipolar Disorder recovery. The two are so intertwined that a distinction can barely be made by me or my mental health team. When I use substances I also quit taking my medications....

Scars Reveal the Strength of the Human Soul

We all have scars, scars from our past, scars from pain. We’re all on a journey, a journey we did not choose. Some of those scars are emotional scars, while others are on the outside. Our scars tell our stories. They reveal what we have been through and where we have...

Walking the Bipolar Tightrope Without My Pole

A few months ago my mood tipped the scales into hypomania, dangerously verging on mania. This is an issue for me because once hypomanic I very quickly become chaotically manic. Fortunately I wasn’t bad enough to lose all insight and didn’t stop taking my medication...

A New Normal

I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. So, why then, do I feel so...

The Lyrical Caregiver

"Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life"- Berthold AuerbachGrowing up, music was a big part of my household. Not that any of us played musical instruments but just, enjoying it. Dancing around the house. Singing at the top of our lungs. We all had...

Others are Willing to Help

Psychiatric disorders can cause a multitude of problems that would be very difficult for a person without a psychiatric disorder to deal with.  If you have a psychiatric disorder, it is even worse. I have a friend who like me has bipolar disorder and...

My Experience With Mood Swings

Do you ever feel like while you’re having a mood swing that you are trying to say something but it’s just coming out wrong? Back when I had my horrible mood swings I always felt like there was something that I was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out...

Importance of Me

This past month I have been trying to hone in on my emotions as there is much going on in my life-two part time jobs, part time student, moving, and my upcoming wedding in May.  I filled out my mood chart indicating I am between feeling “normal” (or what I call...

Happiness Jar

This is a tool that I learned about on a Facebook post late last year written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author who wrote “Eat Pray Love”.  I’ve been consistently using this tool since January 1, 2015 and am grateful to have come across it! This tool helps anyone,...

Acupuncture: One Consumer’s Behind-the-Scenes View

The thought of having tiny needles placed all over your body willy-nilly doesn’t sound appealing at all. Lucky for you, acupuncture is a lot more strategic than that. But you’re probably wondering: “Why would I want to get acupuncture in the first place?” Great!...

Rearranging Me: Productivity in the Home, Part 2

Read Part 1 here: Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part II rearrange the items on the kitchen counter 10 times until I get it exactly the way I want it. While doing so, my daughter is watching the last few minutes of a cartoon before her bedtime....

To Share or Not To Share

To share your mental illness with people or not to share… that is one of the toughest questions we come up against. I have always been a very open person - especially about my mental health. But I have always drawn a line between personal and professional...

Drop-In Peer Centers Part Two: History and Funding

Last month, I wrote about my drop in center, Rebel’s Drop In, which offers peer mentoring, art classes, outings, and other activities.  What would it take to start one?  What is peer mentoring?A peer is someone who has personal experience living with mental...

Speak Up

I would like to introduce myself by talking about something that happened last week in my hometown. A teacher committed suicide in her classroom by hanging herself.  After reading the news article, I noticed a trend in the comments section. A lot of people were...

Hope

I have been battling a depressive episode for the last two months. We fool around with my medications but I haven't felt like myself in about five months. Three days ago I posted a photo on my Instagram account about recovery and thought a quote about recovery would...

Garnering Hope

College is a time for creating memories with friends, stressing over the five midterms you have this week, and discovering the importance of napping, right? Once I graduated from high school, college came a-knocking three months later. Among those at my door were...

Playing Detective to Uncover the Culprits Behind Relapse: A Guide to Understanding Triggers and Vulnerabilities in Bipolar Disorder

This is the second article in a 3-part series. The author recommends reading the first article before reading this one.A good detective uses a variety of methods to solve cases: paying attention, asking questions, making connections. Those of us with bipolar disorder...