Our Blog

Life is a Puzzle

After six days in the psychiatric hospital, I was taken to the intensive care unit because I had thought of a way I could kill myself in the hospital.  There wasn’t much freedom in the regular unit, but there was even less in ICU.  We were only allowed...

All I Have

All I have is a doctor or two, some friends, a bottle of pills, and a big mouth. These all serve as strategies to cope when I’m feeling especially hypomanic or depressed. I’m not the most strategic person in the world, but these few little “mental illness...

For Days I Could Speak Only in Clichés

through the depression. I felt, without a body, something in agony  or maybe a body without a soul, stiff and too heavy to pull from the bed.  Yes – an obese body, my own flesh and grief, too heavy for my body to lift. There...

I Didn’t Want to Be Me, So I Tried to Be Someone Else

I made fake social networking profiles, lied about boyfriends, and of course thrived in the many fantasy worlds I had invented when I was really sick. For the longest time I believed I was destined to be someone other than the person that was living with my flesh and...

My Journey of Recovery Through the 12 Steps

My first heartbreak was in September, 1990 when the guy I was involved with informed me that although he really, really liked me, he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. This was the start of my severe depression and suicidal thoughts. The idea of not being with...

The Caregiver Club

IBPF recently did a lecture about families and bipolar disorder that featured both consumers and caregivers – there was someone living with bipolar disorder, their parent, and their sibling. Now, I thought that was an amazing idea because I have five siblings. Yup!...

What I Learned in Drug Treatment Court

There has been an increased interest in the judicial system among advocates for people living with mental illness: Human Rights Watch shocked America with the truth. A 127-pageinvestigative report describes a criminal justice system in America and its use of...

Pregnancy Part 1 of 3 – I Didn’t Think I Would Make It This Far

“I didn’t think I’d make it this far.” This thought has been a constant on the minds of many, at least at one time or another. It is a blatant cry of lost hope, but the courageous steps of something to look forward to. It’s all about finding that ‘one thing’ that...

Time to be Honest

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder six years ago. I’ve made a full recovery, but it hasn’t all been peaceful. I still have my ups and downs. Case in point, the week before last I had a panic attack before work. I had been so busy taking care of family members that...

The Interplay of Bipolar Disorder, Trauma and Addiction in the LGBT Community

In the LGBT community, the link between mental illness most notably bipolar disorder, trauma and addiction is undeniable. With heightened visibility comes the need to strengthen the clinical skills required to work alongside this stigmatized population. This...

Winston Churchill and Mental Illness

This essay won 3rd Place in our 2015 Essay Contest and was written by Robert Ye, a high school student in Chappaqua, New York, USA.  Widely regarded as one of the greatest leaders of the 20th century, Winston Churchill is believed to have suffered from bipolar...

Mental Illness in the Media

This essay won 2nd Place in our 2015 Essay Contest and was written by Hosana Tagomori, a high school student in Bangkok, Thailand. More often than not, the media portrays characters with mental illness as incomprehensible, tortured, and convoluted. However, the...

The Black Dog

This essay won 1st Place in our 2015 Essay Contest and was written by Jake McCann, a high school student in Scottsdale, AZ, USA. Winston Churchill was one of the most influential and inspiring figures of the 20th century. He served twice as First Lord of the...

She Sees Herself in Me

I have Bipolar Disorder. That’s not unusual. I also have fibromyalgia. Having both of these diseases makes my life very hard to deal with sometimes, but somehow I always manage.  It takes a lot of endurance and I deal with a lot of pain, but I pull through...

Be The Village

Parenting isn’t easy. Anyone who’s ever parented, or has even just been parented well knows that. Don’t they say, “It takes a village to raise a child”? As if to say raising children well takes more than just one person, it takes a community, right?  Let’s...

Our Voices Can Inspire With Our Stories

I’m sitting here at my desk reflecting on what I want to write about. The thought that keeps coming back to my mind is the importance of awareness. How can we use our inner turmoil and pain to inspire others? My story of depression is a long and drawn out one, one...

12 Steps for Maintaining a Healthy, Stable, and Happy Lifestyle

Grab a journal. This will become an essential. 1. Learn the basics. Know what Bipolar Disorder is, and the symptoms of mania and depressive episodes. Write “Mania” on one side and “Depressive” on the other. Write all of the symptoms down, even if you haven’t...

He’s Not Crazy, He’s My Dadda!

Editor's Note: This was orginally a book and has been converted to a blog. Each paragraph was a different page in the book. Dedication: This book is dedicated to my dad. My dad has a daily struggle with his mental illnesses. But, he pushes through it, and that is...

Be Not Afraid

I had been out of work for five years and then four months ago, I began working part time.  The job completely drained me and so I quit Thursday a week ago. I couldn’t believe how relieved I was afterwards.  Then Friday came; I began second-guessing myself...

Why Should I Share How I Feel?

I used to think “I hate being depressed, anxious or worried.  Why should I want to share my weakness with others?  It would be like sharing my dirty laundry.” Nowadays I think “When I feel depressed, anxious or worried, I know that if I share my...

Upsides to Being Down

Paradoxically, I’ve found newfound perspectives of patience, humor, and focus borne of depression itself that have strengthened my resolve to survive and recover.   I’m hoping that through this blog, you can grab onto a positive idea to bridge whatever mental...

I Am Not All Lies

I was once a compulsive liar and it is something that changed people’s perceptions about me. I am not a compulsive liar anymore, but I can tell when my parents, my sister, my friends, and even my doctors question whether what I tell them is true. Some of us struggle...

What Tools Do You Use to Manage Bipolar?

What Tools Do You Consistently Use to Effectively Manage Your Bipolar Disorder? The intention of this post is to get people sharing what works for them.  And for those who are not as far along in their path to mental stability and wellness, it can serve as...

Law Enforcement Learns About Mental Illness

Last month I participated in a Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) with local law enforcement. These officers, dispatchers, and prison guards were learning how to improve their interactions with people who have mental illness. It is a week-long training put on by...

Talking to Your Spouse About Your Disorder

When you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it’s obvious that not only have you been going through a lot, but you’ll have a long road ahead when it comes to recovery. That’s tough enough as it is, but what about if you’re married? Your spouse has most likely gone...

4 Misconceptions About Bipolar that Need to be Smashed

1. Myth: Bipolar means mood swings, like we all get.  Fact: The frequency and intensity of the characteristic behavior are the basic differences between a trait of someone with or without a mental illness. The mood swings associated with bipolar disorder are very...

No Two Snowflakes

I’ve always thought that if you have a shared experience, you will be more understanding and compassionate to those around you. Yet lately I find myself giving out a double standard. Especially when it comes to employment. I have many people in my life who live...

Long Way Down

‘It feels like a long way down.’ Yes it certainly does. The crashing fall from the highest peaks of manic elation to the deepest depths of despairing depression is devastating. My mood swings are like clockwork and for the past few years I would become gradually...

Twenty-Four

When I envisioned myself at 24 I always thought I would be a huge success. I would be on the front page of fortune magazine, I would have a nice car, a nice house, nice family and nice job. I assumed I’d be out of the house and on my own. I’d be working a career I...

The Face of Bipolar Disorder

What does someone with bipolar disorder tend to look like? Are they blonde, have curly hair? Do they talk differently or walk slighter faster than the average person? Much of the time you can't tell by just merely looking at someone's outer appearance.Eleven years...

Dealing With “It’s not you, but…” Situations

"It’s not you, but..."I recently had this said to me by three people that I care about in the context of them asking to have some time by themselves to figure out their issues. I was able to give space much more easily for two of them compared to the...

What Goes Up Must Come Down

The first time I truly got depressed was when I was 20 years old and the guy I was involved with told me that although he really liked me, he was still in love (with his ex-girlfriend). It was downhill from there. Failed relationship after failed relationship. More...

I Want to be Thankful

During my bouts with depression I found it nearly impossible to feel grateful.  I made lists of things I should be grateful for but the feeling of gratitude didn’t reach my heart. It was a miserable way to live since true gratitude brings me a deep,...

Can Anxiety Be a Side Effect?

Disclaimer: the purpose of this blog is not to discourage you from taking meds, but to be informed about the meds you take and to be open with your doctor about the side effects you experience. I haven’t always been full of self-confidence or high self-esteem....

Caught Between a Rock and a Very Hard Place

I’ve recently been discharged from a psychiatric clinic for a depression episode. I’ve been writing and thinking a lot about my current state as well as my experiences within the clinic, but mainly what I want in my life. This piece touches on my state of mind...

Dual Diagnosis: Relapse and Recovery

Six weeks ago I relapsed from my addiction recovery and, subsequently, from my Bipolar Disorder recovery. The two are so intertwined that a distinction can barely be made by me or my mental health team. When I use substances I also quit taking my medications....

Scars Reveal the Strength of the Human Soul

We all have scars, scars from our past, scars from pain. We’re all on a journey, a journey we did not choose. Some of those scars are emotional scars, while others are on the outside. Our scars tell our stories. They reveal what we have been through and where we have...

Walking the Bipolar Tightrope Without My Pole

A few months ago my mood tipped the scales into hypomania, dangerously verging on mania. This is an issue for me because once hypomanic I very quickly become chaotically manic. Fortunately I wasn’t bad enough to lose all insight and didn’t stop taking my medication...

A New Normal

I have been relatively stable for almost six months now. For me, that’s huge. I still have small bouts of depression here and there or times where my anxiety spikes and my thoughts race, but so far it’s all been manageable. So, why then, do I feel so...

The Lyrical Caregiver

"Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life"- Berthold AuerbachGrowing up, music was a big part of my household. Not that any of us played musical instruments but just, enjoying it. Dancing around the house. Singing at the top of our lungs. We all had...

Others are Willing to Help

Psychiatric disorders can cause a multitude of problems that would be very difficult for a person without a psychiatric disorder to deal with.  If you have a psychiatric disorder, it is even worse. I have a friend who like me has bipolar disorder and...

My Experience With Mood Swings

Do you ever feel like while you’re having a mood swing that you are trying to say something but it’s just coming out wrong? Back when I had my horrible mood swings I always felt like there was something that I was trying to say, but it wasn’t coming out...

Importance of Me

This past month I have been trying to hone in on my emotions as there is much going on in my life-two part time jobs, part time student, moving, and my upcoming wedding in May.  I filled out my mood chart indicating I am between feeling “normal” (or what I call...

Happiness Jar

This is a tool that I learned about on a Facebook post late last year written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author who wrote “Eat Pray Love”.  I’ve been consistently using this tool since January 1, 2015 and am grateful to have come across it! This tool helps anyone,...

Acupuncture: One Consumer’s Behind-the-Scenes View

The thought of having tiny needles placed all over your body willy-nilly doesn’t sound appealing at all. Lucky for you, acupuncture is a lot more strategic than that. But you’re probably wondering: “Why would I want to get acupuncture in the first place?” Great!...

Rearranging Me: Productivity in the Home, Part 2

Read Part 1 here: Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part II rearrange the items on the kitchen counter 10 times until I get it exactly the way I want it. While doing so, my daughter is watching the last few minutes of a cartoon before her bedtime....

To Share or Not To Share

To share your mental illness with people or not to share… that is one of the toughest questions we come up against. I have always been a very open person - especially about my mental health. But I have always drawn a line between personal and professional...

Drop-In Peer Centers Part Two: History and Funding

Last month, I wrote about my drop in center, Rebel’s Drop In, which offers peer mentoring, art classes, outings, and other activities.  What would it take to start one?  What is peer mentoring?A peer is someone who has personal experience living with mental...

Speak Up

I would like to introduce myself by talking about something that happened last week in my hometown. A teacher committed suicide in her classroom by hanging herself.  After reading the news article, I noticed a trend in the comments section. A lot of people were...

Hope

I have been battling a depressive episode for the last two months. We fool around with my medications but I haven't felt like myself in about five months. Three days ago I posted a photo on my Instagram account about recovery and thought a quote about recovery would...

Garnering Hope

College is a time for creating memories with friends, stressing over the five midterms you have this week, and discovering the importance of napping, right? Once I graduated from high school, college came a-knocking three months later. Among those at my door were...

Playing Detective to Uncover the Culprits Behind Relapse: A Guide to Understanding Triggers and Vulnerabilities in Bipolar Disorder

This is the second article in a 3-part series. The author recommends reading the first article before reading this one.A good detective uses a variety of methods to solve cases: paying attention, asking questions, making connections. Those of us with bipolar disorder...

Out of the Shadows

I’ve been blogging as Still Hopeful Mom for more than two years now. Using this pseudonym has enabled me to express myself completely without reservation. I’ve told the story of my son’s spiral into mental illness. I’ve documented the ups and downs of our turbulent...

Half of Me

It was the first Saturday night at my new place and I was anxious to get away from the cardboard boxes that filled my room. Luckily, I had been invited by an old friend to come join her and a couple of her friends in the city. I didn’t know anyone in the area yet and...

From Denial to Acceptance: Asking For, Accepting Help, and Waiting for the Meds to Kick In

I have bipolar 1 disorder with mixed episodes. I’m having a resting day again and I’m trying not to feel guilty about it. My preschooler is with a friend and my husband took off work. About a week and a half ago it became clear that hypomania started working overtime,...

I Don’t Want to Be a Girl

What does it mean to be a girl? This question seemed to scratch incessantly at the forefront of my mind growing up. I was never sure, never had any definite answers to cling to and the answers I did have were discouraging. I didn’t realise that I was merely...

Volunteer of the Year – Cameron Meeker

Cameron lives in Arizona and is one of our graphic designers. You have seen her work if you follow us on any of our social media accounts. She designs graphics for events, anti stigma campaigns, and anything else we ask her to do. If you participated in World Bipolar...

Volunteer of the Year – Libby Hewes

Libby is one of our local volunteers in San Diego, California. She gives presentations and goes to resource fairs for us to spread awareness about bipolar disorder and IBPF. Libby is very knowledgable about living with bipolar disorder and is wonderful at...

Bipolar Attraction

“Bipolar (Disorder) people must have magnets to one another, because since I met you I have met all your friends and they all have Bipolar Disorder,” observes my partner.  So I do a quick search of the internet: A 2009 thread describes a similar...

Mental Health Challenges and Recovery

I like referring to mental illnesses as mental health challenges.  This is because it is more inclusive of people who may not have a diagnosis.  It reminds us that there are many related challenges and it offers hope that the challenges can be...

Diary of a Mood Swing

2/25/15 Mania.  I am manic as hell right now.  I can’t sit still.  Nothing is enough. It’s insatiable.  I smoke too much, want sex too much, shop too much.  And it’s never enough. Never.  I have to keep going, keep seeking out...

Exercise

How do you deal with the pain and anxiety that comes with having bipolar? Have you ever thought about exercising? I exercise six days a week and it is a huge stress reliever. I highly recommend it. It's hard finding the motivation to do it, but you could always...

My Experience with ECT

I think as a blogger it’s important to touch upon a lot of different topics. It’s also important to know the audience you’re writing for, and I’m finding this topic of ECT being discussed a lot within the mental health community online groups. Electroconvulsive...

Exiting The Blizzard Meditation

There is a saying, that we are as “unique as snowflakes”, that “no one is the same”, by just being human. I knew there was something happening in my mind but all of a sudden, I was grouped together with a bunch of especially unique snowflakes that were sort of like...

To React or Not To React

One of the challenges of living with bipolar is not knowing when one is being overly reactive. I have had to think through this question quite a few times in the past six months with respect to circumstances that affect my sleep. Previously I mentioned that...

Mania: Everything That Makes Sense, Until It Doesn’t

Practicing self-care when it comes to Bipolar Disorder means that not only do I take my meds and see my doctor regularly, but also over the years I've learned a few "tricks" to help get me by. These are simple things that make my life, and the lives of the people in...

Rebuilding After an Episode

At the start of the year I returned to work after 6 months off due to a depressive episode, and as always, it was hard. This was the third time I’ve had to pick myself up after lengthy hospital stays for either depression or mania. While you’re in hospital...

Surviving Suicide

 March is always a hard month for me and my family because of the anniversary of my brother’s death. This year on March 16th, it is the 10th year since he took his life. He suffered from bipolar disorder and passed away when he was only 25 years old. He died...

Not a Problem for Today

I'm not sure where I learned this string of 5 words but it has been a mighty big help in my life! For example:  Today I was working on my Facebook page and for promotional purposes I wanted to view the people who had "liked" my page. I tried one button after...

Continuing Recovery

“Hey, how are you?” Oh man. Yikes. Whoa. Here we go again. I pause and consider my options in response to this question. If you have bipolar or experience any other form of mental illness, you probably understand why this question can be so tricky to answer. Do I...

Can’t Turn Back Time

My kids are growing up. I know it's inevitable, but I want time to stop. I know there are many parents that feel that way, but for me it's heartbreaking. You see, I missed out on a lot of precious time with my kids while they were growing up. For the past 10...

Stickers on the Floor: Productivity in the Home, Part I

Last night after the kids went to bed, I was mopping frantically looking at these spots on the kitchen floor. Why won’t these come up? I set the mop to the side, maneuvered my way - slipping and sliding - to take a closer look. Yep. Stickers. My two kids love their...

Understanding Me

How far can my loved ones understand me when it comes to my disorder?  Sometimes I think they get it, other times…not so much.  When I am manic, for example, no one takes my credit card and tells me to stay in the house and not do “outrageous things” like...

Lift Me Up File

The purpose of this tool is to be reminded of good things that people have said about us.  When I've felt low in the past and taken a look through this file, it has helped to improve my mood.  This tool consists of both a physical file folder and a digital...

Medications: To have or not, that is the question!

This is the million dollar question.  If you're newly diagnosed, the idea of being on medication for the rest of your life can be terrifying.  If you've been on medications for years and now they have stopped working, the possibility of no medications can...

The Role of Love as a Healing Force in Bipolar Disorder

I just watched A Beautiful Mind again and found the premise that love conquers all somewhat hyperbolic in the film (I kept thinking, “If you’d just take your meds…”).  But then I remembered my college English teacher, who said hyperbole usually contains a shred of...

May Cause Depression

May cause depression. Three of the scariest words I’ve ever read. May. Cause. Depression. As a person living with bipolar, moods are a central point when making decisions. If I take this job will I be happy? Will I be forced to give up free time and activities...

My Manic Summer

The summer of 2013/2014 was magnificent, exhilarating and glorious. It was also a manic summer. I had just come out of one of the darkest winters of my life, where I was hospitalised and everything had ground to a halt for months. Spring came around, and with it...

Bipolar Disorder- A Fiddler on My Roof

I recently directed a high school production of Fiddler on the Roof. For those of you who may not know it, this is the story of a simple milkman in 1905 Russia who tries to keep the traditions of his Jewish culture and the desires of his contemporary daughters in...

Let Go

For many years I have carried a huge weight on my heart, my soul and my mind. While I was battling my bipolar illness six years ago, many things happened in my life that were an outcome of my illness but not typical of my true personality, values and morals.  I...

Does Putin have Aspergers?

I was recently annoyed to read of a diagnostic which purported that Putin belonged on the Autism spectrum. Not only is this a preposterous claim, see the Guardian article I've included below, but it's an irrelevant claim. What is the problem with a statesman...

Thinking of Creating A Support Group? You Can Do It! Part 1

During the past year I received wonderful online support from bipolar-themed social media contacts and bloggers.  As fulfilling as their encouragement was, I also craved real life support, connection and friendships with people diagnosed with bipolar...

Those Who Live in Glass Houses

I can see the world around me. The trees, the lakes, the beautiful snow. I can see the children playing, laughing and so. I can see the couples hand in hand, the snow covered beach sand. I can see the beautiful houses sitting a row, I can see the wildlife such as a...

Drop-In Peer Centers for Behavioral Health: An Exploding Trend

One of the reasons I am glad that I moved to Florida is that it led me to a peer run drop in center near my house called Rebel’s Drop In. In my small county, Broward, between Palm Beach and Miami-Dade, we have 5 of these centers. Peer run drop in centers average 5 per...

I Have Been Diagnosed Bipolar- Now the Real Journey Begins

The best part about having bipolar disorder, is knowing you have bipolar disorder. There aren’t any other tangible benefits, but there are definite ways to cope. Even though I had hundreds of friends and thousands online friends, life after my diagnosis was...

Yoga Philosophy for Bipolar Disorder 101: Part 2, Satya

The basic “do’s” and “don’ts” of Yoga philosophy are called the ‘Yamas’ and ‘Niyamas.’ Sourced from the ancient Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, they illustrate universal truths of the human condition and practical, applicable solutions for a better way of life... for...

The Fantasy World That I Had To Give Up

For most of my life I made it possible for myself to pay attention to what was happening in front of me but also be in this well designed, heavenly, whirl-wind sort of fantasy world that I had created to save me from myself. Of course I did not realize this until...

When Others Don’t Seem To Care

“YOU DON’T CARE!” I shouted this at my mother the other day… and it was hurtful on so many levels. Because when I calmed down and thought about it, she DID care… in many other ways. In the vein of Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, I want to thank my...

Reschedule Your Worries

Are you worried?  Thinking about a loved one or trouble at work? Worried about something you are in charge of or a relationship problem? Have you ever considered "rescheduling" your worry? Can you give yourself 5 minutes to worry about it today then open up your...

You Are My Reason

Good evening readers, what a cold frigid night were having. But I’m thankful I am inside where it’s nice and warm. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and it’s a celebration of love, but it shouldn’t just be on this special day, but every day, we experience love in some form,...

Group Therapy Provides Hope

I recently joined a bipolar support group. My doctor and therapist have been encouraging me for months to join the group. They believed it would help me "normalize" some of my feelings by being around others who might have the same experiences. I put off going to...

La Bipolaridad y el HIV

Tratar este tema es un poco delicado ya que estamos hablando  de dos condiciones de salud que en América Latina no se habla mucho en Publico y mucho menos se trata abiertamente por todas las personas involucradas en estos temas. Para comenzar deseo dar una pequeña...

Abandonment and Rejection

I woke up one day in 2011 in a 50 feet by 50 feet room lying on a mattress on the floor. One week had elapsed since I was consciously aware of where I was. My phone had gone off and I had not shown up for work or called any of my family members in a week. The only...

I Am So Much More Than My Label

In a previous blog, I referred to my Bipolar and PTSD as my dragon, something only I can tame and ride. When you are labeled with a mental illness, the stigma associated with it can become debilitating.  It is as if you somehow become weaker by association,...

Why Recovery is Possible

I recently read an article written by a person who is tired of people like me talking about recovery from psychiatric disorders.  She wanted us to “stop talking about recovery and start using a more useful and less stigmatizing word: hope.”  I am not sure...

Everyday Hero

I’ve noticed that after I wrote my last post about why I’m grateful about being on the psych ward some opinions were unflattering. I understand that for some people it may have looked like those three weeks of hospitalization were three weeks of holiday. Not for me...

Getting Through a Major Medication Change

For many of us who have had bipolar disorder for several years, we may need to undergo a medication change for various reasons.  When you are taking medications over the long term, they may stop working as well as they did initially.  Or a new drug might...

Support

As we go through our journey with our disorder, we need support. Whether it's from family, friends, or a higher power, it is essential that we have someone that will always have our backs. We can't do this alone. I'm forever grateful for my God, my husband, and...

Benefits of Having a Label

January 28, 2015 was Bell Let’s Talk Day in Canada.  It’s an initiative by a major company to get more people talking about mental health.  The intention is to reduce stigma and raise awareness.  Bell donated five cents towards mental health programs...

Bipolar Depression and Suicide

Melancholy It’s winter.I knew you’d be knocking at my door soon.Your familiar spirit--always unwelcomed--but persistent. She asked me “What are you depressed about?”I wanted to shout “About the serotonin depletion,The change in weather that makes my synapses...