Our Blog

My Emotional Roller Coaster

I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately.  I was feeling really anxious and depressed, so my psychiatrist upped my meds.  I then felt worse.  Crying every day.  Crying for no reason.  My parents came over one day while I was crying,...

Writing Heals My Brain

I've turned to writing during many times of bipolar depression.  I know that many of you are writers too.  We write in blogs and in our journals. We email, take notes for classes, and once in a while, we even handwrite letters the old-fashioned way! So...

A Garden Full of Flowers

What is the one thing that you love? What is the one thing that you hate? ‘Thing’ has so many definitions and in a broad sense covers the spectrum of anything and everything – no matter how minute, ‘it’ holds great significance. There are positives and negatives...

Bipolar Worries

At my last appointment with my psychiatrist, she told me I have too much anxiety about having bipolar disorder. No kidding? I mean what's there to be anxious about? Being stuck in complete darkness with unspeakable pain that only those who have depression can...

I Didn’t Know I Had a Mental Illness for 31 Years

I have had episodes of depression throughout my life and once I was so happy after taking an antidepressant that I danced around my bedroom.  I didn’t realize I had a mental illness until I was 45 years old, and I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder until I was...

Hope

This month I want to talk to you about something that you've probably heard a lot about. It's about hope. When I was dealing with my undiagnosed bipolar disorder, I constantly felt hopeless. I would lose my temper, promise to do better afterwards, and then feel awful...

Spectacular

This post is written from a Christian perpective. I sat there in a beautiful room awaiting the marriage of my cousin’s son and I looked up at the chandelier overhead.  It was exquisite in its design and purity. It even had star shapes formed in the middle of...

Finding Work That Works When You Have Bipolar Disorder

I'm a psychotherapist who has worked as a vocational rehabilitation counselor - that's a specialist who helps people with disabilities, including bipolar disorder, find and keep meaningful work. I also have bipolar disorder myself, and have struggled over the years to...

What Would I Say to Me?

What would I say to the younger me about being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety Disorder?  This picture was taken 13 years ago.  I was 28 and oh so manic, but had no idea.  This was pre-diagnosis.  I traveled to two continents, several...

Advice for the Newly Diagnosed

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type II disorder on January 28, 2014 and I want to write my first blog post in this space about some of the things I wish I had known then. Here is what I wish someone would have sat down and told me on that Tuesday morning: It...

Five Myths About Bipolar Disorder

In light of Robin Williams passing I decided to focus on this topic. Somebody said to me, “He had everything, why would he want to kill himself”. Depression does not discriminate, whether you’re rich or poor, or have all the family and friends support in the world,...

What I Wish I’d Have Known When I Was Diagnosed With a Mental Illness

It’s been over eight years since I was first diagnosed with mental illness. I have bipolar disorder type 1 and have been blogging about living with my condition for three years now. As a mental health advocate, people who are in the exact same place I was years ago...

Yoga as Medicine for Bipolar Disorder: Twelve Pain Management Suggestions To Practice On and Off The Mat

A childhood friend from my old L.A. neighborhood passed away in July, the same way that my sister, D’Arcy, died: by a drug-overdose. Both my sister and Susie experienced untreated bipolar disorder-related addiction. Susie’s affluent, educated Hollywood friends did not...

Becoming a Mommy with Bipolar Disorder Part One: Planning for a Family When You Have Bipolar

This is part one of a three part series: Part One: Planning for a Family When You Have BipolarPart Two: From Pregnant to Mommy Part Three: Returning to Work Before I was pregnant someone said to me that I shouldn’t have kids because I have bipolar. This...

Genie, You’re Free

Suicide has been in the media a lot over the last little while due to the very sad passing of Robin Williams. As such a public figure, his death has started a broader conversation about suicide. I do not know his circumstances and so I will not dwell on what lead Mr....

The Beginning – My Bipolar Life

Five years and five months ago I heard the word “bipolar” for the very first time.  Honestly, I did not know what it meant nor what it would come to mean to me and my life.  I learned pretty quickly that it meant I was very sick and that I was...

Silent Killer of the Greats: How to Honor Robin Williams

The day Robin Williams passed away my husband woke me up from an impromptu nap. I had a rough day and I was very tired. The first words I heard from my nap were “Robin Williams passed away”. How? “Apparent suicide” he replied. Now I don’t normally get emotional...

When Asked to Give Advice

A few of my friends who know that I have been diagnosed with bipolar have come to ask for advice on how to help someone they know, someone who seems to be going off the rails. Recently an ex-colleague asked about how to engage a friend who has stopped taking his...

My Reaction to the News about Robin Williams

       I write this entry in my blog with a very heavy heart, as I mourn with the rest of the world over the tragic news of Robin Williams passing. A brilliant man, in every sense of the word, an amazing actor, a Talented Comedian, a man who shared...

Terrific Tools: Peddling Prayer

During my recovery from bipolar illness my therapist suggested that I increase my physical and spiritual health.  He said I should establish routines that could make daily prayer and exercise something I could look forward to (are you kidding me?) After many...

Immediate Gratification

Since I can remember I have always been an extremely impulsive person. Even before my diagnosis of Bipolar. I would spend large amounts of money without even a drop of perspiration or a sense of regret. I took diet pills in hopes to shed large amounts of weight as...

It Will Get Better

I hate myself right now. I hate myself every time I’m depressed.  I just started a new medication after gaining 9 pounds in a month on the previous med I tried, so I’m depressed about that on top of having general depression.  Since I’m starting over...

A Great Divide

Lately I’ve been wondering about friendship, including what I can realistically offer as a friend now.  To be honest, I don’t have that much to give this summer.  It has only been a year since my last hospitalization for bipolar depression.   I’ve...

Mania

Last year at this time, I was soaring high with my first full-blown manic episode. I was feeling better than I've felt in my entire life. Colors were brighter, music sounded better, and my talents came out like never before. I had recently taken up painting and my...

Identity and Neurodiversity

I'd like to discuss, briefly, to what extent neurodiverse conditions affect conceptions of identity. For those of you familiar with the “Neurodiversity” movement, you'll be aware of the debate that self-advocacy has stirred in the world of mental well-being. The...

My Story

I’ve had episodes of depression throughout my life, but it was only seventeen years ago that I realized I had a mental illness.  Up until that time, I blamed the episodes on circumstances of my life like being away from home my first time, escaping from Vietnam...

Guilt

I'm here to talk to you about guilt. This is something that I felt for several years after I got help for my disorder. I couldn't believe the things that I had said and done to both my husband and mother. I was beyond devastated. I was apologizing constantly. I...

How Many Incompletes Do You Have?

Like many or most of you, I have ideas popping into my head all the time.  They range from simple things like sending a text or email to someone to just say hi, all the way to new businesses that I’d love to start up.  I also have projects at home that I...

Tough Decisions!

When I was a child, I always imagined myself living in the country when I was an adult. Living off the grid in a small cottage in the woods, completely self-sustainable surrounded by beautiful rolling hills and lush green fields and keeping a goat for company. As...

3 Bipolar Disorder Coping Mechanisms the World Needs

Every time someone suggests I read an article on having Bipolar, I discover that articles written or paraphrased by normal people always find a way to quip on how people with mental illness should adopt more normal activities in order to enjoy life. It is appalling...

Why I Tell Everyone That I Have Bipolar Disorder

Why wouldn’t I? I am a very blunt and honest person and I don’t often beat around the bush. I do not ever make excuses for who I am…to anyone. Why would I ever hide a very important part of me? I wasn’t always so forthright with my diagnosis. I have been...

Sparkle

 It's only a 4 letter word. It's a terrific motivator. It determines whether or not I think life is worth living. And if it's lacking it's awfully hard to move on with daily tasks. Yes I am talking about hope. It's funny how quickly my concept of hope changes....

Bipolar Yoga Teacher Teaches Bipolar Yoga Student How To Breathe

I made a friend through The International Bipolar Foundation’s Facebook page this spring. I had posted a target-market question, wanting to know what people wanted, what they couldn't find and what they hoped for in recovery. Andrea pleaded for a route to an inner...

The Bipolar Identity Shift

Over tea, Dan recalled the young woman I had been at nineteen, long before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at thirty-seven.  He mentioned that, sure, I seemed moody at times, but he noted that my moods didn’t swing to either extreme.  While Dan isn’t a...

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Sarah and I'm twenty-seven. As you've seen in my bio, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was twenty-two, but I had been struggling with it since I was twenty.Before I got married, I was seeing a doctor that had...

Coming Out of the Mental Health Closet at Work

Hello, I’m Jessi.  I recently came out with my diagnosis at work on a large scale, by writing an article for our hospital bulletin. The response from friends, coworkers and strangers was so positive that it led me to find the confidence to start a blog about my...

My Experience With “I’m Here if You Need to Talk”

As a woman with bipolar I disorder I have experienced many major depressive episodes. During those times I’ve not only relied heavily on family, but also on friends and church leaders. As a recipient of the compassionate phrase: “I’m here if you need to talk”, I want...

My Best Advice About Living with Bipolar Disorder

When I’m high, I can fly.  When I’m low, I sink into the deepest, darkest place.  I keep wishing I could change this.One of my medications in particular gets me through the day.  It’s actually supposed to help with anxiety, but it sort of has the...

Silent Madness

  This poem I wrote about bipolar. I wrote it to express how I felt years ago when my bipolar was at its worst. I hope this poem inspires you and speaks to the core of which you are, I know there are many who can relate. There is always...

A Call for Compassion

It often feels as if my Bipolar Disorder is just one more relationship in my life; a being separate from myself but like a significant other who I speak to everyday. No one can make me mad or push my buttons quite the way my illness can, so she definitely feels like a...

Proud to Be Bipolar

Several women sat in straight rows at the church waiting for the meeting to begin.  My friend, Joann, introduced me, “We just had to ask Patricia to come and speak with us tonight because she is so experienced in depression.”  This brought a chuckle to the...

Restarting When You Crash Hard

In every one’s life there are moments when you feel like you will never be able to get up and live again. I had one of those moments in my life. During which I thought I was done with everyone. I had crashed hard. Harder than I ever did. It was a really bad time.It...

Mood Tracking During Therapy

Therapists are useful in helping a consumer understand how one is feeling and thinking, this is also known as talk therapy. Many issues are discussed and it has been proven useful to help with stability and managing symptoms. But what do you do when you’re struggling...

Paranoia

Dear friends,Have you ever felt like you just didn't know how to act in recovery? Were you worried about the actions you took may raise red flags to those around you? That pretty much sums up my entire year after my first hospitalization. Thankfully, I've only had two...

Bipolar Disorder Recovery – Don’t Forget Grief

Life was moving along pretty well for me—that is until bipolar disorder found its way to my door.  From that point on things started to get very difficult.  At first I was hit with severe manic episodes only to fall down so low I found myself knocked down...

Yoga Helps Me to Connect the Dots

Yoga Helps Me to Connect the DotsLast month I pulled a muscle in my neck while reaching into the backseat at a stop light for a book my son had dropped and couldn’t reach. Well I couldn’t reach it either, apparently, injuring myself pretty badly. After dealing with...

The Prophet Elijah was Depressed

Those of us who have a mental illness are sometimes told and also think that our mental illness is our fault because we lack faith. This is not the case. Mental illness is a biological disorder and can affect anyone. Let me tell you a story found in the Bible. The...

Media and Mental Illness

            I recently read a blog post from the Huffington Post by a Ms. Natasha Tracy (1). Her post centered around a claim that portrayals of people with neurodiverse conditions in the media tends to focus on overly polarized...

The Dreads Arrival

Today, despite it being summer and my not having to rush my two girls to school, I woke up in a big 'ol funk.  At 5:00 a.m. our precocious Lucy, now a thirteen-week-old bundle of energy, acted as a canine alarm clock and woke me up.  She was raring to go on...

Four Reasons Why Yoga Makes Me Feel Better

Yoga makes me feel better! Here are some reasons why:1. Yoga helps me sleep better. Snooze. Boring. Boo. Who wants to talk about the importance of sleep at the very beginning of a blog? (Quick! Raise your hand!) Yoga, Restorative Yoga (passive, slow Yoga) in...

Putting First Things First

Information on the internet about bipolar disorder seems to be booming right now – that and everything else. Much of this information is coming from individuals like myself – moms that blog. There’s one problem with this: not only are moms inherently busy, but bipolar...

Putting First Things First

Information on the internet about bipolar disorder seems to be booming right now – that and everything else. Much of this information is coming from individuals like myself – moms that blog. There’s one problem with this: not only are moms inherently busy, but bipolar...

I am a Doer

I am a doer. I don’t like to sit around and watch things get done. I like to jump in with both feet and try my hardest to help out. This gets me in trouble sometimes as I end up with too much on my plate, but it’s just the way I am.Three years ago when I was diagnosed...

Profundity Is Not On Today’s Menu

I had great aspirations to write a high-quality bipolar-themed blog post last weekend.  I envisioned typing a few paragraphs filled with a pearl of wisdom or two that I’ve learned since I started recovering from bipolar depression.It ain't gonna happen....

Resilience

I at first didn't even know how to spell the word, let alone understand the proper definition of it. But today, well today I made huge strides into my recovery. You see, the past two days have been rather rocky. No real particular reason why, perhaps too much caffeine...

Importance of Hospitalization

     I hope my readers are taking it day by day. Remember don’t ever let the light inside of you dim. This month’s topic I’m going to address is ”Why hospitalization is so important and what important and positive role does it play in a person’s...

Glove

When I was five years old, my father suffered a bipolar breakdown and was sent to a psychiatric institution. It started him on a long descent from top IBM salesman to homeless on the streets of Brooklyn some 20 years later. Our relationship followed a similar...

Removing Obstacles: An Overview

Last month I gave a webinar for International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF) entitled Removing Obstacles: A Naturopathic Perspective on Treatment. In that webinar I discussed the philosophy and therapeutic order of naturopathic medicine and gave some examples related...

Mental Health Hero

During this year’s Mental Health Awareness month I was thrilled to be selected as a “2014 Mental Health Hero” associated with PsychCentral’s popular Mental Health Humor column!  I was chosen for this honor by advocate/cartoonist/Psych Central columnist Chato...

Therapy: How to get the most out of it

Is this your first appointment with a new therapist? If this is the case, it will take a while for you to get to know the therapist and their style, as well as for them to get to know you. Therapy is useless if there’s not positive energy both ways.  Evaluate...

More than a Label

I have found one of the most difficult aspects of having a mental illness and specifically bipolar disorder, is realizing we are much more than a diagnosis.  In fact, buying into the whole idea of “I am bipolar” instead of believing “I have bipolar,” in my...

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

As I was sipping a hot cup of tea in a breezy evening, for the first time, I could feel the calmness in my soul as the wind touched my face. For so long, I had been struggling to feel this way. I had never felt this way. What was this calmness? I wondered. It was as...

A new mattress

This Monday I cried tears of joy for the first time in many years.  Probably since my diagnosis, thirteen years ago.  I didn’t even cry at my wedding, and my husband is everything to me.  So what made me weep openly with happiness?  A new...

I Have Bipolar Disorder

My name is Doreen. My psychiatrist says I have bipolar disorder. Some people say I don't have bipolar disorder. Sometimes I believe them.I have had one full psychotic break, one manic episode with milder psychotic symptoms, and one short-lived manic episode....

Medicating While Pregnant

Over at PsychCentral, I've been running a series on postpartum depression and having bipolar while pregnant. I think it's important to reach out to mother's who are struggling with the decision of what to do while they are pregnant or if they are considering...

The Power of One Pill

Pills.  Ah, pills.  “Pill” is such an innocuous-sounding word, but anyone with bipolar disorder who takes medication knows that pills are anything but harmless. However, unless you depend on medications to keep you stable, and unless you've experienced...

My Bipolar Isn’t Severe Enough

When I got into advocacy work, public speaking, and blogging, I knew there would be people who disagreed with me and even disliked me altogether. I am familiar with pop culture references to “haters” and I know the comment section can be a difficult place to get...

Against the Odds

When I was in the beginning stages of being diagnosed bipolar most people wrote me off. They thought this girl’s out of school, she can’t keep a job and she certainly cannot contribute to society. I was a self-fulfilling prophecy in a sense I thought I was worthless...

THE FURRY ANTIDEPRESSANT

As of this writing, I will be welcoming a puppy into our home tonight. Our family is totally freaking out about our new addition in the best way possible! And now more than ever, I believe in "furry antidepressants".  Please allow me to explain…In...

The Importance of Placement in a Crisis

       A couple of months ago I read a very enlightening article in my city's newspaper. This article caught my attention right away because of the title; it literally jumped off the page at me, "We need Taunton State Hospital." The woman...

CRAZY

“We’re never gonna survive, unless, we get a little crazy” Seal, “Crazy”I used to love listening to Seal sing “Crazy” on my VW Jetta’s stereo while driving up and down San Francisco’s steep hills, a fitting backdrop for such a song. One must drive differently in...

Bipolar Has Been A Blessing

I know many of you are scratching your heads and wondering if someone sane could actually make such a statement. But in my eyes, bipolar has been a blessing in many ways. I have learned a lot about myself and how to manage this illness well enough to be an author, a...

The Journey from Despair to Aware

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It got me thinking about when I was first aware of my own mental illness.For me, it came on gradually. As a middle school kid, I battled waves of sadness. It didn't help that I was bullied mercilessly. As I got older, the bullying...

Relationships

Relationships are a difficult thing to navigate, especially when you suffer from depression. If you are one of the fortunate people that has found perhaps a handful of people that understand your pain, your mood swings, and your sadness, consider yourself...

It’s My Birthday

It’s my birthday. I’m 37 today. I have lived with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder for eight years. In that time, literally almost every permutation of the disease has been applied to my particular state. Early-onset but undiagnosed. ...

New Phone?

While my blog started out as a place to vent and rave I have discovered that by just regurgitating my daily events I am no longer getting much out of it. As a result I have decided to change my blog into a more 'self-help' place where I can share my thoughts about a...

That’s Not Bipolar

In my role as a mental illness speaker and blogger, I receive a lot of comments and questions. The one item that stands out is that there is a lot of confusion over what bipolar disorder is and what it isn’t.Many folks believe that bipolar disorder is just a more...

Black Box – To Bash or Not to Bash?

Last week while on Facebook I spotted an International Bipolar Foundation post about the new ABC television series Black Box premiering Thursday, which features a doctor living with bipolar disorder. ABC’s Black Box overview is:“The twenty-first...

Co-existing Disease

As you may have noticed I haven’t been keeping up with my blog. Unfortunately I’ve been dealing with multiple hospitalizations for my bipolar disorder as well as my eating disorder. I was at John Hopkins from June-September 2013, and was at the Princeton Eating...

Stigma from the Source

"Stigma = a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation"I was diagnosed with postpartum bipolar disorder in October of 2007, six weeks after the birth of my second daughter.  I was thirty-seven-years-old when I admitted myself into a...

Medication Adjustments and Withdraws

I’m so happy it’s the middle of the week already! Nothing major or stressful has happened, but I’m looking forward to the kiddos having a three day weekend. No stress in getting everyone around in the morning for three days will be nice. Believe me, I’m happy I don’t...

The rainbow after the storm: This Is My Brave

As I sit in my parked car outside the grocery store where I just grabbed a cup of Starbucks to fuel my writing, the rain pounds my windshield, coming down in sheets with such force the car is shaking. It’s the kind of rain where it blurs the driver’s view of the road,...

Freaked to Meet with my PDOC

I never knew what "pdoc" meant until I was diagnosed with bipolar one disorder, and learned that it's a shorthand term used for psychiatrists by those in the bipolar community.My pdoc is wonderful.  Out of the myriad of doctors I've seen for bipolar disorder,...

I’m not Just Surviving, I’m living with Hope

        Good afternoon readers, I hope this entry finds you fighting to keep going. Because I truly believe with all my heart every precious life has such Value in this world, and I want to offer you as much encouragement as I...

Six and a half year itch – Part Three

This is the third blog in a series about a recent psychiatric hospital stay that I had in December of 2013.  To read the first post click here. On the second day of my hospital stay last December, I had a big realization.  I was not on ANY...

End of the Day

For the past twenty years I've been a closet songwriter. During my first year attending the University of California at Santa Cruz, I was a regular at open mike night and I belonged to my school’s Concert Choir.  Our final concert was an exotic piece sung in the...

I Need To Hold It Together

Recently my seven year old was rushed to the emergency room. In the past two weeks this kid has been poked with needles, had ultrasounds done, been seen by numerous doctors, and is scheduled for more tests to figure out what has caused her medical issues and how...

As a Bipolar Mom

As a bipolar Mom, I truly believe that parents that are coping with bipolar disorder have an extra obstacle that they must overcome at times. They must learn how to manage their own illness when they are symptomatic and still be effective parents. I think for most of...

Dogs: Your Baby, Psychiatrist, & Friend

Here’s a photo of my dog, Maggie. She’s one years old. I love her like she’s my baby. I can’t begin to tell you how much she has helped me and my Bipolar Disorder. One day last summer, the local weatherman said we were in the “dog days of summer”....

Sleep that Knits

Sleep that knits up the raveled sleeve of care – gimme some!I've always loved the very sound of the famous Shakespearean line from Macbeth:"Sleep that knits up the raveled sleeve of care."Although I have a degree in English literature and I...

Relief & Denial – My First Two Steps

At the age of 16, I was in a serious car accident and suffered a concussion. Within two weeks after the accident, something about me was different.Step 1: ReliefAt the age of 27, during my first psychiatric hospitalization, I was diagnosed with Bipolar...

GO AHEAD; EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!

We probably all feel this way at times.  Hopefully you will not mind too much that this is another self-portrait.  Now, if I could just figure out which bird I am today... This is another painting from my series entitled "Bipolar Too"  It's my goal...

Point of Acceptance

I'm just going to babble here! For most of you that have read my blog posts you know I'm good at that!The last 2 years have been a battle for me and in the end, when I look at the big picture of it all I almost lost that battle. I almost gave in and gave myself up to...

Our Brains Are Tougher Than We Think

Recently I struggled with writer’s block.  I really wanted to have the satisfaction of writing something meaningful, though, so I sat down and fumbled in front of my computer.  Facebook was calling my name, but I told it to buzz off!  I...

Awareness through the Eyes of Van Gogh

We all know the importance of mental health awareness, and doing our part of erasing the stigma that still surrounds Disorders like Bipolar. As March 30th approaches which is World Bipolar Day, it’s also Van Gogh’s birthday who is a well known Dutch impressionist...

Mommy Has A Bug In Her Brain

Trying to explain Bipolar Disorder to a three year old and a five year old was one of the hardest things I have ever done. How was I going to put this into words that they could understand? Telling them that I was in the hospital because I was tired was more...

Getting Past Being Our Community Horror Story

On Presidents’ Day, a school holiday, I awoke to an unscheduled day. I needed something to do with my daughter Marilla, so I decided to take her to the park. (My other little girl, Avonlea, headed for her best friend’s house.) The weather was clear and sunny, but my...

World Bipolar Day- CALL TO ACTION

World Bipolar Day - an initiative of the Asian Network of Bipolar Disorder, the International Bipolar Foundation, and the International Society for Bipolar Disorders - will be celebrated each year on March 30th, the birthday of Vincent Van Gogh, who was posthumously...

Broad Minded People: Mental Illness in the Philippines

I was having an intellectual conversation with a credit card customer services representative located in the Philippines. I asked her how mental illness was perceived in the Philippines, particularly psychosis. I asked her if there was stigma associated with mental...

First Breakdown

I don’t remember all the details of that night or what inspired the events that were about to take place. I imagine my father and mother had gotten into some kind of tug of war match over me and it was the last straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. I can...